to wonder where you are going to put the children?

(85 Posts)
Unacceptable Sun 24-Mar-13 14:03:53

I read on here (and hear in RL) so often the delightful phrase

"don't have children if you can't afford them" or some similar line, always when putting down families who claim benefits.

Parents who at one time could afford to have DC but then through a change in circumstance: be it a DH deciding he'd actually rather bugger off and live the life of Riley without contributing towards his DC (my situation) or a DH being diagnosed with a terminal illness (close friend) can no longer support DC without some assistance shouldn't have those DC as they can't afford them?

Can anyone on here who has ever trotted out that line please tell me what they would like these Parents to do with their children?

garlicbrunch Mon 25-Mar-13 16:57:10

YY, Sock. When will everybody realise we're being governed by a bunch of blatant liars?

ModernToss Mon 25-Mar-13 17:01:04

I have seen "well why did you have children/get pregnant then" many, many times on here when people's circumstances have changed and it infuriates me.

Me too, and me too.

IneedAsockamnesty Mon 25-Mar-13 17:02:41

Its not much different to the well why did you have a child with him or marry him.

Often said just after someone has said he used to be decent but turned into a cock.

MooMooSkit Mon 25-Mar-13 17:08:03

I agree, I've had it to. When I had my child I was a married, student nurse (seconded so salaried) and had a great maternity package and my husband worked full time. My crystal ball failed me when my husband decided to become a useless, lazy abusing arse hole and the marriage broke down and I had to leave said nursing course as I just didn't have the support.

Luckily I met another man and am again working and supporting for my child but some people have terrible attitudes I agree.

LineRunnyEgg Mon 25-Mar-13 17:09:23

It would, politically speaking, be terribly easy to find men who need to support their own children, as actually most of these men are earning, and accessible via HMRC databases as are their former partners and children.

And to expect me to contribute 100% of my time and earnings to raising my ExH's and my chidlren, whilst he gives a tiny % of a generous salary and NO TIME, is frankly morally and politically disgraceful and economically unsustainable.

We are asking the wrong questions, of the wrong people; because it's so easy to bash women.

YouTheCat Mon 25-Mar-13 17:13:46

Couldn't agree more, Line.

Unacceptable Mon 25-Mar-13 22:31:26

Glad I looked at this today, after the first dozen or so posts I thought maybe I was a bit paranoid and was taking things to heart but it seems others have heard/read these things said.
I do hear it quite a bit in RL. Maybe it's something I notice more than those who have never been in a situation where they have needed help because it touches a nerve. It's often throw away comments from people who don't 'know' a family's situation they only think they do.

My thread was posted after correcting some numpty who didn't realise I was a close friend of the lady mentioned in OP. They had presumed her DC were conceived and raised in a family reliant on benefits. In fact they never claimed anything and DH worked right up until his diagnoses.

Of course, after being put straight about the actual facts of the situation the gossip mongers decided it was perfectly fine for my friend to now be claiming benefit as a widow until she is in a position to work (once she's over the grieving, they said she was allowed time to grieve hmm)

I almost didn't start the thread but then read a similar kind of post on another thread and thought I'd get the question off my chest rather than have my head explode!!

blackeyedsusan Mon 25-Mar-13 22:49:04

that is the solution to all difficulites line shame a few won't or are not capable of having the children or won't pay. [eyeroll] I have been told to just leave them with their dad and go out and he will remember to feed them... he cna not connect the fact that he is hot/cold with the fact the childen my be hot or cold though... a vest and no blankets is not acceptable wear for a baby in winter. sleeping though screaming 6 inches fom you ea does not show that you ae capable either.

he does pay for them though, so not all bad.

CouthySaysEatChoccyEggs Mon 25-Mar-13 23:23:42

Having a disabled parent makes you part of one of these 'problem families' that the Government harps on about.

Because the disabled parent has chosen to be such a problem, haven't they?!

Yeah, right. I must have forgotten to stand in the 'work ethic' queue, and instead stood in the 'have a disability and be classed as a problem family' queue. That wasn't a good choice I made, was it?!

hmm

LineRunnyEgg Mon 25-Mar-13 23:31:41

Frankly, the whole thing needs a new take on it. Because at the moment women seem to do much more work and men seem to have more earnings, and childen are left bearing the brunt.

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