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to think it's inappropriate for DD to share a bed/room with a boy twice her age?

(288 Posts)
princessj29 Wed 20-Mar-13 22:25:30

DD is only just 5. She sees her father every other weekend. He has a girlfriend who has a ten year old brother who often sleeps over when DD is there. Her father bought a bunk bed for her room with a double bed on the bottom, which she says they usually share. There is another spare room in the house so no need for them to share rooms let alone beds IMO. She spoke about his 'bits pointing up' when he woke last week and I feel very uncomfortable about them sharing a bed/room. AIBU?

ClippedPhoenix Wed 20-Mar-13 22:45:18

Im sure the little boy is lovely but I'd still go for separate rooms even with brothers and sisters. I can't understand why your ex can't see this?

princessj29 Wed 20-Mar-13 22:46:20

Have had the film chat before too as she's had nightmares many times about them and zombies game s - she wakes terrified zombies are waiting to kill her :-(

pigletmania Wed 20-Mar-13 22:46:23

Fims should be age appropriate and watched in the main family room

SuburbanRhonda Germany Wed 20-Mar-13 22:46:25

Why don't you phone your children's services contact centre (anonymously) for advice? They would know whether a situation is potentially a CP issue or not.

pigletmania Wed 20-Mar-13 22:47:21

Unless these issues are addressed she either des nt go or you collect her before bedtime

QuickLookBusy Wed 20-Mar-13 22:49:20

YANBU

What are you going to do about this situation OP?

Surely if she's having nightmares about zombies killing her, you need to do something.

princessj29 Wed 20-Mar-13 22:50:41

But surely if I stopped contact and it went to court he could just lie and say they have separate rooms and make me out to be a contact blocker? DD has selective mutism and would never in a million years speak to CAFCASS or anyone.

Can they not separate the bunk beds and get a screen or run a curtain across the room so it can be separated when she stays over?

princessj29 Wed 20-Mar-13 22:53:06

I've spoken to him about the films and games - he says she doesn't have nightmares there (not much chance of that when it's only twice per month she stays!) And that I'm lying

blackeyedsusan England Wed 20-Mar-13 22:54:41

hmm and what does ex think school are going to do when she goes and says the boys bits were sticking up?

it is going to be a lot more hassle than putting them in seperate rooms!!

princessj29 Wed 20-Mar-13 22:54:45

No the bunk beds can't be separated. But there is a perfectly good bed in the other room that the boy could use.

blackeyedsusan England Wed 20-Mar-13 22:55:26

x post ...

princessj29 Wed 20-Mar-13 22:56:21

That's the thing - she has selective mutism so doesn't talk at school which makes it easy for him to say I'm lying.

IneedAsockamnesty Wed 20-Mar-13 22:57:19

If I was a parent of either child I would not be comfortable with this at all,its not just about protecting from potential abuse but also the possible allegation of such a thing.

And respecting both children's right to personal respect.

If either were my child then my child would not be returning.

pigletmania Wed 20-Mar-13 22:58:05

Seriously princess you have to do something for your dd and this boys sake it's not right. Your dd best interests come first

QuickLookBusy Wed 20-Mar-13 22:58:10

You need to talk to someone and tell them what your dd has said.

pigletmania Wed 20-Mar-13 22:58:47

You cannot allow this to continue

christinarossetti Wed 20-Mar-13 22:59:31

YANBU at all. Your dd's father shouldn't be letting her watch films that are too old for her, not letting her share a bed with a 10 year old. Separate bunk beds if there was only one bedroom between them would be fair enough - the current arrangement isn't.

I'd agree that you need to put some boundaries in place with the sanction that dd won't be staying overnight unless they're respected.

pigletmania Wed 20-Mar-13 23:00:01

If he des not change the sleeping areangements I would stop dd going teir and get legal advice

christinarossetti Wed 20-Mar-13 23:00:56

Do you mind me asking how long your dd has had selective mutism for princess and what if any sort of support you and and she are receiving?

SuburbanRhonda Germany Wed 20-Mar-13 23:02:23

As I posted above, talk to children's services. In my local authority there is a contact centre with a free phone number; you can phone anonymously and not give any personal details at all. They will have seen and heard every scenario going, and can give you sound and unbiased advice.

princessj29 Wed 20-Mar-13 23:03:02

I completely agree that it must stop but I do feel he'll just lie and continue doing as he pleases. In which case what do I do when DD won't confirm what I've said and may even deny it if dad tells her she'd be stopped from seeing the boy.

bamboozled Wed 20-Mar-13 23:04:16

Not being unreasonable at all.
Just all wrong - and as for the movies - call me old fashioned but a 5 year old should only watch U films - not PGs...
What a nightmare for you..

SuburbanRhonda Germany Wed 20-Mar-13 23:04:35

I can say hand on heart that in my role in family support in a primary school, if I was given this information I would be having both parents in to discuss my concerns, with the head teacher there as well.

pigletmania Wed 20-Mar-13 23:05:10

You have to take the situation in your hands and deal with it. Either sea rate bedrooms and age appropriate fims or she will not stay the night an you come and collect her

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