Children not giving up seats for guests at home

(76 Posts)
Jefferson Mon 25-Mar-13 17:43:05

I wasn't really sure how to word the title. It doesn't sound right but I'll try to explain! This is a very very trivial Aibu by the way.

Went to visit some family friends of my inlaws yesterday. There was me DH, Mil, Fil, Sil and Bil. At the house was their friend, her daughter and her grandson (not this duaghter's son).

When we got there, we sat down but there was a lack of seating with 7 adults so the aunt of the boy asked him to move off the armchair he was in and to sit on the floor or at the dining table so Bil could sit down. The boy (7 yr old) refused and said 'I was say here first so the seat is mine'. Aunt sighed and then dragged a dining chair from across the room for Bil to sit down.

Was this rude of the child or not? I thought it was but then I have no clue as to how children are meant to behave. My DS is only 18 months and tbh if he refused to let a guest sit down as a 7 yr old I would be a bit embarrassed but short of dragging him off armchair there was very little aunt could do

Don't know if it makes any difference but we are all Indian and culturally (sweeping statement) Indians are very OTT when it comes to hospitality. The guest is king and all that!

AIBU to think it was rude of the child not to give up his seat? Just interested in the right etiquette really

livinginwonderland Mon 25-Mar-13 21:28:30

I still do this and I'm 24! I went on holiday with my parents and family friends in September (all 40's plus in age) and if I was on the sofa or something, I still gave up my seat for the beanbag/floor/uncomfortable chair for someone older. It's just basic manners, like at my house if there aren't enough chairs, I'll get up for a guest.

Jefferson Mon 25-Mar-13 21:18:33

I have to admit I'm surprised by the responses (in a good way!) I think I was expecting to get flamed for being so entitled and being told that children don't have to automatically give respect to adults. It seems I'm not the only one surprised by the comments.

I still don't think I could be so forward with my nephews/nieces (hypothetical as I don't have any) as to physically pull them off the chair even though I am very close to my siblings

BandersnatchCummerbund Mon 25-Mar-13 21:00:27

Very rude of the child. But I have to say that I would not feel comfortable telling off my nephews and nieces either - I feel somehow that it would be indirectly rude to their parents if I did. But it would probably be different if I were more involved in their lives.

WestieMamma Mon 25-Mar-13 21:00:26

When I visit my inlaws the seating ruckus is always over the footstool near FIL's seat. The resident ginger tom refuses to move (got no manners that cat), the visiting male terrier always objects to this and mayhem ensues. The female terrier is a canny lass and waits until the aggro starts (usually involves lots of chasing) then claims it while the others aren't looking. She a stubborn pudding and once she's installed, there's no moving her. grin

Domjolly Mon 25-Mar-13 20:48:45

In my family the children will be expected to sit on the floor if there are not enough seats for teh adults

Very rude

LineRunnyEgg Mon 25-Mar-13 20:37:18

It's what the boy said that sounds a bit rude, not simply the fact of a child having a chair.

firesidechat Mon 25-Mar-13 20:34:10

Yep, very rude.

Would be thoroughly ashamed if mine had ever pulled that stunt.

Also agree that the parent/parents should be teaching him some manners, so maybe not all his fault.

BrandiBroke Mon 25-Mar-13 20:34:04

By the time I was 7 I knew automatically to sit on the floor when there was a get together with family. The adults got first priority over chairs, then visiting children, then me. For years I would automatically sit on the floor in any living room if I knew more people were expected. It's only in the last couple of years that I've started sitting on chairs at get togethers (I'm 31).

My nephews and nieces are normally quite good but if there is a room full they do sometimes have to be asked to move. I got up to get something at my SIL's house and my 5 year old nephew pinched my chair. I just picked him up and moved him off (in a fun jokey kind of way).

SirChenjin Mon 25-Mar-13 20:31:55

Very rude imo. In our family children are expected to give up their seats for adult guests and sit on the floor.

Yfronts Mon 25-Mar-13 20:27:58

Very rude. I would have sent him to his room or a step.

Hulababy Mon 25-Mar-13 20:27:34

I would expect DD to move and let the guest sit down on the more comfortable sit.

Mind you, we have one of those really big bean bags, so DD and any visiting children normally fight to be able to squash onto that. Many adults are happy to sit on that too.

LineRunnyEgg Mon 25-Mar-13 20:27:30

I still stand up when guests enter a room. At home, at work.

chris481 Mon 25-Mar-13 20:10:01

When I was growing up we used to see my mother's parents once a year. I only once saw my grandmother angry, she tore a huge strip off my parents for not teaching us manners. We had failed to stand up when her visiting friends entered the room. (There were more than enough chairs, that wasn't the issue.)

furbaby Mon 25-Mar-13 20:01:22

Lol at "come on our eve pull up a floor " smile

furbaby Mon 25-Mar-13 19:58:47

How rude of his mother not to remove him from the chair sad
A lot of children seem to think I can do and say what I want and no one will stop me , and the parents don, t help with the attitude of don, t upset my little Betsy or Billy . Parents are making a rod for there own back when children grow up and no respect for anyone .
When we were at school if another adult entered the room then we all stood up , until we were told to sit .... never did us any harm , never questioned this is was just a sign of respect to an adult .

MrsSpagBol Mon 25-Mar-13 19:52:54

If this child had been from where I am from in Africa, I think he would actually have been shot down in a blaze of flames ....he would not even know what had hit him. And it would have been nothing to do with parents - every adult in the room would have told him off something serious. grin

To answer the post, kid was being rude and needs to learn some manners. Makes no difference if there were other chairs imho - guests first, failing that adults first, and if not those 2 then because parent said so. End of.

LtEveDallas Mon 25-Mar-13 19:52:11

Rude. I'm 40 and the youngest 'child' of the family - and still get told to sit on the floor by my parents (or rather "Come on our Eve, pull up a floor")

ProphetOfDoom Mon 25-Mar-13 19:46:59

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LineRunnyEgg Mon 25-Mar-13 19:41:46

It was rude but up to his family to make it happen.

TheFallenMadonna Mon 25-Mar-13 19:38:39

I think the guest thing is the reason for the altered perspective. When it is a bus, or a pharmacy waiting area IIRC, different responses...

EggyFucker Mon 25-Mar-13 19:35:39

Really, TSC, I bet I never flamed you for that

sjupes Mon 25-Mar-13 19:33:07

I've always treated my nephew as my own even when my sisters been in i.e naughty? Go sit at the end of the hall, hungry? Ask, thirsty? Ask, beds are not for jumping off of and i don't appreciate being ignored, interrupted or backchat.

He has always behaved better for me grin

TheSecondComing Mon 25-Mar-13 19:31:15

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

greenandcabbagelooking Mon 25-Mar-13 19:22:32

I'm the youngest in a group of extended family. Whenever we are together and we are short of chairs, I am the first relegated to the floor. As it should be.

Viviennemary Mon 25-Mar-13 19:17:24

The child was rude. In our society his behaviour would be considered rude. People can argue all they want about rules not being fair and he was there first and so on. Brats like this are so hard to be around.

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