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to think you SHOULD have sex before marriage?

(101 Posts)

Watching 40 year old virgins on telly with DP (who I am living in sin with grin) and a bloke on the program is struggling as he was bought up to think that sex before marriage is wrong.

I personally think that sex is apart of getting know someone and going a way to fully understand your attraction and compatibility - therefore is essential before committing your life to that person.

I'm genuinely interested in what other people think. I went to a Catholic school so was bombarded with very strong "truths" to do with marriage etc.

cory Wed 21-Aug-13 11:32:34

I don't think anyone should dictate to anyone else what they should be doing with their lives. Though think there is always a strong case for walking into any situation with your eyes wide open:

if you marry somebody whose sexual compatibility with you is either unknown or not that great, then you both have to be prepared to work harder at that aspect than other people

(that doesn't necessarily make it wrong for you, just because somebody else wouldn't want to do that)

if you marry somebody without having shared a household you have to be prepared that they may have different ways of doing things, in other words you both have to put in more work to reach compatibility
(that doesn't necessarily make it all wrong for you, though it might well be the wrong choice for somebody else)

if you marry somebody from a very different kind of family or whose family you do not know, you have to be prepared that things you take for granted may not be things he takes for granted- so again, you are both preparing for more work
(that doesn't necessarily mean...)

and if, as me, you marry a man from a different culture, from a family with very different values and priorities, with whom you have lived in a long distance relationship, then you know from the start that there will have to be compromises- in other words, more work for the two of you

The sad thing is not when a mature and committed couple deliberately go in for a situation which requires more work because both are on board and they can see that their particular relationship is worth everything they can give it.

The sad thing is when a woman thinks she has to put up with something that isn't making her happy because any man is better than no man.

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