To give them NOTHING for their wedding?

(263 Posts)
ariane5 Tue 26-Mar-13 20:27:59

SIL has owed us money for years-repeated attempts have been made to get her to repay but she rarely does, MIL is same AND BIL.

It is an ongoing issue and I've posted before about it.

SIL is getting married soon (huge lavish event £££) and sent us an invite-within which was a request for no present just cash in a card....

She still owes me £310 so I said to dh I am not giving them a penny.

Its bad enough I have to go to the wedding as can't stand any of dh family BUT dcs like their aunty and I can understand dh wants to see his little sister get married although I draw the line at giving the greedy sods any money. DH says he would but I have said over my dead body.

AIBU?

janey68 Tue 26-Mar-13 20:28:50

YANBU. I wouldn't even go personally

MortifiedAdams Tue 26-Mar-13 20:28:56

Its brazen but makes.total sense and I would want to do this too, in your sitch.

Casmama Tue 26-Mar-13 20:29:37

YANBU - put in a note saying "lets call that £310 your wedding present. Best wishes. . . ."

BOEUF Tue 26-Mar-13 20:30:27

Kill him.

Judyandherdreamofhorses Tue 26-Mar-13 20:30:44

I'd give them nothing, following such a demand, regardless of whether they owed me money or not!

Please do tell us the exact wording of the invite!

HollyBerryBush Tue 26-Mar-13 20:30:47

Tell DH you will sort the present and simply put in the card a cheque for £310, ripped up with a gift tag saying 'all debts wiped'

Clean fresh start for all wink

ImTooHecsyForYourParty Tue 26-Mar-13 20:30:52

I'd be tempted to write in the card "you can keep the £310 you owe me in lieu of a gift" (since realistically you aren't going to get it back anyway!)

But I'm a cow grin

I hope you sort out the inlaw thing soon. I remember your posts.

Has your husband at least started to stand with you? I seem to recall he's been somewhat lacking a backbone?

MsVestibule Tue 26-Mar-13 20:31:05

No, YANBU. It's highly unlikely they'll say anything, but if they do, respond along the lines of "OK, take £50 off what you owe us." Do you/DH continue to lend them money, or are these historical debts?

BadabingBadabong Tue 26-Mar-13 20:31:19

How much would you give them if they didn't owe you anything?
I would write a note saying I would like to give you £50 as a present, you now owe me £260.

Maggie111 Tue 26-Mar-13 20:31:33

Urgh - I understand why you want to give nothing. Personally I'd give them a small sentimental but inexpensive present and wish I hadn't

Tiredmumno1 Tue 26-Mar-13 20:31:53

I'd tell them they could keep the tenner as a present but the £300 debt still stands

Ragwort Tue 26-Mar-13 20:31:58

Absolutely not, do not give them anything.

What does your DH say?

MadamGazelleIsMyMum Tue 26-Mar-13 20:32:25

Definitely no present. Whether you refer to the debt depends on how much you want to risk antagonising SIL.

HildaOgden Tue 26-Mar-13 20:33:19

Have you any chance of getting that 310 quid back?If not,I'd do what Casmama suggests.

I wouldn't give them a penny otherwise.Give them an open card,if they ask where the cash is (cheeky feckers would,too) act horrified and say it must have fallen out.All 310 quid of it.

Do not give them a penny. They have had enough of your money before the wedding to class as a gift.

How rude to put one in your invite!

ariane5 Tue 26-Mar-13 20:33:50

I don't want to go but SIL asked dcs to be bridesmaid (dd1) flower girl (dd2) and pageboys (ds1+2) which they were thrilled about (she didn't ask me first before saying to them) and they are all excited.

I don't want to stop dcs seeing family or dh seeing them but they really really annoy me. I don't want to tell dcs how we go without a lot because aunty/nanny etc owe us so much money. Its tempting though sometimes...

£310 is a large gift though. If you really don't like them don't go to the wedding, that'll save them and you some money.

DontmindifIdo Tue 26-Mar-13 20:35:51

I agree, why not sell it to your DH as "Fresh start" for your relationship with SIL, say you know it's caused stress that this is hanging over the relationship between you, so you think as realistically she'll never pay it back, do as above, put a note in the card saying "our gift to you is to wipe the £310 debt you have with us".

Nagoo Tue 26-Mar-13 20:36:31

Is there a free bar? You could try and drink yourself into profit wink

Bobyan Tue 26-Mar-13 20:37:26

Give her £310 in monopoly money, the cheeky cow.

ariane5 Tue 26-Mar-13 20:37:33

Historical debts-Dh used to lend them loads but now he doesn't even have his own bank card I'm a control freak now about money-had to be to stop him continuously lending to them.

I don't have invite to hand but it was a little insert a poem about not having to shop for a gift but to pop some money into a card and put it in a little wishing well they would have at the venue.....

Iseeall Tue 26-Mar-13 20:39:04

Give them nothing but your best wishes. Enclose a note in a card saying you consider their debt now paid off.

NEVER lend to these people again.

Who is paying for the bridesmaid/ flower girl etc outfits?

NaturalBaby Tue 26-Mar-13 20:41:11

I would write a gift card style letter "You owe us £310 - £_ = £___".
If there is cash in envelopes in the "wishing well" you could even repay your debt out of that wink (step too far??)

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