Not to understand: Your House/Wedding/Child Your Rules?

(122 Posts)
Hullygully Thu 28-Mar-13 11:54:43

What happened to manners?

What happened to consideration for other people, putting one's guests first, or making people feel comfortable or just mutually agreeing a framework of behaviour around kids?

How can it work if everyone has Me Me Mine about Their Rules??

MrsLion Thu 28-Mar-13 21:45:45

I don't think you can lump 'my child, my rules' with 'my house/ wedding my rules' etc...

I have pulled the 'my child, my rules' out for mil when all other discussion failed. It was nothing to do with manners.

I was requesting that my pre-schoolers who can't swim did need an adult in the pool with them, especially given it was over their heads. 
Mil insisted they were safe and could 'hang onto the side'. 

DH and I weren't there, before anyone asks why we weren't in the pool too.

Tbh I don't think parenting is 'decision by committee'. Of course there many influences in a childs life, and advice should be offered/received, opinions respected and experiences shared between wider family and friends. But at the end of the day, parents or caregivers make the decisions about their children.  

It's not a free-for-all, nor should it be. So IMO, in the right situation 'my child, my rules' is absolutely fine.

Incidentally, where I live it's considered bad manners not to take your shoes off when going into someone else's house. I twigged eventually after committing many a faux pas.

fishcalledwonder Thu 28-Mar-13 16:33:16

I agree with regards to rules in the house. I hope that any guests in my home feel welcome and comfortable enough to do what they like.

However, I've watched several friends spoil their own wedding in their attempts to please others, so am a big advocate of people putting themselves first on their wedding day.

RatPants Thu 28-Mar-13 16:22:46

YANBU. Rude, rude, rude.

Laquitar Thu 28-Mar-13 15:58:39

I prefer no shoes in the house and my friends know this.Imo everybody is allowed to have an 'odd thing' but it is how you express it.

I agree with the op and i think that you can play by your rules only but then you must accept that people can be rigid too. For example you can decide to marry abroad but dont expect people to pay 1K in flights to come, you can ban your ILs from your house but dont complain about lack of babysitting, you can throw in the bin the xmas present because it was pink but then dont complain if your children dont receive easter eggs and so on.

ICBINEG Thu 28-Mar-13 15:57:30

<lowers cunt bunting from the safety of an upstairs window>

WallyBantersJunkBox Thu 28-Mar-13 15:43:01

Yes i take it everywhere I go, for maximum DING DONG!

Hullygully Thu 28-Mar-13 15:38:29

Oh, unless it is your portable one, SOZ

Hullygully Thu 28-Mar-13 15:38:05

except it's her bell

WallyBantersJunkBox Thu 28-Mar-13 15:36:46

MY BELL, MY RULES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WallyBantersJunkBox Thu 28-Mar-13 15:36:27

i just wanted to enquire on where one could purchase some "cunt bunting"?

<<Inquisitive>>

ICBINEG Thu 28-Mar-13 15:32:50

<peers out through curtains, wonders who in their right mind travels with a portable doorbell, then hides under the bed>

WallyBantersJunkBox Thu 28-Mar-13 15:29:14

DingDong!

<<waits outside ICBINEG's house>>

ICBINEG Thu 28-Mar-13 15:28:28

man I really really wanted to deploy the HTH there...I could have gotten away with it...but it's just TOO PA.....I always back away from the brink...

TheBigJessie Thu 28-Mar-13 15:27:20

You, Hully, are part of Broken Britain. I will be writing a stirring (in both senses) polemic for a national newspaper about you, in due course.

WallyBantersJunkBox Thu 28-Mar-13 15:26:27

Salmo - it's the lack of blinking during eye contact that makes it frightening, to make it worse, add a slight tick....

ICBINEG Thu 28-Mar-13 15:26:15

you can definitely ebay as a verb....

Hullygully Thu 28-Mar-13 15:25:29

Wally, I very much like both your name and your use of "ding dong"

Hullygully Thu 28-Mar-13 15:24:43

But my children ARE my possessions.

I am going to ebay them in due course.

Can one ebay? As a verb?

TheBigJessie Thu 28-Mar-13 15:20:05

ICBINEG It's a bit Ursula Leguin but I would like to see 'my child' outlawed from the language and replaced with 'the child I am responsible for' or maybe 'the child' or just their name....thinking of children as belongings is a Bad Thing.

I agree with this.

Salmotrutta Thu 28-Mar-13 15:19:30

Oh Lordy yes Maryz.

Where have you been?

Maryz Thu 28-Mar-13 15:18:09

I never realised before today what a contentious subject lego was shock

Salmotrutta Thu 28-Mar-13 15:12:40

I already smile sweetly and stare like a mad woman...

I don't need encouraging.

The one thing where I would rigidly enforce My House, My Rules would be if someone wanted to smoke indoors.

WallyBantersJunkBox Thu 28-Mar-13 14:55:26

Salmotrutta Thu 28-Mar-13 12:31:13

What if someone came to visit and, during tea and cake, asked if you would put the TV on so they could watch the rugby/football/golf?

Resonse: Oh I'm terribly sorry, we don't have that channel, smile sweetly and stare unblinkingly at him like a mad woman

Then: Oooo do you have Radio 5 live in your car? Perhaps you could pop out and turn it on there, if not we have a radio in the shed you could go and listen to?

I think I find it annoying as he also gets the paper and goes to read it in another room leaving me, DH and SIL to look after the kids.

Response: Oh look kids, Uncle Twatface is retiring to the lounge with the paper. Why don't you join him and see if he can make some fun hats and boats out of it using origami, you know, the ancient art of Japanese paper folding. I bet he'd love to show you.

Then: Thanks for that Uncle Twatface, it will give us time to clear up after you all! <<close lounge door leaving kids with him>>

I also hide the lego models (A whole other thread)

Response: Anyone schlllaaag touches that Lego model and they are out, d'ya hear me, OUT!

WallyBantersJunkBox Thu 28-Mar-13 14:45:14

Manners are a two way thing, borne out of communication.

Scenario 1:

Ding dong!
Open door to guest: Hello, how lovely to see you, do come in. Can I take your coat. If you are more comfortable around the house without shoes please pop them over there and if you like, help yourself to those Ikea guest slippers.
No? No problem the lounge is through there....go in and make yourselves at home.

Scenario 2:

Guest: Do you mind if I smoke?
You: I'm sorry but we can't have smoke in the house due to the children, let me show you an area in the garden where you can enjoy your cigarette and I'll just get you an ashtray to use when you need to out there. Would you like a brolly?

Scenario 3:

Mr and Mrs Wally Banter are invited to the wedding of blah de blah.
FAQ note in with directions - "We hope you will understand that due to headcount this wedding is for invitees only and not their children on this occasion. Whilst we would love you to come and celebrate our happy day, we understand that distance and childcare can sometimes be difficult to plan. If that's the case, we look forward to celebrating individually with you on another occasion, best wishes the future Mr and Mrs Blah de Blah.

Why would any of that be difficult to execute?

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