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to not want anyone to touch me for a bit

(46 Posts)
fruitstick Sat 30-Mar-13 08:22:30

This sounds awful.

I have lovely husband and two DC (6&4) who are great.

But I just need everyone to leave me alone! I'm really suffering from contact overload.

The 4 year plc constantly wants to sit on my lap, regardless of what I'm doing.

The 6 year old is always coming into our bed and he's enormous! and just fidgets & fiddles and generally causes a disturbance.

When they're in bed we sit on the sofa and DH wants to rub my feet, or wants me to rub his, and then gets all cuddly when we get into bed.

He then gets offended and thinks I'm not interested in him. It's not true, I just want to be able to sit or lie down somewhere without being accosted it something being demanded of me.

When I write it down I sound insane, and I feel mean and selfish.

It's making me twitchy!

CabbageLeaves Sat 30-Mar-13 12:23:25

Hester. I fear ever being like the mother you describe hence I force a smile and focus as much attention as possible on them all. However it doesn't stop me rolling my eyes, gahing and think of turning to drink when it's so full on.

DD starts most days in bed with me. Her current statement is that we are soul mates / BFF ...because we were talking (with older DD) about this being a load of old codswallop and how there are lots of possible partners out there. So now the in joke is that she is my soulmate.

You know what...she's right. My kids are the closest thing I will ever have to soulmates

MummyPig24 Sat 30-Mar-13 11:44:05

I feel like that too some days. Ds is 5 and not very cuddly at all but very noisy, constant chat and questions. Dd is quiet but sees me as a human climbing frame and wants to be in constant contact with me. It's really quite draining some days. Poor dp gets a bit neglected some days.

thebody Sat 30-Mar-13 10:31:59

Cabbage your parents sound like mine.

Op of course your not selfish, completely understand and think every mum feels this way sometimes.

You need mummy time! That's a locked room ( bathroom) glass of wine, book and bubble bath. Noone allowed to disturb you for an hour.

Bliss.

RubyrooUK Sat 30-Mar-13 10:23:39

Oh that's sad Hester. I love my cuddles and would never stop cuddling my boys. They are the loves of my life and I tell them this about a million times a day. DS1 is kissed about a thousand times an hour. (And now DS2 is too.)

But sometimes when one is latched onto your boob and another one has a cheek pressed against yours and his hands in your hair, it can feel a bit like you need personal space....

DD is talking at me now.
Nodding and smiling, nodding and smiling grin

HesterShaw Sat 30-Mar-13 09:45:59

My two year old nephew climbs all over my sister. She lets him at the moment, because she knows how little affection we got.

But you're right. There is a happy medium.

fruitstick Sat 30-Mar-13 09:43:46

Can I just say that I went to give my 4 year old a kiss & he just stuck his tongue in my mouth shockconfusedconfusedshock

Eww

I am very cuddly, and NEVER tell them. Hence my needing some space.

Maybe I need to introduce a few boundaries grin

Jacksterbear Sat 30-Mar-13 09:40:58

hester sorry you had this experience. You are right of course, cuddles are essential, and lovely. I love cuddles. But there comes a point when it all becomes too intense, and too much, and everybody wants a piece of you ALL The Time, and you just want to shout "will you all just fuck off![sad

hester, i'm acutely aware of making sure that doesnt happen, so i have taught my kids that they can come to me for a cuddle whenever they want/need one, but i cant tolerate being climbed on.

Sitting in my lap and having a nice snuggle is a whole other world from them jumping/pulling/pawing/poking!

in exchange for that 'on demand' affection for the kids, i need some 'down' time after they've gone to bed or gone to school.

Softlysoftly Sat 30-Mar-13 09:34:57

Oh Hester that's sad but an unfair comment to make. There is a world of difference between needing some space and a total lack of physical affection.

HesterShaw Sat 30-Mar-13 09:24:49

Can I present the alternative view? When I was little, I would go to my mum for a snuggle on the sofa and she'd shrug me off impatiently shouting "Stop DROOPING on me!" So I learnt then not to do it and that physical affection was a no-no. It's been like that since, yet she can't understand it and gets all upset our relationship isn't touchy feely huggy hmm. I never saw her being affectionate with my dad either, and now he flinches when touched.

These years are short and your family need cuddles.

CabbageLeaves Sat 30-Mar-13 09:22:01

What a reassuring thread smile.

I used to have a whole family of 5 pawing at me, talking at me, all at once and had spent the day at work listening (as KatieScarlett said) to awful stuff, concentrating very hard and needed to come in, have a cup of tea and just sit in quiet.

Divorced one needy ex. Two DC at uni (but still get the phone calls at all times of day and night) and now have DD and elderly parents who demand my time. I often find myself inwardly sighing whilst painting an understanding interested smile on my face. Again, a full on busy day at work and I walk into make a meal for the parents, listen to their detailed tales of 'Dora who had the gas man out again' whilst DD tells me about her new 'fall out with Isabel'. Usually all 3 talk at me at once and rarely does anyone ask about my day!

Tonight I am alone. Bliss

Bearandcub Sat 30-Mar-13 09:20:46

YADNBU, I vant to be alone too.

Wookiee101 Sat 30-Mar-13 09:18:38

YANBU. My DC are 4 and 2 and so there's always one elbowing, crawling over me, leaning on me, tugging and jostling me. There have been times when I have to literally push them off me as I can't bear it. I have fibromyalgia and I think that accounts for a lot of the annoyance as my skin is really sensitive and so it's like a sensory overload.

The touching combined with the constant bloody noise drives me insane by the end of the day. Some days I can 'feel' my head sort of buzzing with it all.

Luckily, I get a couple of hours between the DCs going to bed and DH coming home so I can just chill out with no-one around - sometimes I could almost sob with relief!

RubyrooUK Sat 30-Mar-13 09:13:58

Oh me too. I have to carry out every breastfeed of DS2 (2.5 weeks old) with DS1 (2.7 years old) sitting on my lap too. I feel like I am drowning in small boys.

I adore them and their cuddles but it can get so oppressive. Kveta's description of her children attempting to get back inside her is spot on.

What makes it worse is that they are currently both farting on me. grin

thezebrawearspurple Sat 30-Mar-13 09:04:46

yanbu.

My DS (2 and a half years old) is fascinated by my toilet trips & practically tries to haul me off so he can have a look before it's flushed. I know it's good and all as he's soon to be potty trained but I've started shutting the door sometimes just so I can pee in peace!!

i'm high functioning autistic... a lot of us call it being 'touched out', its just sensory overload.

my Dh knows to leave me the fuck alone for at least a hour after the kids have gone to bed because coming near me without me 'inviting' him to is likely to end up in me slapping hands or shoving him away because i cant BEAR to be touched and just need that time to de-sensitise.

Haha Orchard, DD is 17 and I still can't pee in peace! grin

I feel the same way about noise.
I spend my days listening to harrowing, depressing stuff while trying to help and stay positive.
When I get home I'm all talked and listened out and my fabulous DC come home and want to regale me with tales of their friends and school ( I know I'm lucky they talk to me at all as are teenagers wink)
I feel shit about it TBH, on the outside I'm doing interested concern, on the inside I'm screaming aaaarrregggggghhhhh!!! I don't care what Kelly said to Tony! DS, losing 3 marks out of effing 70 in your Physics test is not a disaster!!!!!
But I smile and nod and pray that something happens to distract them from their monologues so I can creep away and read a book wink

Strangemagic Sat 30-Mar-13 08:53:49

Aaaaarrrggggghhhhh elbowed boobs,coughing in my face and being whacked around the head or just poked ,you have my sympathy op.

Softlysoftly Sat 30-Mar-13 08:53:34

YANBU I have 2 dds and actually other than sleep time where they are both regularly in my bed they are fairly independent (10m and 3yrs). I am an extrovert and yet I still Get to the stage some days where I just can't handle any more noise and physical contact.

DH also comes in sometimes and wants to talk about his day, hug whatever and I just want to scream.

YANBU or mean or selfish. I quite regularly hide after tea and before bed to get a bit of space from small boys who feel the need to squeeze my neck, stroke my hair or sit on me even whilst i'm on the toilet.

It does get less intense as they get older though -12YO likes his space now too so it is a bit better. But I miss him in the general pile on of the other three.

I have a dream...Of a bright future.

Where my boobs are no longer elbowed & my hair is no longer pulled. Where I can go a whole day without having an eyeball carelessly poked or my lap full of 30lbs of pure energy & invasive curiosity!

On the plus side all that blocking of unexpected jabs to the face/body means I now have the reflexes of a ninja... grin

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