to pretend I didn't get paid?

(201 Posts)
MariefromStMoritz Wed 27-Mar-13 02:27:08

I feel so naughty writing that, but please hear me out...

Me and DH are really broke right now. I have just returned from Mat Leave and get my first salary in the next few days, probably Friday. DH gets paid on Monday. To give you an indication of how broke we are, I get a free lunch at work, which I have been bringing home to feed us all. I therefore have nothing to eat all day because of it. My last pair of tights got a hole in them yesterday, but I have to wear them today because I have no others. Not only that, but DS desperately needs new shoes, his socks are too small, the baby has hardly any toys or books. Basically, I need to spend some money on us.

So the in-laws are coming to stay for a long weekend. They are quite well-off, but hardly ever put their hands in their pockets. They are notoriously mean. Consequently, we pay for everything. It is partly our fault, because we always feel obliged to take them out, etc. But then you don't want to sit on the sofa for 4 days. It invariably ends up costing us a fortune when they stay here which is why I am thinking...

If I get paid on Friday, pretending that I didn't. Is that really bad? I just don't want to have to spend all my money on food, petrol, etc. then have nothing left for us. This will mean that they will have to pay for anything we do, which I feel bad about. But we did tell them it was a bad time to come as I had just gone back to work, so not much money (amongst other things), but they wanted to come anyway.

AIBU?

armagh Fri 05-Apr-13 17:48:08

Well. Were the in laws decent?
Did they help out ?

BonzoDooDah Thu 04-Apr-13 20:21:01

How did you get on?
Did they cough-up for the goods?

Noideaatall Fri 29-Mar-13 01:08:26

I totally agree that when some people say they have no money, they don't mean in the same way as others. When my DP says they didn't have much money growing up, he means, only one holiday a year, shopping at Sainsburys instead of Waitrose, and his mum had to work. In my family, not much money meant bread & butter for tea and no heating. Maybe the PIL are in the first group? In which case, time to introduce them to the second..

RenterNomad Thu 28-Mar-13 09:24:34

Hope you're all out, having a good time en plein air , which will make the house's reduced heating feel warmer on your return! wink

myBOYSareBONKERS Thu 28-Mar-13 06:50:15

OP

Have you tried your local facebook selling pages? or pre-loved?

ArtVandelay Thu 28-Mar-13 06:27:40

I agree Tempus, I just felt a bit sorry for someone not having had a new toothbrush for a year and decided to give some (unsolicited) advice.

I also wanted to point out that you can't just pop to Asda for some 12 quid school shoes or some 50p tights so budgeting 300 quid for the shopping doesn't make Marie a mad spendthrift.

Have a nice and cheap weekend Marie smile

TempusFuckit Wed 27-Mar-13 21:40:15

Isn't the point that the OP has enough money to spend the shockingly huge sum of £300 on treating her kids after a year of penny pinching - as long as she doesn't wine and dine her selfish inlaws?

so of course it would be better not to lie. but you will both feel very under pressure to be hospitable when they're actually in your living room expecting food. it is very hard to resist.

so yes, i would lie. and get them to see exactly what your kind of broke is.

hopefully they will step up to the plate.

plus - get your dh to deal with getting his parents to pay. they are his parents after all.

Darkesteyes Wed 27-Mar-13 20:58:03

Is it just you skipping lunch at work or is your dh doing it as well

HansieMom Wed 27-Mar-13 20:28:36

When you bring your lunch home, does your husband eat it? Has he had lunch?

I really want you to serve PIL beans on toast.

SquinkieBunnies Wed 27-Mar-13 18:01:42

Not sure what country you are in Marie, but Mark and Spencers has free shipping to many right now, I'm US and just replaced all my old saggy bras and knickers, you could probably find all kinds of kids stuff on their clearance and tights for you, cheaper than Switzerland if tats where you are.
Maybe if you mention the country, there are mums on here who know of deals in your area.

Toasttoppers Wed 27-Mar-13 17:12:36

The real problem is the fact that your DH is completely withholding the truth from his parents. Regardless of playpens, tights with holes and how you ended up brassic. If you have always hidden how hard things are they will not have a clue. I'm guessing your DH feels a failure, are his parents very successful?

My friend has in laws that expect to be waited on hand and foot and drink gallons of her wine. Drives her potty but she does not say or do anything. Tell your DH to grow a pair and tell them and let him know you will if he doesn't.

LIZS Wed 27-Mar-13 17:10:11

Not sure the op is in CH now , but there are budget supermarkets (not on scale of Tesco but do the home and clothing staples none the less), also Carrefour, Aldi, Lidl et al, with factory outlets and less expensive shoe shops too. Hopefully they are over their financial blip now. If pils are form uk can they not bring a parcel of essentials , we used to ask for particular food or basics ie pack of 6 baby bodysuits.

You live in an expensive country, your PILs will be coming to see your from the UK, right?

How do you feel about asking them to bring things with them from the UK 'because they are so much cheaper there'? Since they're uninvited guests anyway?

forevergreek Wed 27-Mar-13 16:54:42

There is an Aldi in st moritz - it's:
ALDI SUISSE AG, SAMEDAN

They will have cheap pasta sauce, toothbrushes for 50 cents, cheap conditioner and possible shoes/ baby things depending on what week it is

eBay/ amazon etc also deliver. Last time I was in st moritz there was also a few charity shops ( oxfam I think). Which will have books/ toys/ clothes.

Do you really need a playpen? Thy only last a few months before most children can climb out so become a tad useless

I would def save the rest. Get yourself to Aldi to buy all the essentials you say you havent had for months. 50 euros will still get you a lot of essentials.

Does you 5/6/7 year old have no books that you can read to baby? They dont have to be hard back if you help her. Also is there no toys of his she can play with? Bath rubber duck/ wooden cooking spoon/ fill plastic bottle with rice and seal as a shaker. You would be better off waiting until she is a year or so and buy a toy them that will last longer and she will place with more

MiniEggsJumpedInMyBasket Wed 27-Mar-13 16:42:14

Couldn't you buy bundles from UK Ebay? Lots of sellers will ship to European countries and even with the postage it may well work out cheaper than buying things where you live. It doesn't cost much more these days to send a parcel to a European country than it does to send it within the UK

ArtVandelay Wed 27-Mar-13 16:39:05

Oh and don't get me started on children's shoes... Everything is 60 euros + unless you buy plimsolls. My mum buys up Clarkes sale an d sends it over for my DS, thank goodness.

ArtVandelay Wed 27-Mar-13 16:35:31

Marie, is there no lidl, aldi, netto in Switzerland?

I'm in Germany and I find some things very expensive compared to the UK. Have you tried Amazon? I've had bargains on there with pet stuff and gym mats (sorry, bit eclectic) its usually way cheaper than shops.

H&M online is great - they often do freepost and other special offers. There's always discounted clothes in the sale.

Second hand clothes are really expensive here - people expect top dollar for nasty old crap and there are no charity shops!

zzzzz Wed 27-Mar-13 15:07:24

Mayonnaise, makes a great conditioner as does egg yolk.

I am now consumed with curiosity as to where this land of uber expensive nylons and toothbrushes is!

thezebrawearspurple Wed 27-Mar-13 14:55:45

Glad to hear your going to keep your money for your children and not waste it on your selfish inlaws. Since they refuse to see how 'poor' you are at the moment and insisted on coming despite being told it's a bad time, let them turn up and see the haven't yet been paid reality, maybe it'll embarrass them out of being such freeloading tightwadsgrin At the very least they would be forced to pay their own way.

I'd lie to your husband too, if only to prevent him from trying to nag you into emptying your back account for these greedy feckers.

Keep the money safely in your account until they are gone. You never know, they may even find a heart and buy your ds some shoes.

From now on I would suggest you don't waste a penny on these people, no matter how much more comfortable you are on their next visit, refuse to spend money on them. They can't even help out with their grandkids when you're broke ffs, there is no give with these people. Let them fund their own way from now on.

I don't think the Op's inlaws can be totally blamed for not appreciating the position. As I recall the OP has spent a lot of money in the past on IVF and a nanny so it's perhaps understandable that they do not appreciate the current destitute position.

Viviennemary Wed 27-Mar-13 14:01:37

I don't think this would be wrong under the circumstances. You must put your children before entertaining your entitled in-laws. In fact you'd be better putting them off coming altogether. Make up a sickness bug or something. I didn't used to approve of telling lies but with some folk there is no alternative.

Davsmum Wed 27-Mar-13 13:57:47

Its none of their business whether you have been paid or not.
You don't have to justify not having enough money to spend when they are with you.

You should just say you hope they will be happy staying in because you cannot afford anything else at the moment

BonzoDooDah Wed 27-Mar-13 13:51:42

Marie
good on you saying you're not spending it. Keep it safe. If you are that skint then the In-Laws NEED to know that.
you need to sit them down and explain to them just how little you have. Say it in a nonconfrontational way. You don't sound like a martyr to me - you sounds like you're completely stuck and are doing well.
Are the in-laws the kind of people who are deliberately mean? I'd hope not and if so they probably don't really understand just how skint you are when you say that. All of us have said " oh I'm broke" but not so many are as truely broke as you are. (hopefully)
If you explain it all and say that you haven't been paid (and they wouldn't know) then hopefully they will be able to help you out.
After-all if they can afford a plane ticket to come and visit you then they DO have disposable income unlike you.
Good luck and here's looking forwards to when your money worries are a few less.

RenterNomad Wed 27-Mar-13 13:40:42

Yes, we forget that the UK is really quite competitive about pricing some things (so we're very pissed off when we get ripped off!). Good idea about the care package, MiniEggs!

Glad you're planning to blow safely invest your money on line! wink More seriously, think of it as paying back an overdraft: you are seriously overdrawn on current clothing, food and toiletries, and the levels of interest (holes, outgrown items, bare shelves, safety measures for the little one) are crippling your family. Caling it "investing" isn't actually a joke!

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