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To despair at how hard girls and their friendships can be

(58 Posts)
Molehillmountain Thu 21-Mar-13 19:21:49

I love dd to bits but the friendship stuff makes me tear my hair out. I can't bear the to Ing and fro Ing that goes on and the best friend not best friend angst. Especially when I can see how she's not helping herself. Aargh! She's seven. Will it get better?

Takver Sat 23-Mar-13 08:49:38

"Odd as she is pretty/clever/indulged I always thought unpleasant children came from awful backgrounds but seems its innate in some kids."

Its also important to remember that you never know what is happening at home - things can look fine from the outside, but be different behind closed doors (don't mean anything terrible, particularly, but things like parental conflict, for example which can come out in behaviour to others).

Abra1d Sat 23-Mar-13 08:54:20

Unfortunately it's a bit of a myth that unpleasant/bullying children are that way because something negative has been occurring to them. Often they are that way because they have deeply over-inflated senses of themselves.

kerala Sat 23-Mar-13 13:56:49

Think it is that Abra in this case anyway. Am quite friendly with the mum and would be very surprised if anything dark was going on in the family. But the child does have a very over-inflated sense of herself not helped by being chosen to be on the front of a magazine, lead in school play, constant comments on her prettiness etc etc hmm. Creating a monster!

Astelia Sat 23-Mar-13 14:36:48

It only takes one or two queen bee types to make other girls' lives a misery. The other nice girls don't want to be on the receiving end so don't stand up for the victims.

The queen bee types will pick on those who are a threat to them- the pretty ones, the pretty and clever ones. Girls can be jealous of other girls' hair, skin, eyes, figure- you name it.

TheSmallClanger Sat 23-Mar-13 17:12:20

Friendships outside the pressure-cooker of school are really helpful here.

To everyone assuming this is a "girl thing" - it does happen to boys, but not until much later. Boys aged 16-19 can be staggeringly cruel and calculating towards each other, as well as violent, and their chopping and changing of allegiances is generally tolerated as them "getting it out of their system and moving on".

The worst thing I dealt with the fallout from as an FE teacher was when a group wrote an anonymous letter to one lad's mum, telling her that he was gay.

Abra1d Sat 23-Mar-13 17:15:37

'helped by being chosen to be on the front of a magazine, lead in school play, constant comments on her prettiness etc etc . Creating a monster!'

Yup. And hard for that child when she grows up and sees that she is no longer anything particularly special in the big wide world. A little bit of struggling while you're at school is no bad thing. I am not talking about a child who is being bullied, tormented, excluded, etc. I mean things like not always being chosen for teams/plays or winning academic praise and awards.

TheSmallClanger Sat 23-Mar-13 17:18:38

I agree Abra, children like that often peak too soon and underachieve as adults.

Abra1d Sat 23-Mar-13 17:23:02

'The worst thing I dealt with the fallout from as an FE teacher was when a group wrote an anonymous letter to one lad's mum, telling her that he was gay.'

That is terrible!

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