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AIBU?

unreasonable for the girlfriends/wives to go on the stag do?

250 replies

SummerFin · 28/03/2013 18:24

My partner (call him DH for now) and I am getting married next year, we have been saving for the last 3 years to be able to do this.

Our wedding is booked for August. For the stag do my partner decided that he wanted to go to Amsterdam in July. Asked about 12 people, and 8 have said they wanted to go - there was never any pressure and it was made clear that if people couldn't afford or just didn't want to go it wouldn't be a problem.

This was decided in October and now DH needs to get a deposit from the 8 people. 3 of them have said that their girlfriends/wives would only be ok with it if they could come too.

So would it be possible for DH to add 3 extra places to the trip. The women would do their thing in the day together and then join the men in the evenings.

Is this completely unreasonable?

I would never feel the need to invite myself to someones stag do.

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anonymosity · 28/03/2013 18:25

You are being a teeny bit unreasonable. Amsterdam. Hum, wonder what that's famous for...

ZZZenEggain · 28/03/2013 18:26

it might restrict what the men do in the evenings which is presumably the point. Well if the men who are going are all aware of this and happy to go along with it, why not? Ask the other 5

givemeaclue · 28/03/2013 18:27

Basically 3 people don't trust their partners.

jumpingjackhash · 28/03/2013 18:33

^ what givemeaclue said.

I can think of few things worse than joining a stag group tbh, but then again I trust my husband. I think they're BU if they insist on going/their partners going.

If it were my hen do and my friends' husbands/boyfriends wanted to join, I'd be pretty miffed and put the kybosh on that, it would change the whole dynamic.

ClippedPhoenix · 28/03/2013 18:35

My thoughts exactly givemeaclue.

No, women should not go along to a stag do.

Same as men shouldn't go along to a hen do.

Dannilion · 28/03/2013 18:35

My step-nan is like this, won't let grandad go on a stag do/golf trip etc unless she goes. It reeks of insecurity and often means he is left out of things.

I think it's totally unreasonable to demand to go on a stag do. Loads of people will go "ohhhh but Amsterdam is only famous for one thing". It's not, it's a beautiful city. People are more likely to get so stoned they fall asleep in Maccy D's than they are to get blind drunk and cop off with a stranger. Prostitutes are expensive and the red light district is really uninviting. Although pretty interesting to see! I would much prefer DP to go there for his stag do than blackpool.

Squitten · 28/03/2013 18:36

Well, it's up to your DH isn't it? It's his do so if he wants lads only, he has to accept that three of them won't be going.

Can't think of much worse than tagging along on some blokey piss-up!

ScentedNappyHag · 28/03/2013 18:37

Fine for women to go if they're friends of the 'stag' and would be invited anyway, not cool at all if they are just tagging along to babysit their partner. I'd find it really cringey to be honest.

Birdsgottafly · 28/03/2013 18:38

For all you know, the men may want there DP's there, so they don't have to do the traditional strip/sex shows. I've known a group of men to hire a prostitute between them and those sharing the room had to find somewhere else to sleep to not be involved in it. I would leave those who have already committed to going to sort it out, as it will change the nature of the trip. They are turning a stag do into a couples holiday, tbh.

jumpingjackhash · 28/03/2013 18:38

What does your fiance think Summerfin?

SummerFin · 28/03/2013 18:44

I see your point Birds but DH wouldn't want to do something like that.

He's also a nice enough guy that his friends know that if they were honest and just said it's not my thing then they wouldn't be force to do anything they didn't want to do.

Jack He said that he'd speak to the others first.

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MrsTerryPratchett · 28/03/2013 18:46

For all you know these three have already cheated on their partners and this is the compromise. It's all very well saying we trust our DH's and it's insecurity. However, hands up who has either been hit on by a married or in a relationship man or seen it happen? That would be everyone. Hands up who has been to Amsterdam/Prague/Thailand and see what the majority of men without women there are doing. I think these stags away in notorious prostitution areas are a stupid idea. I like Amsterdam but I don't think most stag weekends there are filled with river boat cruises and Van Gogh exhibits.

MortifiedAdams · 28/03/2013 18:46

Stags are for the Groom and his closest friends and family, be they male or female, young or old. They are not for plus ones

50ShadesOfGreggs · 28/03/2013 18:51

I think they are being bloody cheeky! I bet they wouldn't want their DPs to tag along on a girls' trip though...

DH went to Amsterdam a few months ago, and to 4 other weekends abroad with the lads over the past couple of years. It never even entered my mind to think twice about it.

YellowandGreenandRedandBlue · 28/03/2013 18:53

Why do you care if they go?

attheendoftheday · 28/03/2013 19:33

I came on to say I don't see why stag/hen Dp's can't be mixed gender - I've been invited to a couple of stag dos (my brother and a male friend).

But it's very rude for people who haven't been invited to tag along.

wongadotmom · 28/03/2013 19:43

I think it is unreasonable to want to marry someone who would have a stag do in Amsterdam of all places. Yuk!

wongadotmom · 28/03/2013 19:45

attheendoftheday - the best stag/hen do I have ever been to was mixed, all friends and family of the bride and groom to be at their favourite pub. It was a great night.

seriouscakeeater · 28/03/2013 19:47

YANBU girls don't go on stags.

SummerFin · 28/03/2013 19:51

wongadotmom

Rude. Unnecessary. Being nasty just for the sake of it.

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wongadotmom · 28/03/2013 19:53

I have been to Amsterdam. Have you?

NickyNackyNooNoo · 28/03/2013 19:53

YANBU - it's rude to invite yourself along, tbh if I were their OH I'd just not go.

Also Amsterdam is not just known for one thing, that's like saying all Mumsnetters are 'pearl clutchers'

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Pobblewhohasnotoes · 28/03/2013 19:54

Erm.. My DH had his stag do in Amsterdam, good to see people making assumptions on here!!

I trust him and know exactly what they got up to as they told me (and the other girlfriends). Infact my hen was far more drunken.

These wives and girlfriends must be very insecure. Girls don't go on stag weekends. It's totally unreasonable for them to tag along.

chickenfactory · 28/03/2013 19:55

Most ridiculous idea in my opinion. Stag do are not for partners. Can't imagine DH coming on a hen do with me either.

SummerFin · 28/03/2013 19:55

Yes. I have been to Amsterdam 4 times.

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