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To be frustrated and angry that women are still expected to be the "emotion keepers" in families.

(447 Posts)
seeker Sun 24-Mar-13 10:07:29

And if we don't stop doing it, our daughters will still be thinking they are responsible for "keeping men sweet" in 30 years time?

exoticfruits Sun 24-Mar-13 11:09:39

All you can say is that some people live with moody people and they give into it for a quiet life. Nothing to do with gender.

flippinada Sun 24-Mar-13 11:09:42

I think seeker is talking about a general principle, not saying all women do X and all men do Y.

That's not hard to understand, is it?

exoticfruits Sun 24-Mar-13 11:10:05

Or if not moody-people who like their own way.

seeker Sun 24-Mar-13 11:15:02

Thank you, flippinada!

I deliberately didn't post in feminism just to see what would happen. Predictably, within a very few posts, I had several ad hominem comments and a "this is even worse for men, they just don't talk about it, poor loves!"

exoticfruits Sun 24-Mar-13 11:16:16

As an experiment I would post in feminism-it will go down a treat!

countrykitten Sun 24-Mar-13 11:19:11

Er -I haven't read that on here!

PeachActiviaMinge Sun 24-Mar-13 11:23:00

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seeker Sun 24-Mar-13 11:25:04

grin grin

countrykitten Sun 24-Mar-13 11:26:36

hmm

exoticfruits Sun 24-Mar-13 11:27:51

My grandmother was born in late 1900s and didn't feel the need, so if I had a DD in the 21st century who did it I would be rather surprised and disappointed. I hope that my DSs don't get self centred partners either that need to be constantly appeased.
Judging by MN I would say it was the man who constantly had to peace keep between his DW and his mother!

flippinada Sun 24-Mar-13 11:28:34

Seeker, I think the only thing you were vaguely unreasonable about was hoping for a sensible discussion in aibu!

Tee2072 Sun 24-Mar-13 11:30:55

You can't go by MN, especially the relationship boards. The purpose of MN is (mostly) support and moaning.

Those of us who don't need support or a moan don't post about our relationships. Which is probably 95% of us. Many more than who do.

seeker Sun 24-Mar-13 11:31:32

Ooh, look, an ad hominem and a poor men in the same post!

Catmint Sun 24-Mar-13 11:33:19

I am very pleased that so many women here aren't made responsible for being the emotional managers in their homes.

I think Seeker is angry and frustrated that so many women still are.

And I agree.

I have been horrified at the number of threads on MN recently where women have been systematically emotionally abused over long periods, have had their strength and self esteem eroded by a dominant and disrespectful partner.

It's like a scary mirror world where basic things like being loved for who you are cannot be relied upon and your power is drained away.

countrykitten Sun 24-Mar-13 11:33:33

Goady and silly.

seeker Sun 24-Mar-13 11:33:38

It's not just in relationships, Tee, though. And even there, it's not just the person moaning- it's the advice they get. Actually, quite often the person moaning is told that the problem is her own fault!

countrykitten Sun 24-Mar-13 11:34:44

To seeker's last post.

I was brought up in an abusive man pleasing house.
Hell will freeze over before I adopt that way of life for me or DC. DH is happy, I'm happy, kids happy. All good chez Scarlett grin

countrykitten Sun 24-Mar-13 11:39:11

You want to start an argument here but many people disagree. I very much agree with Tee in that you get a very skewed view here on MN especially on relationships and this has possibly affected your perception of the dynamics of relationships in general?

squeakytoy Sun 24-Mar-13 11:40:59

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flippinada Sun 24-Mar-13 11:41:00

Agree Catmint, great post.

Some people seem to be reading this as a personal attack on the men they know who don't behave badly and are good partners/dads. It isn't.

countrykitten Sun 24-Mar-13 11:41:07

Instead of being angry or disbelieving about this seeker, surely it's something to be pleased about?

Startail Sun 24-Mar-13 11:46:46

I think I do get where the OP is coming from.

DM does keep my somewhat shorter tempered DDad from doing/saying things that would cause grief.

If I feel I'm about to say the wrong thing to DSIS I phone mum first.

I do a little of the same
, acting as a filter between DD2 and DH, because they are likely to annoy each other.

I think it, often does, fall to women to keep the peace.

Partly because most Mothers spend more time with their DCs than their Fathers do. Doing the school run etc. you tend to hear more of the ins and outs of their lives. You get the unfiltered instant version of the DCs day.

Mum is more likely to know all parties involved in thinks that are upsetting the DCs.

Mum also knows DHs project is due tomorrow. She therefore knows that today is not a good time for DCs and DH to share grumbles.

Especially as most men like to fix things. There isn't a practical solution to all problems.

I think more than anything this is why women do the "emotion keeper" bit, they want to stop inappropriate actions being taken when doing something isn't the answer.

SigmundFraude Sun 24-Mar-13 11:51:53

I deliberately didn't post in feminism just to see what would happen. Predictably, within a very few posts, I had several ad hominem comments and a "this is even worse for men, they just don't talk about it, poor loves!"

Soooooo, feminism section enlightened, superior, empathetic beings /everywhere else, unenlightened down-trodden, menz excusing handmaidens.

Got it. Ta.

Eskino Sun 24-Mar-13 11:53:07

I do tend to say, "for gods sake CALM DOWN" a lot, but that's for my benefit, no one else's.

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