unreasonable for the girlfriends/wives to go on the stag do?

(251 Posts)
SummerFin Thu 28-Mar-13 18:24:36

My partner (call him DH for now) and I am getting married next year, we have been saving for the last 3 years to be able to do this.

Our wedding is booked for August. For the stag do my partner decided that he wanted to go to Amsterdam in July. Asked about 12 people, and 8 have said they wanted to go - there was never any pressure and it was made clear that if people couldn't afford or just didn't want to go it wouldn't be a problem.

This was decided in October and now DH needs to get a deposit from the 8 people. 3 of them have said that their girlfriends/wives would only be ok with it if they could come too.

So would it be possible for DH to add 3 extra places to the trip. The women would do their thing in the day together and then join the men in the evenings.

Is this completely unreasonable?

I would never feel the need to invite myself to someones stag do.

SummerFin Thu 28-Mar-13 20:44:30

I don't understand what your problem is with what they choose to do

For the reasons I and others have stated.

I don't get what your problem is.

Drink some camomile tea and rest your hand from it's constant clutching of pearls.

wongadotmom Thu 28-Mar-13 20:46:15

YABU

SummerFin Thu 28-Mar-13 20:50:09

grin great response.

Here is a tissue for your constant nosebleeds by the way.

ChocsAwayInMyGob Thu 28-Mar-13 20:55:55

YANBU. I'd have been beyond pissed off if loads of wives/girlfriends went on my DH's stag do. he would have been quite pissed off if blokes came on mine too.

The women wanting to go on the stag do are completely wrong. They look clingy and as if they are policing their partners.

My DH went on a stag do to Amsterdam and said it was a really beautiful city and that we should go one day. I am the world's most jealous and insecure pansy but I had not one single worry about him going to Amsterdam. The red light district is just one small part of the city. Most cities have a red light district anyway.

OP, your DH should be firm. Stag do is a man's weekend as the hen do is for women. He sounds like he's reasonable. Your DH 2B should ask the men taking their partners how they would feel if he went on their partner's hen night?

It's interesting how these threads bring out the internalised sexism and misogyny. Women do spend an incredible amount of energy trying to be 'cool' and trusting and think that sex shows are just fine as long as their man comes home to steak or whatever nonsense.

The fact is that Amsterdam, lovely as it is, has a lot of sex workers, strip and live sex shows and so on. None of which are exactly awesome for women generally. Men who want to objectify women are a bit yuk to me. It doesn't exactly scream of respect and equality. But, whatever, it's not like cool to be a feminist so I'll shut up now.

LaQueen Thu 28-Mar-13 21:03:45

I don't think it matters which city the stag do is in, or whether it has a famous red-light area, or not.

If a bloke wants to be unfaithful to his wife/partner, then he has more than ample opportunity, just going to a night club, in his home town, on a stag do.

SummerFin Thu 28-Mar-13 21:05:27

I'm confused MrsTerry because I (and I'm quite certain no-one else on this thread) has said that they are fine with their husband going to a sex show etc.

Some have just said (myself included) that they do not mind if their partner went on a weekend away or if they went to Amsterdam.

COMPLETELY DIFFERENT.

From what I can gather, they are planning on doing the Heineken experience and a canal boat ride.

Fine, that is what they will do. That is also what every stag weekend in Amsterdam consists of where the stag tells their WTB that. You do know we are randoms on the internet, right? I'll assume, until told otherwise, that this is an average stag in Amsterdam. The live sex shows, sex museum, strip shows and prostitutes must be losing money at a hell of a rate if stags don't go.

Just basic statistics for a minute. My parents like Amsterdam and go sometimes, as do I. Stags do too. If I am not using the facilities, and my parents aren't, who is?

LaQueen Thu 28-Mar-13 21:12:10

I'd be.a bit hmm at a sex show...but, DH going to Amsterdam for a stag-do? No problem with that...he's been a few times.

I'm not trying to be cool, which would be a bit pointless considering I'm nearly 43, and enjoy a cuppa tea and a flick through Good Housekeeping nowadays...but, I do trust my DH? Not because I want to appear cool, but because I have been with him for 22 years, and I know him, better than I know myself.

Pobblewhohasnotoes Thu 28-Mar-13 21:14:37

LaurieFairyCake Thu 28-Mar-13 20:29:22
Hey, Amsterdam is lovely. Lovely beer, lovely museums.

But surely there's not many going to come on here and say that they went to a stag do and they just went to museums and drank beer

<sets out challenge>

My DH did that. They even did a river cruise. Carry on with the judging...

Pobblewhohasnotoes Thu 28-Mar-13 21:16:38

Hang on, lots of people go to the sex shows, couples go, I have friend's that have been. It's a night out!

Is everyone really trying to say that the average stag do in Amsterdam is river cruises and museums? Really? Not just trying to prove a point?

wongadotmom Thu 28-Mar-13 21:20:58

So not unreasonable for wives/girlfriends to go to dam for the sex shows etc if that's their bag surely?

SummerFin Thu 28-Mar-13 21:21:10

No-one has said that.

Maybe the average stag up to Amsterdam is what you perceive it to be.

But I'm talking about what specifically my DH is doing.

But we don't know you or your DH. I might assume, this being the internets, that he is average.

I am also biased. My DH's friend was trying desperately to get my DH to go to Vegas on his stag. This friend cheats. Some people are not to be trusted and some people have ended up in relationships with them. Maybe these women could get a bit of compassion instead of being painted as shrews.

LaQueen Thu 28-Mar-13 21:28:11

Bt, if these women distrust their DHs/partners to the point of feeling compelled to accompany them on a stag-do...I totally fail to understand why they're with them?

If I felt I couldn't trust my DH/partner to behave whilst on a stag do...I wouldn't be joining him on said stag do to bleddy chaperone him...I'd have waved him bye bye, long since.

Shakey1500 Thu 28-Mar-13 21:31:27

I wonder if the partners would be inviting themselves along if it was say, Dubrovnik/Prague or somewhere other than the reputation laden Amsterdam?

Either way, I still think they should butt out grin

If it were that easy LaQueen no one would ever have been in a shitty relationship for more than five minutes. I have been. Took me years to leave. I just don't like that these women are being pilloried for their 'bad' and impolite behaviour, which I agree it is, when they could have reasons. I blame DH's cheating friend for my compassion.

Dubrovnik and Prague are both hives of prostitution. What about Paris or Vienna?

Startail Thu 28-Mar-13 21:33:49

I've always wanted to go to Amsterdam, so I confess I'd like to come.

Shakey1500 Thu 28-Mar-13 21:35:45

Are they really? Oh well, yes then Paris or Vienna (though I'm sure each has it's own "district" if one looked hard enough)

LadyFlumpalot Thu 28-Mar-13 21:35:46

SummerFin. I would advise your soon to be DH to stay away from the "Banana Show". A lad at work went (on his stag do as it happens) and the final act is the dancer using her (impressive) pelvic floor muscles to fire a dildo across the room. Unfortunately it whacked my colleague right in the face and broke his nose. Luckily his wife to be thought it was poetic justice hilarious!

SummerFin Thu 28-Mar-13 21:36:44

Some people are not to be trusted and some people have ended up in relationships with them. Maybe these women could get a bit of compassion instead of being painted as shrews.

I haven't painted them as shrews - I just think they are unreasonable.

If people ended up with people that cheat - then either they knew it from the start so shouldn't have got into that relationship. Or they have discovered it and all the trust is gone - and that relationship should have been ended.

I have ended a relationship before with a man I loved because the trust had gone.

Lizzylou Thu 28-Mar-13 21:38:22

Blimey! I'd love a weekend break in Amsterdam but tagging onto a stag do?
Really?

How pathetic.

If someone is going to cheat they do it in Hull/Bournemouth/Eastbourne/Norwich. Bit of a cliche to do it in Amsterdam anyway. Very last season.

SummerFin Thu 28-Mar-13 21:38:51

What about Paris or Vienna?

You do know that Montmartre has a red light district right?

Just because it's not as universally and comically well known as Amsterdam doesn't mean it doesn't exist.

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