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To think that my DH is a selfish fucking shit head?

(83 Posts)
WiltedSpinach Mon 25-Mar-13 14:56:28

I withdrew an application for a less stressful job today as on Friday DH said he would be a SAHD so I could carry on doing the job that I have. (He's currently unemployed.) I was going for the other job as I have MH issues and I couldn't cope with doing the running around after the children AND my current role, but I've been managing really well since he has been at home as I can do my job so long as I'm not doing the rest.

As this was all decided, I withdrew my application this morning, happy that I can carry on doing my job with his support.

He's just called me to tell me he's accepted a job and will start on Tuesday and its an early start in the opposite direction to where we live and where the kids go to school and nursery, so I'll have to go back to running around after the children and getting them out in the morning and home and fed in the evening. Its not even a great job, its fucking warehouse work earning only just over fucking minimum wage and he didn't even ask me first, he said yes and then called me with a fait accomplis.

I am angry and really upset in equal measure. If he had said he was going to take a job as soon as it was offered, there is no way I would have withdrawn my application, but he PROMISED. He fucking well PROMISED me he would stay at home and support me.

I don't actually give a shit if you think I'm being U for calling him a selfish fucking shit head, because he fucking well is.

Oh, and all the hmm faces OP... That's great in your situation but in a lot of situations where a partner does something in full knowledge that the other partner's MH will be affected and does it with timing to remove options from that partner, yes, it would be abusive.

Maybe not in your case but the hmm faces are a bit rich, frankly. Just trying to help you and all that.

Bogeyface Netherlands Mon 25-Mar-13 18:59:21

BIt late but, I would not have assumed that things were going back the way they were but asked "how are you going to do the school runs with this job as you said you would?"

Just make sure that he keeps his side of the bargain and that it doesnt slide back into you doing everything after a few mornings of "I am running late, could you take the kids today......."

LineRunnyEgg Mon 25-Mar-13 19:03:21

OP
and [he] has spoken to childcare about having kids earlier / later so I don't have to do all of the running around, even though it means doing a big round trip

But that's exactly what you said was fucking you off in your original post.

WiltedSpinach Mon 25-Mar-13 19:57:27

Och, one wee humphy face MrsTP and it was at some of the more outrageous comments that were made. I know everyone posted with the best intentions though.

LineRunny - when I was posting I assumed he was going to leave me to do all of the picking up and dropping off while he rode to work and back. What he's arranged is that on some days he'll do the massive round trip to take the kids to childcare earlier and pick them up later so I'm not doing it every day.

It's still going to be hard and it may not work out, but we'll give it a go. I still wish I'd not withdrawn my application and I'm still a bit hacked off about that, but trying to work out some kind of compromise for the situation we're now in is better than staying pissed off.

I had a giant grade A killer rant. It turns out he wasn't as much of a twat that I thought he was. I'm usually excessively reasonable. Today, not so much.

RubySparks Brazil Mon 25-Mar-13 20:04:06

Hi wilted - I was following your other thread (namechanged since then) about trying to decide whether to go for the less stressful job! Sorry it looks like that didn't work out this time- might there be other chances to move post? Or is part-time any more possible now? I'm still trying to decide what to do, got some time off over Easter so I'm going to think through my options... MyDH will find out soon if he finishes at end May or if there may be another year's funding so that may influence me. I also have a course that I could possibly return to in September... But that would mean not working or taking leave of absence. I just heard about a big re-org at work today too, no idea what that means for me yet, rumour is management layers being reduced by redeploying them elsewhere! So I think things may have changed here in a month or two but might not be in a good way! Hope your job situation gets better for you.

I'll forgive you but only because I'm stealing your humphy face expression. I make enough of them, they should have a name. Glad DH is being less of a wanker. Keep him to the agreement.

Apileofballyhoo Tue 26-Mar-13 00:51:54

Seems like the DCs will end up in a lot more childcare, how does this compare to the minimum wage DH will be earning? Just seems impractical to me when it's likely OP and DCs would have easier life if DH stayed at home.

pigletpower Tue 26-Mar-13 22:35:44

So how do you 'remember the conversation'? Are you sure you're not being gaslighted? If you feel ok about this then fine.Rang bells for me though.

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