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To have locked my 3 year old in her room ?

(35 Posts)
Inseywinseyupthespout Thu 28-Mar-13 11:48:54

I'm off work with both DDs during the Easter hols .

DD1 is 3 and DD2 is 11 months . I'm fed up .

The baby is whingy and has a cold and is clingy , that I can just about deal with .

However , I've just completely lost my temper with the 3yr old sad

Everything is an issue ... "I don't like that / I don't want that cup / I want some more juice - not that juice / etc etc "
Today , I'm tired , grouchy and feeling a bit weak and lethargic & finding it rather tough . She just does not listen !

I told her she couldn't take her paints in to the lounge - so she starts to take them in - I tell her again, don't take your paints in the lounge - so she walks of laughing with the paints in to the bloody lounge !

I took them off her and really really shouted at her sad; she got really upset . I apologised for shouting , told her I loved her but she has to listen.

Then it all starts again - taking toys from her sister ans the hitting - I cant stand the bloody hitting !

DD1 has hitting issues - this has been going on for over a year . Nothing is working with her . I've tried time out consistently , ignoring the bad / praising the good , and admittedly , I have smacked her a couple of times (I know , I know blush - only light taps on the bottom , nothing major , but still hypocritical .

Today , I cleaned the sofa and 10 mins later , DD1 wiped her crisp covered hands on the sofa then ignored
Me when I told her to stop.

Then , she was kicking me in the back , I told her to stop & she ignored me . I gave her a warning and told her if she didn't stop then I was going to put her in her room.

Needless to say , she didn't stop . So I took her straight upstairs , plonked her on her bed and shut the stair gate . She screamed and screamed and stamped , but to be honest , I have had enough ! and the fucking screaming hurts my ears

Was it an unreasonable thing to do or was I justified?? I feel a bit cruel .

(Whilst I have been writing this , she has pinched her sisters raisins & thrown rubbish on the floor which she refuses to pick up hmm )

superbagpuss Thu 28-Mar-13 11:52:01

my advice is you need a break! have you got someone who can come round and take your DC out to play for a bit? give her some special attention and give you some time out? sorry if that's not helpful

superbagpuss Thu 28-Mar-13 11:52:46

DC should be dd 1. sorry for confusion

blackeyedsusan Thu 28-Mar-13 11:53:51

time out is ok fo 3 year old. more acceptable than a smack. go nd ask for n pologyy nd for her to help tidying. if she says no, then back in her room she goes for a futher 3 minutes.

blackeyedsusan Thu 28-Mar-13 11:54:43

fucking keyboard.

go and ask for an apology

LastTangoInDevonshire Thu 28-Mar-13 11:54:49

I've never understood people 'apologising' to young children. Just don't do it.

You did the right thing shutting her in her room. Make sure you continue to 'remove her from the situation' and things should get better once she realises she is screaming to herself.

PickledInAPearTree Thu 28-Mar-13 11:55:55

Just her bedroom? She's lucky!

babyinacorner Thu 28-Mar-13 11:56:10

Sounds fair enough to me...you did give her loads of warning!

I don't think YWBU...you sound knackered! I agree with the PP...DD1 sounds bored, is there someone who could take her to run off some energy for a couple of hours so you can relax (as much as you can with a clingy ill baby anyway)>

MiniEggsJumpedInMyBasket Thu 28-Mar-13 11:59:36

She sounds really spoilt. I'd be shutting her in her room every time she acts that way. She'll soon stop...

drwitch Thu 28-Mar-13 12:01:54

I think that she is probably doing this because she sees her little sis getting loads of attention by winging and whining, she wants attention that her sister is getting, does not understand why you expect higher standards from her and also wants to check that you still love her. I am not saying you were unreasonable at all, not only are you human but she needs to learn about dealing with these feelings in a more grown up way, i just think that understanding that her behaviour is a natural part of growing up and dealing with sharing you then you might be less worried about it, can you wait until your youngest has a nap then go back to bed for cuddles and a story with your eldest

morethanpotatoprints Thu 28-Mar-13 12:03:47

You need a break, it sounds so bad for you atm.

Please get some help, maybe somebody to take your dd out. She is not naughty, just testing boundaries and looking for attention. She does need this attention too by the sounds of it.
poor you and poor dd. if you can't find somebody to help, as soon as all are well get out and about, i used to find this helped me alot.

Inseywinseyupthespout Thu 28-Mar-13 12:08:36

That's probably why I feel so awful because I know it's attention seeking .

It seems to have co-incided with DD2 starting to walk / climbing etc.

I try to praise her for the littlest things .

SirBoobAlot Thu 28-Mar-13 12:08:44

I think you were unreasonable, but mainly because by shutting children in their bedrooms you then create a bad association with them, making them a negative place to be, a place of 'punishment', and so can cause problems for bedtime.

Have you heard of 'time ins' as an alternative to 'time outs'? Worth looking into.

And try and find someone to give you a hand, not surprised you're stressed.

As for not apologising to your children... Really? So you never do anything wrong? hmm We expect them to apologise when they shout, why shouldn't we apologise when we do?

Inseywinseyupthespout Thu 28-Mar-13 12:10:13

There is nobody to help.

DH is at work and we have no family near . I'm normally ok , it's just today - I am raging with it all . Possibly PmT too !

Inseywinseyupthespout Thu 28-Mar-13 12:11:26

sirboobalot - I agree .

Just didn't know what else to do at the time .

Inseywinseyupthespout Thu 28-Mar-13 12:13:47

I know we need to get out at some point today .

Just trying to rev myself up for the stress of getting us all dressed and bags packed .

YANBU giving her time out. I did it with DS about that age (I gave a minute a year) and it DID work. He hated it, screamed kicked the door etc but it was the worst punishment I handed out, so kept it only for 'special occasions'.

But agree with poster above, we didn't use his bedroom as I didn't want any negativity associated with it. Plus he had toys in his room which he would just play with. I used our spare room (which had nothing in it).

You do sound very stressed. Do you have anyone in RL who you can call to help out. I really struggled with DS at this age and even an hour to myself made me feel human again.

mumofweeboys Thu 28-Mar-13 12:32:34

I send my rather cheeky 4 year old to his room if he has been naughty in the extreme, after time outs ect. I dont think it creates negative associations, sometimes a mum just needs space to calm down and have a 5 min cuppa to regain some sanity. They have toys in their rooms so it to me its not a real punishment, more of a method to stop me killing the the blighter when I have reached the end of my tether.

Lucyellensmum95 Thu 28-Mar-13 12:43:46

Can you get out of the house at all? Bundle the LO up in pushchair and go for a walk, i know its cold but it might help your DD to burn off excess energy.

Could you even go to the dreaded soft play center?

OHforDUCKScake Thu 28-Mar-13 12:44:51

"I've never understood people who apologise to young children."

Erm, because we don't always get things right? Because children are human beings, not dogs? Because yet need to see we are human beings too, that may not always get things right but we try our hardest?

Seriously what an unpleasant way of viewing things.

OP, god I feel your pain, I really, really do. My eldest did exactly the same at the same age when I was pregnant (this was why).
I'd shut him in his room (which me in it) and he would trash the place, really violent. I'm surprised he didn't great a window or bones, his or mine.

It was a bad, bad time. I tried smacking, but it made absolutely no difference in fact it exasperated the situation.

She will grin out if it and hopefully you'll get some good advice as t how to get through that.

In the mean time you definitely do need a break, does she go to nursery?

OHforDUCKScake Thu 28-Mar-13 12:45:46

Excuse the auto correctness going on there, I still haven't turned it off.

When DS gets all contrary...and he's MY boy so he's learnt contrary from the Queen of it...I usually try the old 'whatever you do, don't help me tidy up' trick and just tell him the opposite of what I want him to do.

It does take all the anger out of it and works realy well for both of us. I stop getting wound up with him and he snaps out of his strop.

I hope it helps....

Inseywinseyupthespout Thu 28-Mar-13 12:54:10

The thing is I work full time and I was really looking forward to having a week of with them - but it has just turned out to be stress .

We haven't been anywhere due to money issues and we are all fed up .

I really ought to be handling things better if I work full time sad

I just feel so knackered and lethargic . I'm anaemic so could be that , but I feel guilty because the week has been shit .

hopefloats Thu 28-Mar-13 12:55:02

OHforDUCKScake - I tried smacking, but it made absolutely no difference

Oh, but child abuse DOES make a difference.

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