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AIBU?

Is it fair that I am paying hen do costs for those who dropped out?

78 replies

Mashedupbanana · 30/03/2013 21:17

I've been invited to a friend's hen do. Her bridesmaids emailed the dates a couple of months ago and estimation of cost at £150pp but were hoping to bring the cost down.
Around 9 replied to say they would attend, however no one was asked for a deposit and we didn't hear any more about the hen until last week.
The bridesmaids booked accommodation and activities (non refundable) based on the 9 but since emailing to say what is now planned some have now dropped out (with good reasons).
The bridesmaids are now splitting the cost of those who have dropped out between those remaining. This seems reasonable enough but the cost has gone up by a further £100 each.
I had agreed to going based on it being £150 not £250 (and that doesn't include the night out).
As I work part time, in total this hen do will be half my monthly wages :-/
If I could, I would now not go, but I'm sorely aware this would push the price up again for everyone and would be really unfair.
I can't really think of a fair solution to this. If the bridesmaids had asked for a deposit before booking it would have been muh simpler, but its too late for that now. What should happen and what would you do?

OP posts:

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HollyBerryBush · 30/03/2013 21:20

I simply wouldn't go based on cost. You cant afford the new inflated price. Finances dictate I'm afraid.

So many threads on here about lavish hen weekends and the exorbitant price. It causes so much trouble amongst friends

HildaOgden · 30/03/2013 21:25

I'd phone the bridesmaids and tell them I simply couldn't afford it now that it has almost doubled in price.

You won't be the only one,I'd say.

scurryfunge · 30/03/2013 21:26

If no one went, would the bridesmaids have to cover the cost? They sound a bit dim if they booked and paid without confirmation and deposit. Perhaps they could try to renegotiate prices.

Binkybix · 30/03/2013 21:27

Annoying though it is for them, I think those who dropped out should still pay for theirs....

Gooseysgirl · 30/03/2013 21:28

Half your wages is waaay too much. I would drop out.. But I see your dilemma!! Really the bridesmaids should have taken non-refundable deposits, then I bet there wouldn't be so many dropping out!

WhoKnowsWhereTheChocolateGoes · 30/03/2013 21:28

I would ring and tell them you can't afford it too, I know it seems unfair on the others, but if you stay in and some more pull out you could end up paying even more.

HollyBerryBush · 30/03/2013 21:29

Any chance of rustling up 3 other mates who can take the vacated places?

I find it odd, with everyone on a shoestring, that the bridesmaids booked (and presumably paid) for this trip without either getting deposits beforehand or getting the deposits immediately after.

ENormaSnob · 30/03/2013 21:29

How stupid of them to book without deposits off everyone.

I would be very very pissed off at the extra £100 and probably wouldn't go.

LineRunner · 30/03/2013 21:30

How much deposit have they paid? I'd probably offer to give them a bit of that andjust not go, based on the odd arrangements unaffordable cost.

b4bunnies · 30/03/2013 21:31

how awful for everyone involved. i wish this silly culture of expensive pre-wedding events would fizzle out completely.

MrsRajeshKoothrappali · 30/03/2013 21:31

Don't go.

It's bloody cheeky asking you to spend that much on a hen night anyway. It used to be a nice meal in a restaurant. Now they go on for days and leave everyone penniless.

[buconfused]

StealthPolarBear · 30/03/2013 21:34

No! Why on earth did they book it without confirming beforehand? Saying you'd like to attend is NOT confirming attendance, especially when you didn't know the final price.

SirChenjin · 30/03/2013 21:35

Has the bridesmaid already paid the whole total herself? If so, then did she make it clear before people started dropping out that she was going to go ahead and book?

If that was the case then I would push her to get the costs from the other hens. If not, then I think you have to contact her asap and say that you just cannot afford this amount and try and get her to renegotiate a different deal.

Honestly - what is wrong with a meal and drinks?? I just don't get this whole expensive hen/stag thing

Mashedupbanana · 30/03/2013 21:36

I now only know the bride as my good friend has dropped out and have never met the bridesmaids. I have savings so I do have the money but it's not what I would choose to spend my savings on (especially as the extra £100 is just being flushed away on the empty rooms and missed activities)

OP posts:

MamaBear17 · 30/03/2013 21:36

I really hate stuff like this. It isnt fair on you and you should withdraw if you cant afford it. My friend is having two hen nights and they are costing about £80 each before drinks/food. It is in the same month as my dd's birthday, one of the do's is themed and requires a costume, the bridesmaids are wanting extra cash to ensure the bride pays for nothing and I just cant afford it. What I really hate is the feeling I am left with that I am 'letting her down' by not going to both (I am going to one). However, It is just too much money in an already expensive month and will be followed by a wedding which is going to cost us a small fortune too. I do not begrudge people wanting their hen/stag to be special, I just wish that people would take in to account other people's budgets before planning something so expensive.

Fleecyslippers · 30/03/2013 21:36

An extra £20 or so would be fine but £100 extra ? No way - you are perfectly within your rights to drop out or say that you will only be paying the original price quoted.

JammySplodger · 30/03/2013 21:39

How soon is it?

I would reply saying you really can't afford that, are there any ways they can bring it down to £150 again as that's what you'd budgeted.

karatekimmi · 30/03/2013 21:40

I'd say no as you thought it would be £150 and you can't afford an extra £100 on top. If anyone else pulls out then it will be more again. Maybe offer to go if you can only pay the £150 but can't afford anymore.

Mashedupbanana · 30/03/2013 21:41

It's in under 2 weeks and I know they've had a nightmare finding accommodation so I don't think there can easily be an accommodation change at this late stage

OP posts:

LineRunner · 30/03/2013 21:44

Seriously they should cancel it and everyone chips in towards the lost deposit.

They can't have paid in full as they haven't had any money off people yet.

ChasedByBees · 30/03/2013 21:44

£100 extra is ridiculous. I think the bride needs to find some back up hens!

peacefuleasyfeeling · 30/03/2013 21:46

Please don't go. On principle. You will be playing catch up financially for ages and resenting having gone. Think of all the things you could do for £100. As hard as it may feel, try to find the courage to be assertive and say no. The bridesmaids who organised it really need to take responsibility for lunching out the finer details of their arrangements. How they do that is up to them.

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JammySplodger · 30/03/2013 21:48

I really hope no-one's been daft enough to pay for that all up front.

Extra hens sound like the best bet.

But it's not right for you to pay so much extra.

onedev · 30/03/2013 21:52

They need to ask those who have dropped out to make a contribution towards the costs. Id also try to find others to go, especially if you have another friend you can ask.

StealthPolarBear · 30/03/2013 21:58

very good point karate. OP you won't be the only one thinking WTF? and the minute someone else drops out you'll all receive an email asking you for another £30, then a few days later a further £50

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