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to pretend I didn't get paid?

(201 Posts)
MariefromStMoritz Wed 27-Mar-13 02:27:08

I feel so naughty writing that, but please hear me out...

Me and DH are really broke right now. I have just returned from Mat Leave and get my first salary in the next few days, probably Friday. DH gets paid on Monday. To give you an indication of how broke we are, I get a free lunch at work, which I have been bringing home to feed us all. I therefore have nothing to eat all day because of it. My last pair of tights got a hole in them yesterday, but I have to wear them today because I have no others. Not only that, but DS desperately needs new shoes, his socks are too small, the baby has hardly any toys or books. Basically, I need to spend some money on us.

So the in-laws are coming to stay for a long weekend. They are quite well-off, but hardly ever put their hands in their pockets. They are notoriously mean. Consequently, we pay for everything. It is partly our fault, because we always feel obliged to take them out, etc. But then you don't want to sit on the sofa for 4 days. It invariably ends up costing us a fortune when they stay here which is why I am thinking...

If I get paid on Friday, pretending that I didn't. Is that really bad? I just don't want to have to spend all my money on food, petrol, etc. then have nothing left for us. This will mean that they will have to pay for anything we do, which I feel bad about. But we did tell them it was a bad time to come as I had just gone back to work, so not much money (amongst other things), but they wanted to come anyway.

AIBU?

vivizone Wed 27-Mar-13 02:33:57

Look after your children first. In fact, lose your bank card come Friday.

I hate visitors like them. Just tell them it's not a good time to visit. No explanation.

Hope your situation improves. Have you checked Ebay for shoes etc?

Dryjuice25 Wed 27-Mar-13 02:38:35

If they are reasonable people surely they will pay their way as they have been made aware of the financial situation.I definitely wouldn't spent any money on them apart from basics.

If they are well off,then they should be expected to pay for their takeaways/dinners. Also offer meals like spag bol e.t.c that will cost you next to nothing to cook but if they want to eat out then they should pay.I definitely wouldn't pretend to have money when your kids need stuff let alone yourself.

I tend to get toys/books off charity shops. You can get some really good toys for your child from these shops

YANBU, do it and don't feel guilty! I am a generous host too, but decreasingly generous to mean guests.

lucidlady Wed 27-Mar-13 02:52:42

YANBU. Your kids need to come first.

MrRected Wed 27-Mar-13 02:55:59

Don't lie.

Ring them up and tell them that you are broke and unable to entertain them due to financial constraints. That they will either have to cancel the visit or pay their own way i.e. you need them to bring or pay for their own food and cough up for petrol/outing costs.

This is nothing to be ashamed of. You are clearly doing your absolute best to provide for your children. You've probably done a great job in the past covering up your financial worries, so they are blissfully unaware.

Good luck - I hope that things get easier for you soon.

woopsidaisy Wed 27-Mar-13 02:56:10

How old is your DS?
YANBU.

TheRealFellatio Wed 27-Mar-13 02:59:36

You need to tell them the truth - that you are broke due to revent loss of earnings and you cannot afford to take them out for lunch, and you will have to ask for a contribution to their food while they are there. You shouldn't have to lie - the truth is enough.

tvmum1976 Wed 27-Mar-13 03:00:41

YANBU

MariefromStMoritz Wed 27-Mar-13 03:07:09

They just don't get how broke we are. We were in this situation just after DS was born when they came and stayed with us. They told us they were really broke, too. But then they spent loads of money on things for themselves and we footed the bill for the food, etc.

They just don't get it.

And yes, I hate lying. I was thinking of a way of bending the truth, like not even checking if I've been paid, then saying "well, it doesn't look like I've been paid". Because I haven't actually, erm, looked...

ItsallisnowaFeegle Wed 27-Mar-13 03:07:29

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MariefromStMoritz Wed 27-Mar-13 03:10:20

ItsallisnowaFeegle, it's because I haven't worked for so long. I was very ill in my pregnancy so had to give up my job quite early on. Basically, I haven't worked for a year. And now we have had to fork out for childcare even though I haven't received a salary yet.

And please re-read my post... I said 'DS' not 'DH'.

woopsidaisy Wed 27-Mar-13 03:11:16

It is her DSs feet that are growing in the OP! smile
What age is DS Marie?

ItsallisnowaFeegle Wed 27-Mar-13 03:11:21

apologies on the sock situation. I misread.

woopsidaisy Wed 27-Mar-13 03:15:55

Also, OP said that her ils spend a fortune on themselves, and she has to spend a fortune on food for them-money she can't afford to spend on so much food. Is that right ,OP?
I don't think that is not making logical sense!

ItsallisnowaFeegle Wed 27-Mar-13 03:16:50

Apologies OP. I've asked for the unnecessary post to be removed.

I stick by a lot of what you say not making logical sense but there was no need for me to be rude.

woopsidaisy Wed 27-Mar-13 03:21:11

It wasn't that rude Itsalll.
It is nice of you to apologise to OP , hope you don't mind me saying that.
It is the wee hours, I wish I was asleep. sad

ItsallisnowaFeegle Wed 27-Mar-13 03:24:33

It was pretty rude. hmm No need for that.

MidniteScribbler Wed 27-Mar-13 03:54:55

Practice this "sorry, we can't afford it." Repeat, repeat, repeat. No excuses, no arguments, just "sorry, we can't afford it." "Dinner will have to be beans on toast tonight, we can't afford steak." "No we can't go to the zoo, we can't afford it. Feel free to go by yourselves." "No we can't order takeaway, we can't afford it." They can then either offer to cover the costs themselves, or they starve.

If it means sitting on the couch for four days, then so be it. The only way to get through to people like this is to just keep repeating it, and flat out refuse to pay for anything for them.

MariefromStMoritz Wed 27-Mar-13 04:32:02

The thing is, I am not really protecting my money from them, I am protecting it from myself. I know that if I have money, I will have to buy nice dinners, etc. I couldn't not. I will feel obliged. Also, I will have to buy petrol all weekend which isn't cheap. Like this evening, DH wants to pick them up from the airport but I am worried I won't have enough fuel to get to work tomorrow. I think they should get a taxi.

LadyFlumpalot Wed 27-Mar-13 04:36:03

No, YANBU at all. We are in the same situation as you, have had to cut our weekly shop budget to £15 so we can get the car MOT'd this month and I'm I'm the midst of doing income and expenditure forms for outstanding debt (we don't even have that much, or anything particularly nice, our most expensive belonging is our £1000 car that my dad paid for 3 years ago!) Same as you - it's childcare costs that are killing us.

All my family are aware of this, I haven't bought anyone Xmas presents or birthday presents for three years and have been completely straight with them as to why.

If my inlaws come to visit then they always bring bags of their own food (and food for us). If I go to visit my dad he will always insist on filling the petrol tank on the car when I get there.

I would phone them and explain that you would love to see them, but unless they bring there own food and foot out for any trips, you can't afford them to come stay.

MariefromStMoritz Wed 27-Mar-13 04:40:16

If my inlaws come to visit then they always bring bags of their own food (and food for us). If I go to visit my dad he will always insist on filling the petrol tank on the car when I get there.

That's really considerate of them.

Longdistance Wed 27-Mar-13 04:42:09

Yanbu. Lie, lie, lie.

I have my fil over at the minute, although it is nice, we've tightened our belts as we're going on holiday next month, cos we're fed up of everyone coming here to Oz, ponsing off us for a holiday/ food/ nights out/ trips and whatever other bollocks they want.

I'm running out of milk, bread and patience with these 'visitors'.

Go on op, spend the money on yourselves, and tell inlaws to bring food and wine, or don't bother coming!!!!

LadyFlumpalot Wed 27-Mar-13 04:46:02

Marie - I'm not shy about telling people how badly off we are. Not in a woe is me way, but in a factual way. It's actually really liberating, just phone them, tell them the stark honest truth, and you will probably be surprised by their reaction.

MariefromStMoritz Wed 27-Mar-13 04:56:46

They just don't get it, though. They are always saying how broke they are whilst spending £££ on holdiays and stuff. They don't get 'our' kind of broke.

We will be fine in a month or so, but I don't want to put things back by spending all my salary over the weekend. I want to wait until next weekend (after they've gone) and take the kids shopping.

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