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To ever so slightly envy SAHMs

(87 Posts)
MrRected Sun 24-Mar-13 12:27:00

My 3 school are all of school age (5,8,11). I have always had to work to keep us afloat. Up until now I have been lucky that I worked 4 days a week (one at home).

I was informed by my boss that as of after Easter I can no longer work part time. That its full time or nothing. I am a contractor so I don't have much choice in the matter.

I so wish we were a bit more financially better off. I would love nothing more than to be able to stay at home with my children and feel envious of those who can. <wistful>

HiggsBoson Mon 25-Mar-13 18:31:51

We made a lot of sacrifices in terms of holidays, second car

...but they aren't sacrifices!! Holidays and cars are luxuries.

I hear you OP. DP earns minimum wage and I would LOVE to wake up and not have to worry about bringing in money to survive.

morethanpotatoprints Mon 25-Mar-13 19:21:48

janey.

I know, I too remember it well, one minimum wage coming in no tax credits and a mortgage at at 15.5%, it was hard wasn't it and certainly wouldn't want to go back there again. We were so skint as were alot of people back then, but yes it does get easier and now the mortgage has gone, we are a lot better off.
All I was saying is it is possible to do if you really want to do it. You don't come much more dire than our early days.
As I said before though, that may not be the right decision for others and everybody is different.

janey68 Mon 25-Mar-13 19:28:56

Well I can assure you that no matter how much I could have felt I didn't want to return to work after having dd, I didnt have a choice. The OP has also made it clear from the outset that she has always had to work for financial reasons.

I was one of the lucky ones- I realised pretty quickly, with dd happily settled in childcare and me back into the swing of work, that it felt good-
dd was happy, I was happy... But frankly even if I hadn't been, there would not have been a choice at that point in our lives. So I don't think it's helpful to tell others that 'if you want to be at home you'll find a
Way if you try hard enough'.. It could be very hurtful to some mothers.

morethanpotatoprints Mon 25-Mar-13 20:00:15

janey

Well I must be lying then as its not possible, and perhaps if you had been in our situation you too would have found it impossible. However, we found a way, it wasn't easy and we had nothing. My whole intention of the first post I made was to say it is possible, as my family are living proof, so that if anybody was really torn they would have hope. If you want to make it into something else that's up to you.

morethanpotatoprints Mon 25-Mar-13 20:01:27

janey

Well I must be lying then as its not possible, and perhaps if you had been in our situation you too would have found it impossible. However, we found a way, it wasn't easy and we had nothing. My whole intention of the first post I made was to say it is possible, as my family are living proof, so that if anybody was really torn they would have hope. If you want to make it into something else that's up to you.

janey68 Mon 25-Mar-13 20:04:38

I didn't say you were lying about it being possible for your family. I
Saying it wasn't possible for mine. And it's not possible for countless
others. Sounds suspiciously like you're claiming to know other families circumstances better than they do themselves...

Like I said, its worked out very well for us- happy children and happy parents. But it could be very hurtful to other families to be told
That if they just try hard enough they can afford to give up work

MrRected Mon 25-Mar-13 20:08:53

Lots of brilliant advice and differing opinions - thank you all :-).

Unfortunately I don't really have any choice at the moment. Our outgoings exceed our incomings and no amount of rationalisation will change that. So remain stuck for the time being.

Ever so slightly envious but mostly grateful that we have food on the table and the mortgage & bills are paid smile.

HappyMummyOfOne Mon 25-Mar-13 20:13:12

Morethan, your household claims state beneifts though so its not really the case to say that you manage making sacrifices as your household income obviously doenst cover everything if you need to claim state assistance.

Its sheer madness to say that everyone can afford to have an adult not work, many dont want to claim benefits and many have a WOHP that earns too much for help but outgoings are higher as the have to pay for everything themselves. Holidays and second cars are luxuries, you hardly gave up essentials.

janey68 Mon 25-Mar-13 20:15:48

MrRected- Good, sounds like you're being pragmatic. And your children are
Fine which is the most important thing. It's always unsettling when work circumstances change but I really think you'll get into the swing. I did 3 days while my children were pre school, and then went to full time when the youngest went into reception class. I did feel a bit miffed that I never got to reap the benefits of being a part time worker with kids in school... But those feelings lasted all of about a week- never looked back after that.

morethanpotatoprints Mon 25-Mar-13 21:43:27

Happymummy

There were no state benefits when we first had our older dc, so yes it was just one minimum wage and yes anybody could do it. We didn't go without basics but second car, depends how you look at it. A severely asthmatic child 25 miles from nearest hospital, living in the stix, nearest doctor 5 miles away ambulance depot also 25 miles away and a bus 3 times a day. No not essential as thank God we had good neighbours.
All I said it was possible and I still say it is. Some people live on very little money and its possible if you want to. I'm not suggesting we should all want to.
I think it so sad when you try and give people hope that your intentions meet with such negativity.

aldiwhore Mon 25-Mar-13 21:54:04

YANBU to be pissed off with a situation you don't choose. I'd say the same if it were a SAHM who envied a full time working mum but for whatever reason couldn't do it.

Not having a real choice sucks. I guess you have 2 immediate choices. 1) Focus on the positives and simply get on with it. 2) Get angry and feel bitter savouring every miserable second. Number 1 is probably the most healthy.

A more long term plan would be perhaps looking for a new job, retraining in something a bit more flexible etc., then you will perhaps have more choice in the future.

I will say though that unless one parent earns a fortune, being a SAHM can be incredibly boring as you're down to one salary, count every penny and although you may have the time, you don't have the funds to do lunch and all those things you perhaps don't have the time for now.

I've done both SAH and working full time (so don't know the abbreviations for that) and they both balance out for me, in terms of misery versus bliss! I work part time at present and purely from an emotional PoV this is best, although it also has it's down sides.

Pitmountainpony Mon 25-Mar-13 22:04:49

I also find the grass of staying at home to mother very pleasant but you have to focus on the positives of what you do. Enjoy the extra income and the fact you ave not stepped put of your career. I am fine with both of those things as most days I love being at home with my kids, but some people get really bored or find it repetitive or just don,t get out and meet people to Create the social opportunities, work can offer.
Your kids are school age so I would have thought that is easier. I will envy mums who stay home after their kids start school as I would love the freedom of not working but unless you are very well off that is pretty hard to do.

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