to pretend I didn't get paid?

(201 Posts)
MariefromStMoritz Wed 27-Mar-13 02:27:08

I feel so naughty writing that, but please hear me out...

Me and DH are really broke right now. I have just returned from Mat Leave and get my first salary in the next few days, probably Friday. DH gets paid on Monday. To give you an indication of how broke we are, I get a free lunch at work, which I have been bringing home to feed us all. I therefore have nothing to eat all day because of it. My last pair of tights got a hole in them yesterday, but I have to wear them today because I have no others. Not only that, but DS desperately needs new shoes, his socks are too small, the baby has hardly any toys or books. Basically, I need to spend some money on us.

So the in-laws are coming to stay for a long weekend. They are quite well-off, but hardly ever put their hands in their pockets. They are notoriously mean. Consequently, we pay for everything. It is partly our fault, because we always feel obliged to take them out, etc. But then you don't want to sit on the sofa for 4 days. It invariably ends up costing us a fortune when they stay here which is why I am thinking...

If I get paid on Friday, pretending that I didn't. Is that really bad? I just don't want to have to spend all my money on food, petrol, etc. then have nothing left for us. This will mean that they will have to pay for anything we do, which I feel bad about. But we did tell them it was a bad time to come as I had just gone back to work, so not much money (amongst other things), but they wanted to come anyway.

AIBU?

Inertia Wed 27-Mar-13 08:25:36

Or ask inlaws if you van borrow money to buy food as soon as they arrive - if they are at the airport tonight they could use the cashpoint. Be honest, tell them you have no food and no money and they'll be sharing a sandwich five ways. They have been asked to postpone but they ate coming anyway.

WipsGlitter Wed 27-Mar-13 08:28:33

Why not make the 'entertainment' on the Saturday a trip to get the new socks/shoes whatever?

Can you not / do you not have a budget for what your pay needs to go on this month. Work out all your essentials including the socks and tights, and then see is there enough leftover for a take away or whatever?

Then you and your DP need to sit down and do a family budget.

Crawling Wed 27-Mar-13 08:37:45

I think you need to talk to your dp explain and dont spend money on them this time.

ajandjjmum Wed 27-Mar-13 08:44:15

What would you and your family eat if the PIL were not coming around?

MariefromStMoritz Wed 27-Mar-13 08:50:25

No, the girls here think our salary will go in late Thursday, but I need to pick up my new bank cards, etc. before I can access my account.

Just tell your DH that you thought the money was going to be hitting your new back account before the Easter break but you have been told in work that it will be sometime after Easter due to some issue they have experienced on the electronic funds transfer system. Then go to the bank, pick up your card, buy some mince & pasta sauce & spaghetti (using clubcard vouchers you happened to come across or nectar points) and you have one meal done.

If your DH is getting paid himself on Monday then you just have the long weekend to get through, right? Then can't he pay for some of the other stuff that you're mentioning?

MariefromStMoritz Wed 27-Mar-13 08:58:23

I just feel as soon as I open my purse, it will all be gone sad

MariefromStMoritz Wed 27-Mar-13 08:59:41

Update: we've been paid.

LIZS Wed 27-Mar-13 09:02:42

Ask inlaws to bring a oven ready meal with them - casserole or similar - in case your salary doesn't clear in time - then it mysteriously won't until Tuesday. If DH agreed to this he should have found a way of funding it before now.

tangerinefeathers Wed 27-Mar-13 09:03:43

Just forget to pick up your bankcards/forget to check if you get paid.

If you don't have the money you can't spend it, and they will have to cough up. As for your DP, well you're doing him a favour by keeping quiet as he probably feels obliged to pay for his parents. You're not lying, exactly, just neglecting to check your bank balance grin

If you can't access your money you'll be forced to find other things to do or perhaps they'll buy you a meal for a change - sounds like you're due one.

I do sympathise, I have tight parents and a tight MIL (all pretty well off, though, particularly my parents) and it's a frustrating situation when you know they could really help you out financially and barely notice the impact themselves.

I do think you have to make a decision that the money is staying in the account this weekend, otherwise you'll be bitter about it, and just think of how much more satisfying it will be to buy toys, shoes etc rather than a dinner for tightwads!

MariefromStMoritz Wed 27-Mar-13 09:05:08

It's not DH's fault, we didn't know how broke we would be.

We will be fine, btw, it's just a transition period whilst I go back to work.

ajandjjmum Wed 27-Mar-13 09:05:38

You've got some really good suggestions here for meals - you need to change your mindset as others have said. The thought of a take away should never even cross your mind in the current situation - there are probably two/three days of basic but nutritional meals that you could prepare for the cost of one takeaway.

And as you say, it's only for a short time until you get back on an even keel.

Just get the stuff you need from your 'nectar points' or whatever - beans/potatoes/mince/pasta/bread/salad - it'll tide you over for a couple of days.

ajandjjmum Wed 27-Mar-13 09:07:19

Actually - judging from my recent experiences, if you bank with Barclays the card etc. probably won't be ready anyway! grin

MariefromStMoritz Wed 27-Mar-13 09:07:32

tangerinefeathers, everything you have said is absolutely spot on. Especially this bit:

I do think you have to make a decision that the money is staying in the account this weekend, otherwise you'll be bitter about it, and just think of how much more satisfying it will be to buy toys, shoes etc rather than a dinner for tightwads!

Planetofthedrapes Wed 27-Mar-13 09:14:07

Go for economy mode on the catering! Pasta, baked potato, fired rice, veg soup, noodles stir-fry etc etc - and tap water to drink.

If your DH insists in taking them out - why not go passive aggressive in making a big deal about printing out some 2-1vouchers. Wear the tights with holes, make comments about not affording new socks for the DC's - eg " I wish I could go on a holiday like you but I'm saving up for some new shoes for the DC's" etc.

MandragoraWurzelstock Wed 27-Mar-13 09:14:10

I am sorry you're in the position where you feel you have to lie to your husband to provide for your children. That doesn't sound good to me.

I hope you manage to sort this out.

MariefromStMoritz Wed 27-Mar-13 09:16:29

That's a bit melodramatic, MandragoraWurzelstock grin

MandragoraWurzelstock Wed 27-Mar-13 09:17:51

Oh I didn't mean to be, not at all, just wasn't sure if I had got the gist - yanbu to lie to the ILs but having to lie to him? sounds really unfair.

I don't think you should be in this position x

ENormaSnob Wed 27-Mar-13 09:19:03

Sorry Marie but this is ridiculous.

You take food from work so you can all eat, you wear holey tights and your dc are in need yet your dh thinks funding this weekend for his parents is okay?

There's no way my wages would be covering this, especially as the situation was explained and they declined to cancel.

Flisspaps Wed 27-Mar-13 09:19:14

What planet said grin

LIZS Wed 27-Mar-13 09:20:12

"It's not DH's fault, we didn't know how broke we would be. " Things must have been tight for a while though. As for entertaining , walks and local playground are free. Find out what activities are going on over the bh weekend locally. Forget about entertaining the il's , short free outings for dc are order of the day.

tangerinefeathers Wed 27-Mar-13 09:20:23

Glad I made sense! I am used to dealing with tightwads, you see grin

daddyorchipsdaddyorchips Wed 27-Mar-13 09:22:57

It doesn't sound that melodramatic to me tbh. You've been bringing home free lunches to feed your family, DS needs new shows and new socks, you don't have a penny to your name and you're asking whether you should lie to your DH so that he does t expect you to pick up the bill for his selfish parents. It sounds about right to me.

He, not you, needs to come clean about just how serious the situation is and let them treat you for a change.

MariefromStMoritz Wed 27-Mar-13 09:23:46

ENormaSnob, indeed this situation is ridiculous grin.

We are broke, but will be OK once I get paid. The thing is, I want to spend all my money from my first paycheck on the kids, no-one else.

I would lie to the inlaws. Lie, lie, lie. They don't get it, they're not going to get it. They can stay in and do colouring, walk in the park etc and eat pasta and cheese with the rest of you unless they want to fund something more interesting.

I'm not sure I could lie to your husband though. I think you have to be very clear about the fact that giving in to 'entertaining' the ILs will mean your children suffer and you will not allow it, and that if HE even considers allowing it, he needs his head checked.

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