Mixed seating at weddings WHY??

(254 Posts)
PicassosSausage Fri 22-Mar-13 14:57:48

Was recently at a wedding where DH and I were split up, at the same table, but with various random cousins and friends of the bride and groom between us. Am I being a miserable old wench for not liking this at all? The people between us were complete strangers and, although we are both pretty outgoing, I really loathe the whole forced small talk thing. I'm sure bride and groom were hoping we'd all mix and get along - which of course we did - but I don't go to weddings to make new friends, sorry I don't I go for the free booze

Our friendship group was scattered across the room and husbands and wives similarly split up on tables

I know it's their wedding day but AIBU to think this is just annoying and a bit...I dunno...stupid

kennyp Sun 24-Mar-13 20:50:45

I live with dh and married him so obviousky i quite like him but i do not want to sit next to him at weddings, dinners etc, i see him every bloody night and if we are out i like variety. (Am not a swinger, if this makes me sound odd!)

We went with more friends and less family, because DM insisted that if we invited one aunt, uncle or cousin we had to invite them all, which would have meant a very big wedding (which we didn't want). So we invited immediate family only and quite a few friends (venue was for 50 people). It was a lovely day, but with hindsight I wish I'd gone with more family and stuck to the ones I know well and really like, I feel a bit sad now that more of my family weren't invited especially as some of the friends have fallen by the wayside.

Wishihadabs Sun 24-Mar-13 17:32:49

I love being sat with random strangers at weddings (whilst usually on a table with DH).There's loads of time for catching up before or after the meal.

My POV on weddings these days is that you should have people there that at least one of the happy couple knows reasonably well, this should include family too. At least then you stand a good chance of being able to seat people together who might get on and have a good time.

If DP and I ever bother to get married, I am NOT inviting the many, many cousins from my dad's side who I last saw at least 20 years ago and have zero in common with them apart from a small bit of DNA.

That's another thing Worried - I'm quite surprised people still invite so many family and so few friends, or friends and colleagues are only invited for the evening do. I think friends can be the new family and we certainly invited lots to our wedding - though I guess my mother still suggested quite a few distant cousins !
We went to one of DH's colleagues weddings recently as evening guests and there was only a pay yourself bar. Virtually no food - though I did help myself to a bit of cheese and biscuit and a small tart (which only left one for someone else) and not even any clear place for us to sit. And a band to dance to which were OK. As I hardly knew anyone it wasn't the most fun I've ever had, but the children enjoyed it, as children are often quicker to make friends than adults I find.

WorriedTeenMum Sun 24-Mar-13 13:53:05

I agree Elegant.

The worst weddings I have attended have been 'family' weddings where the invitation seemed to be more of a 3 line whip. The last one we were invited to was accompanied by a silly rhyme about wanting money or holiday vouchers. MiL was genuinely shocked that we immediately declined. In her eyes we should have attended simply because it was family even though this was a cousin of DH's who he hadnt met in 20 years and I had never met.

IME these are precisely the weddings where couples get split up and random relatives are put together simply because they possibly share some DNA. You have nothing in common and have been invited only to have the set in attendance (^all the family was there!^).

BookFairy Sun 24-Mar-13 13:52:28

What a minefield. My sister didn't have a seating plan and it was a bit chaotic, with everyone asking me where they should sit!
I agree with sparkling that there isa huge difference between not being keen on enforced mingling and refusing to talk to/sit with strangers.

ipswichwitch Sun 24-Mar-13 13:06:33

I would think that if you are inviting people to attend your wedding you should know them well enough to know if they can cope with being sat away from their DP next to complete strangers they may/may not get on with, or if they would be uncomfortable with that set up. Then you could seat guests accordingly. I don't get why you would invite people you really don't know that well at all tbh.
This is why we had a very small wedding with afternoon tea in a hotel - plenty room for everyone and you could choose to mingle with strangers or sit with people you knew

ElegantSufficiency Sun 24-Mar-13 12:47:01

I think it should be more acceptable to just say that youdon't attend weddings. I've said this to a few people and jaws have dropped. I stand by it though. I will not attend another wedding until it is my daughters.

ifancyashandy Sun 24-Mar-13 12:38:49

Pissed elderly relatives are usually HUGE fun!!

TheRealFellatio Sun 24-Mar-13 12:30:19

haha - mother I think this is the thread that divides the young and in love from the old and jaded. grin

TheRealFellatio Sun 24-Mar-13 12:29:15

I wondered that too Dad!

motherinferior Sun 24-Mar-13 12:12:32

Am I the only person who might be slightly miffed at having to sit next to someone I see every day? I know what Mr Inferior is probably going to say. I can get that at home for nothing. Having made the effort to go out, surely the least I can expect is a bit of conversation with someone new?

DadOnIce Sun 24-Mar-13 12:12:13

If I can just ask a daft question about a comment 10 pages back... Why are assigned tables needed at Irish weddings in particular?

Sparklingbrook Sun 24-Mar-13 12:11:35

How about pissed elderly relatives fancy? grin

ifancyashandy Sun 24-Mar-13 12:08:40

That would be a considerate thing to do.

I'd go for the piss heads!

Sparklingbrook Sun 24-Mar-13 12:02:13

Would it be within the realms of possibility of the Bride and Groom to ask anyone coming on their own what sort of people they would like to sit with? I would probably opt for elderly relatives. smile

WorriedTeenMum Sun 24-Mar-13 12:01:01

Not everybody likes weddings. Not liking that sort of contrived event doesnt mean that invited guests dont like the B&G or dont wish them well. The B&G should understand that they arent doing people a favour by inviting them to their wedding. It is a compliment to the guest to be invited and a compliment from the guest to the B&G to accept the invitation.

Why invite weird Uncle Arthur and then invite second cousin Joan who is a 'safe pair of hands' to look after him? All too many of these big weddings seem to be about looking right (all the relatives ticked as having been invited) rather than feeling right.

I no longer go to weddings when I know that I have been invited simply because the B&G 'want all the family there' rather than because they want the individual people there.

Binkybix Sun 24-Mar-13 11:56:36

Exactly that ifancy! All the people specifying how they want to sit are thinking of it just from their perspective when there are usually lots of different people in different circs and it's about trying to find something that works best overall for your guests.

ifancyashandy Sun 24-Mar-13 11:49:44

Argh!!! But what about people who don't know anyone else at the wedding apart from the B or G?

Where are they supposed to sit? Out by the sodding loos, in order that try don't contaminate the couples/friends?!

<breathes>

Sparklingbrook Sun 24-Mar-13 11:47:28

By the end of the Reception she would be topless in a field with the Groom anyway. grin

TheRealFellatio Sun 24-Mar-13 11:45:31

She bloody would, wouldn't she? All 'look at me, not the bride'. hmm

Sparklingbrook Sun 24-Mar-13 11:41:34

She would of course be dressed all in white Fellatio. grin

TheRealFellatio Sun 24-Mar-13 11:40:17

Oh I'm sure even she can be quite pleasant when she is being paid to dream up some inflammatory bollocks. grin

Sparklingbrook Sun 24-Mar-13 11:36:46

That's true Fellatio. Ooh imagine being sat by Katie Hopkins or something. If I was sat next to a mutual friend of the couple I didn't know I think I would be very worried about putting my foot in it though. The small talk would be very small. grin

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