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to tell my ex husband he is a prize cock

(40 Posts)
princessj29 Wed 20-Mar-13 21:29:26

Ex and I haven't been together since DD, whos just turned 5, was one. I am now remarried and have another daughter who is 6 months old. He has contact every other weekend - no midweek contact and none during school holidays despite me having offered it. Last week he asked if he could have midweek contact tonight. He's probably had it five times at most since we split so, keen to encourage contact, I told DD she'd miss her after school activity today. She didn't want to, but accepted it. There's a fair in town so DD asked if he'd take her there after tea - there are many places to eat at/around the fair. He said he would. When he's taken her for tea before he's always been late so I was very specific about what time she needed to be back when he asked. We've had a busy few days and she really needed a bath so I said to be back by 6.45 which is reasonable considering she, and her sister, are usually in bed for 7.30.
At 6.15 he text saying they hadn't got to the fair yet and could he return her at 7.30 instead. I said no as it's too late, she needed a bath and he is so loud that he'd have woken my baby if she'd already been asleep. He returned her at 7.25! She was soaked through, shivering and half asleep. Turns out they'd driven 12 miles to collect his gf from work, then a further 22 miles past our town to him and his girlfriends favourite restaurant where DD doesn't like the food and so didn't eat anything. They then took her to the fair, another 10 mile drive, and she went on the water zorbing activity first where she got soaked but he let her Carry on going on other rides anyway despite her complaining she was cold and wanted to go home. Her lips were blue when she got here and she was absolutely shattered from lack of food plus too much driving around.
Younger DD was extremely tired and upset, elder DD was so tired she started crying at the prospect of having to walk upstairs and went to bed still shivering. She's been up twice already saying she feels ill and can't warm up and baby has only just settled. Before ex arrived DD and I filled an envelope with pictures she'd done at school for him as he has no involvement in her school life and so usually misses out. He didn't thank her or anything then on the way to his car DD saw him put the envelope and it's contents into our bin which is out for collection tomorrow :-( I have chronic sinusitis which isn't clearing up and the prospect of being up with the kids tonight just makes me want to ring him and tell him he's an absolute cock. I'm so tired and can't shake the illness because everytime DD returns from contact we have at least 2 or 3 unsettled nights due to nightmares from inappropriate films he's let her watch/games he's let her play. Apologies for the rant, realistically I know I won't call him. But AIBU to think he's behaved like an idiot tonight and to pull him up on it?

pooka Wed 20-Mar-13 21:31:57

shock

YAdefinitelyNBUin the slightest.

What a twat.

Callisto Wed 20-Mar-13 21:32:44

He does indeed sound like a prize knob. Can you limit contact if he is going to be so irresponsible?

EggyFucker Wed 20-Mar-13 21:33:37

I can confirm he is a Prize Cock

When he asks again for this kind of contact, you know how to respond

RandomMess Wed 20-Mar-13 21:34:34

I wouldn't waste your breathe, just stick to alternate weekends!

DesperatelySeekingSedatives Wed 20-Mar-13 21:36:20

YANBU so sad for your DD though seeing her dad chuck the pictures she'd given him in the bin. I have a 5 year old DD myself and that's made me want to cry.

MrsRajeshKoothrappali Wed 20-Mar-13 21:37:13

Chucking her pictures in the bin in front of her is vile.

I'd consider stopping contact - she's not his priority.

Sorry.

sad

Stixswhichtwizzle Wed 20-Mar-13 21:37:50

YANBU. Of it all the part that upsets me most is that she made him pictures which he put in the bin. And she saw it! sad sad

Icelollycraving Wed 20-Mar-13 21:38:59

At least a cock has its uses. Yanbu.

YesIamYourSisterInLaw Wed 20-Mar-13 21:41:25

I wouldn't even allow him contact what a total knob rot

DorisIsWaiting Wed 20-Mar-13 21:42:42

Can you get the envelope out of your bin (so your dd doesn't lose her work)?

And he is a utter cock

Darkesteyes Wed 20-Mar-13 21:43:26

What an absolute bastard. My guess is he wanted to show off being "Disney dad" (or his idea of it) in front of his girlfriend.

princessj29 Wed 20-Mar-13 21:47:10

The envelope was what upset me most too :-( pictures have been rescued. It just makes me so sad for DD because she is desperately trying to think the best of him time and time again he lets her down, breaks promises and generally acts like a cock.

NomNomDePlum Wed 20-Mar-13 21:51:42

you need to tell him that she saw him throw away the pictures. tell him in front of his gf and his parents if you can manage it. what an utter prick.

Hopasholic Wed 20-Mar-13 21:52:26

Personally I would send the pictures to him in the post addressed to 'COCK'
That is absolutely disgraceful and so sad
At least you know the answer should he ever ask for midweek contact again.

anonymosity Wed 20-Mar-13 21:54:42

You don't need to tell him he's a cock, but you do need to tell him that when he is with your DD that her needs should be his priority. Her physical needs - hunger, cold, tiredness etc. That you have a routine, for her benefit and that he needs to respect that and perhaps he can plan better in future. He is her dad, he's not going away, just try to manage him better. Don't start a fight.

BonaDrag Wed 20-Mar-13 21:59:13

What NomNom said

MsAkimbo Wed 20-Mar-13 22:00:01

shock Your poor DD!

How sad. YANBU. Agree with a pp, is this a new gf?

HerrenaHarridan Wed 20-Mar-13 22:00:33

Words fail me!

Poor dd, in future if he asks for extra co tact just ask her and if she'd rather go to her activity (or stay home and watch telly!) let her make that choice.

I can't believe he threw her pics away angry

maddening Wed 20-Mar-13 22:02:52

he is indeed a prize cock sad poor dd

I would go and lie with her - body warmth and cuddles are good medicine

blackeyedsusan England Wed 20-Mar-13 22:04:10

next time, she is busy. what a crap dad.

princessj29 Wed 20-Mar-13 22:05:16

I have explained that many times. He thinks I'm bossing him around and that he knows best. I just feel lucky that she's such a good kid otherwise tonight could've been a major meltdown, as could it be when I have to wake her for school in the morning. He doesn't deserve her and it is so frustrating that he can just dip in and out of her life, disrupt and upset her, then fuck off and refuse to consider the consequences. I had to carefully select which pics to include as mostly DD draws me, her and her sister and DH - she has never drawn one of her father once.

princessj29 Wed 20-Mar-13 22:08:50

Would love to go cuddle her but baby is unsettled and co sleeps so can't get away. Will definitely say she's busy next time but would put money on him asking again next week just so he can try and start an argument when I say no.

blackeyedsusan England Wed 20-Mar-13 23:18:24

write down the state she returned in today. keep it somewhere safe. if he kicks off about weekdays, and he is rreguaally crap this will help

I would also be tempted to warn the teacher... sorry dd is a little tired today as she went out with her dad and was back late. or ask at the end of the day how she has been.

anonymosity Wed 20-Mar-13 23:55:20

I am sorry to hear that princess - you've obviously tried your best. And she's going to grow up knowing you've tried your best at least. Sorry not to be more helpful to you.

He sounds like a tool.

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