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MIL gave Dd a big present I hate, what to do?(135 Posts)
Today MIL turned up with a present for our 2 yo Dd. it's a bright pink slide (dd's not seen it yet). I know I will sound really ungrateful but it really is not something that I would want to look at in the garden. My tastes are very different from MIL, I prefer more natural, creative, gender neutral, well constructed toys whereas MIL is quite the opposite - if it's plastic, flashes and pink she loves it. I think dd would probably enjoy going on the slide and that's the most important thing, but it's really not my kind of thing.
Realistically I dont want a plastic slide in the garden, but I have come to the conclusion that i'm just going to have to suck it up and have it. I don't like pink things like this as I think they look tacky and if we have a son next it is too gender specific. It doesn't matter with little things I can pack in a box but with a slide it's very visible. If i have to keep the slide, would I be unreasonable to ask if I can swap for it for the more neutral red one. At Christmas they wanted to buy her a pink trike and we gently suggested something else as we'd prefer to buy a balance bike, but I can see this coming up every time. What would you do?
So long as your mother doesn't get into competition with your MIL and buy an even bigger pink slide.
My mum bought my barely toddling DS a big yellow tractor (he was 2 and 5 before he could go on it). She knew that MIL had brought him a big red tractor (he was 4 before he could ride that on his own). I wanted beautiful organic landscaped in toys.
We now have a garden corner thats dedicated to plastic tat 'the tat shrine' lets say, then the rest of it is lovely to look at. The tat area is tucked round a corner so its not the first thing i see when i look out in the garden. I collect up the tat at the end of the day and tuck it away. The DC like the tat, the grandparents like the tat.
We have a giant pink slide in our garden, courtesy of PIL.
Would I have bought it myself?
Do I appreciate it as a thoughtful gift that they knew our DDs would love, spent time choosing, ordering and then constructing?
Yes I do, very much so.
Its a slide, she will love it and so will any boys you go on to have.
It will fade in the sun anyway
if we ever get any bloody sun
Why can a future son not use the pink slide?
By the time you have a son who's old enough to use it the sun will have bleached the pink out of it!
Why on earth does it matter if the slide is pink anyway??
The odd pink thing or everything pink is fine if that's what your dd likes. If that's what your ds likes it would be fine too. It's just a colour. It doesn't mean your dd is going to grow up chained to the kitchen sink and wearing marigolds for her whole life.... !
I think all the hatred over pink is nonsense.
Dd had a pink Disney princess bedroom aged 4 because that's what she wanted. I cringed but fair enough. At 10 now she has a bedroom that is painted army camouflage .... ! They do change.
Sadly in most cases toddlers and children love the plastic flashing stuff more than the hand crafted organic wooden stuff. It's generally the mums who like the latter.
I think you should buy MIL a massive tacky bird bath, (or a massive tasteful bird bath if she is into tacky). And mention that you'd wondered if it was a bit thoughtless to buy someone a large present for their garden without checking first, but then you remembered the pink slide so you knew MIL wouldn't mind. And how you're looking forward to seeing it in MIL's garden every time you visit.
And while I'm polishing my halo can I just point out that it's not just your garden - it's your DD's garden too.
You have to share now ;)
I used to think the same for the first two years of my daughter's life. I kept things absolutely gender neutral (not a speck of pink in the house!). Then she gradually was able to pick her own tastes in toys (from shops or play groups or t.v adverts) And no big surprises here, she tended towards girly pink things and is now one of the most girly girls I know.
No matter what you bring into the house, they will gravitate towards what they like, not what you like. You will not create a pink-freak if you allow the slide into your garden.
And young boys don't care about the colour either. My son plays with Barbies and pony's and beads and lip gloss with his sister. He's only 2 so it's not an issue.
Your house will not be your own for a number of years to come. Not a room will be left without sticky fingerprints, crushed cheerios, gaudy plastic toys, or 'artwork' on the walls. Tacky toys like pink slides are part and parcel of it all, unfortunately.
Say thank you and get over it. Its a slide, it performs the same function regardless of colour. Your dd (and any future DCs of either gender) will enjoy playing on it and wont care two hoots if its black, pink, blue or orange.
It sounds like you are trying too hard to be 'gender neutral', if your dd enjoys the toys and they are age appropriate then it would be unfair and ungrateful to stop her.
Ha! My friend's DS will not play with anything that is not pink. She wanted a DD but said, 'At least with a DS I will not have to worry about bloody pink everywhere.'
How wrong she was.... last year he demanded to watch the whole Race For Life as so many of the runners were wearing pink
YANBU to hate it; YABU to let MIL know this.
Exactly fairylea, well said, I completely agree
(DD1 has a pink disney princess bedroom)
Lol at gender specific
My dds played for years on a blue slide. But they liked pink things too. I don't think they cared either way. Ds used to dress up in their princess outfits.
I'm afraid children haven't read the manual on what they're 'supposed' to like (which is of course the brilliant thing about them!)
Goodness first time ever I'm going to agree with MIL? (Wtf)
It's a bloody slide for god sake! I bet your dd will love it! Has it really got to the point where parents are now choosing toys to go with there own tastes? How strange that you would have prefered a more classy one? Will you be using it? [Grin]
YABVS (You are being very silly) It's a slide. It's pink. Big deal.
Wait til your PIL give your 3 year old a recorder 2 weeks after the birth of DC2 now that's a pisser of a gift!
it did not end up being chucked outside and then repeatedly run over with the wheelie bin while DD was at nursery, oh no
Also what wrongsideoftheroad said. Time to share OP
Thanks everyone, ok I'll keep it. It runs a bit deeper than just the slide if I'm honest. I had previously got on well with MIL (despite different backgrounds and tastes) but she was horrified when I became pregnant as we are not married and she made it very clear that we were an embarrassment to the family and behaved disgracefully throughout my pregnancy and early weeks with new born. We were very shocked at this as we were delighted to be becoming parents but didn't ever discuss how upsetting their behaviour towards us was. They are Daily Mail reading judgy types and just don't 'get' us. I think each time we get this kind of situation it just reminds me how different we are unfortunately.
This mum hated the "organic" wood stuff. It put dents and scratches in everything it collided with and made wonderful makeshift crayons. Add to that the fact that most of it's still made in the far east, anyhow so you have no idea what's possibly in that paint they're chewing off. (Yes, there was a range of wooden toys found to have lead based paint on them, a few years back)
Yabu - Its not your present, its DD's and I'm sure she likes it. Suck it up & let her enjoy it!
Does your DD like the slide is the question, pink is a colour that is suitable for all children who like the colour pink. You seem to be wanting to swap it to meet the hypothetical preferences of a hypothetical DS.
This will not be the first time your DD owns something that is not to your taste, - you and your garden will survive the trauma of the pink slide.
Ahh so looking out in the garden at the slide is going to remind you of her and her miserable ways... I don't think the colour is going to help disguise it
Maybe you could imagine it's her smug face everytime dd slides down it?
Lovely natural stuff is really expensive, so probably unrealistic for most people to get as presents or themselves. I would suck it up but one of you can have a word about not wanting to have to buy everything again if you have a son. While I know that you wouldn't really have to, the kind of person who buys pink everything is probably the kind of person who wouldn't want a boy playing with masses of pink toys.
Say thanks and use it for the summer, your child will have a great time on it. My Dd wanted one of those plastic cars you move with your feet, I found a purple and pink one in a car boot sale for super cheap, took it home and he was in heaven. His big brother took a sharpie pen and wrote Police in block letters on each door and he played on it for years. The colour won't matter, if you have a boy he'll slide as well on pink as if it were brown.
It was my Ds that wanted a car, Dd wasn't born till many years later.
Was the present for any particular occasion? Could you go down the 'we don't want to spoil her with presents all year through, so can we save it for birthday/christmas
2014? Also, I think it's a fair point that it's not neccessarily the colour pink you (and I) object to- it's probably as much to do with the decoration- all stupid butterflies and twirliness. Why can't the stuff be pink, but with trains or something on? It's one thing to genderise colour, but the likes of ELC etc have divided up most objects of interest too. Name something apart from maybe Zoo animals that isn't designated for girl/boys. Actually, forget Zoos: Lions/tigers/monkeys: boys. I reckon only elephants are neutral now.
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