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to be pissed off with dh

(155 Posts)
uptherear Thu 28-Mar-13 09:05:14

Dh works p/t half through previous unfortunate circumstances but half because he prefers it.
He enjoys his job and has less stresses than before.
Of course we are skint but I am a good budgeter!
So we cant afford treats but i bake to give dcs a treat for school break and occasional budget a 6 pack of crisps as these are dds favourite treat.

I used to have to hide them or dh would scoff them despite my saying these are for the dc. But recently we have had discussions and I expressed my frustration at having to go to the troubke of hiding treats. He should know as I do that we can only afford these as a little occasional treat for the dc. My treat is that I get to be a sahm, his treat is doing a piss easy job he loves p/t the kids miss out on stuff we could once afford so I like to get them a little treat for school snack every once in a while. They get fed up with scones/muffins/flapjacks that i have made.

Dh scoffed the last pavk of crisps that was in the basket for her snack today. Dh claims he ate them because only 1pack so thought it'd be ok. We have 2 school age dc and one preschool. Ds prefers a biccy as a treat so had one aside for him and crisps for dd who ended up in tears going to school with a biccy that she isnt fussed about.
Fed up wiyh everyone everyone making sacrifices and dh helpjng jimself to whatever he fancies :-(
So pissed off. Am i an unreasonable control freak?!

PollyEthelEileen Thu 28-Mar-13 09:08:48

I would say not to sweat the small stuff.

purplewithred Thu 28-Mar-13 09:09:16

YANBU about the crisps. But I do think your setup is hard on the kids, personally.

Cluffyfunt Thu 28-Mar-13 09:12:01

I would be verry pissed off at that kind of selfishness.

I know it sounds small, but I believe that things like that can chip away at a relationship and breed contempt.

auforfoulkesake Thu 28-Mar-13 09:12:30

I HAVE THE Same issues with my dh, but if it isn't him it is the dc's stealing food and why shouldn't he eat, that's his excuse.

no solution.
supply can never meet demand.

givemeaclue Thu 28-Mar-13 09:12:58

If things are really so tight that you are counting crisps them need to look again at your financial situation. If dp only works part time then could you work part time too? Half a job between two of you does sound like too little. If you both worked part time then you could all have crisps. Why is it only dp role to provide financially?

auforfoulkesake Thu 28-Mar-13 09:13:03

you know crisps are bad for you ?

Whoknowswhocares Thu 28-Mar-13 09:13:09

If you are so hard up that a packet of crisps is this much of a big deal, then one or both of you need to step up and work proper hours. Half a job between 2 adults is ridiculous, since you quite clearly say it is a lifestyle choice, not a lack of employment
Living in such a way is unfair on your kids and the taxpayer

WorraLiberty England Thu 28-Mar-13 09:14:10

He's very selfish but I agree with purple, the way you're both choosing to live does sound quite hard on the kids.

uptherear Thu 28-Mar-13 09:14:28

Its hard not to sweat the small stuff when small stuff is all we can afford.

The situation is only hard on the dc in terms off material things. Its a personal choice and I think the time we have to spend doing stuff as a family makes up for not being able to afford fancy things. Even if i wanted things to change the job opportunities just dont exist at the moment.

livinginwonderland Thu 28-Mar-13 09:14:52

you can't support a family on part-time wages. it's not fair on your children. either your DH needs to get a full-time job or you need to find a part-time job yourself.

how do you really expect to raise three children on a job of about 20 hours a week? that's ridiculous.

Alibabaandthe40nappies Thu 28-Mar-13 09:15:25

I think you are both being a bit selfish, actually. Choosing to work so little and seeing your DCs go without.

imaginethat Thu 28-Mar-13 09:16:02

I think some men just don't get it. I remember my ex used to eat gingerbread men I'd baked for the kids. I mean fgs

RedHelenB Thu 28-Mar-13 09:16:28

I take it he works 24 hours so you get the tax credits but even if you did a few hours you would fins that you had more money for "treats" and an option for more hours as the children got older. Are you saying you never have crisps at all?

auforfoulkesake Thu 28-Mar-13 09:16:31

but the working is not the issue, it is the eating crisps.

WallyBantersJunkBox Thu 28-Mar-13 09:17:49

Very childish of him to not be able to curb his temptation for treats when he chose to live on the breadline.

If he wants treats for himself he should go out and earn more money to pay for them. It's not fair to expect the DC to understand this.

Or teach him to make microwave crisps from a baking potato when he has his "urges"

Perhpas steer the DC away from these forms of treats and make treats something of a healthier non food variety - such as playing a special game with dad, or building a tent in the living room with sheets and pillows.

Naysa Thu 28-Mar-13 09:19:07

My dad used to do this to my sister and I. It got to he point where we would eat our share in one go rather than have him steal our share aswell as eating his own.

He used to work p/t and would justify it by saying he worked harder than us so deserved more.

It got to the point where my sister would stash food and I would eat until I threw up. Just to make sure he couldn't take what was our's. My mum had to stop buying us treats but he still wanted snack bar and crisps to take to work. angry

Your husband is sending such a bad messge to his children. If they're anything like we were they'll resent him having anything.

Montybojangles Thu 28-Mar-13 09:20:33

Umm, get a part time Job maybe.
Something like cleaning or dog walking can be fairly flexiible. One of my friends takes in ironing for extra cash.

dreamingofsun Thu 28-Mar-13 09:21:11

agree with the others....one of you needs to get more paid employment. if you are counting crisps this situation is so dire that it can't go on. if anything breaks you are going to be in financial ruin and this isn't fair on the kids. as they get older they will become more expensive and as things stand they will be unable to do lots of things their mates do.

Montybojangles Thu 28-Mar-13 09:23:38

I think the work is the issue though. If you are rationing things to such an extent, but have capacity to change the situation then that is equally the issue.

Out of curiosity what treats does your husband get? Im not sure classing his job as his treat is acceptable, maybe for you, but possibly not for him.

auforfoulkesake Thu 28-Mar-13 09:24:05

perhaps op is in a benefit trap, you can only work so many hours in order to claim certain benefits.
I know we are.
my dh took a part time job after being made redundant, it was meant to be for 6 months, but there is Nothing Else out for there him. Nothing.

but the issue is the crisps. or lack of.

YoothaJoist Thu 28-Mar-13 09:25:48

This is a really sad thread. What sort of father steals his own children's treats?

Agree with the others - your 'life style choices' are really hard on your kids and your selfish DP is a twat.

uptherear Thu 28-Mar-13 09:27:02

My dh and i moved 200 miles from family friends for his previous job. 3 years down the line was made redundant. Had a years temp full time work and then only p/t permanent in his field. Means he works away from home. Youngest is 3 and so I have 2.5 hrs per day childfree. Not many jobs can fit round these hours and we live in a very remote place with no family to care for the dc whilst i work. Plus the jobs are bloody scarce tbh.

Dc only miss out on the treats for school or softplay being a regular thing etc. Now softplay is a very special treat once in a while and they have carrot sticks/an apple/ homebaking for snack. Tbh they are prob healthier for it. They as before eat healthy meals that i cook from scratch and attend all the usual after school clubs etc. I can budget to ensure my kids dont miss out. Just pisses me off dh doesnt feel the need to help with this.

And dh wants to work, he wasnt prepared to completely for go his career to be a sahp whereas I did. We are both graduates with years of full time work behind us. We used savings to dramatically reduce mort to get us out of a huge dark whole that redundancy brought about.

If things are that tight that to buy a six pack of crisps is an ocassional treat then you nee to take a hard look at your life......one parent not working and the other working part time is no ideal set up especially if you have three kids.

It's all well and good for you and DH but not great for the kids.

sorry, x post there.

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