DH's awful family part 2...

(208 Posts)
curiousgeorgie Tue 19-Mar-13 21:14:54

So I've started a second thread as requested...

Who would have guessed that they would be so bad as to require more than 1000 posts wink

teejwood Tue 19-Mar-13 21:47:59

shock
They asked you not to go to a new consultant after several mc so you wouldn't mess up their wedding plans??

I can understand that they couldn't hold off on making their plans and the way it has all worked out is a bit unfortunate timing wise - but obviously fab as you are now pg with longed-for dc2!

But the way in which you have been treated, shoved at a back table with the dc's and people you don't know (probably so you don't take the shine off Bridezilla), with DH under orders to be in groom party seclusion - well feck that with a great big feckity stick. It seems to indicate that their problem (jealousy?) with you and complete disregard for your DH's family (as in you and DC's) goes back some way....

I mean quite apart from the travel, passport, pain, risk of blood clots, cost - what about the post-pg hormones? You may be happy as larry, but if you're feeling a bit down the last place you want to be is sitting in enforced, false gaiety with a bunch of bloody strangers.

Tell them to get stuffed.
<gavel>

FierceBadIggi Tue 19-Mar-13 21:48:09

Cookielady has a good point, second cs my wound didn't heal properly and I had multiple visits to nurse for dressing changes that carried on for three fecking months after the op.

Yup! That too! Then I wonder if its me. Then quickly realise nope, I am a sane person (most of the time), they are the bonkers ones! Thankfully dh is further down the road than yours is and has very little to do with them. 150 miles helps too! I recommend it.

SlowLooseChippings Tue 19-Mar-13 21:49:37

Georgie you're dead right. Whether its 11 or 15 hours' drive it's still too much to go for somebody else's family!

BlueStarsAtNight Tue 19-Mar-13 21:56:20

Georgie I have been following since the start of the first thread, and really I have no words!!! I am just astounded at the twatty cuntish selfishness of your pil, bil and sil, especially with regards to the CMV. Have fingers tightly crossed that you get the all clear.

I'm really glad you've made the decision to not go to the wedding, I can't believe you were even considering it when you spell it all out like that! And if nothing else, surely CMV isn't something you would want to expose your newborn to, so you have an excellent excuse to not see DH's family for at least the next couple of years!

Have you told them that you won't be going? Do it whilst your resolve is strong, and whilst you are both still angry enough not to be persuaded to change your mind!

I would just send a "with regret" card from you dh dd and bump. But then I'm evil!

Toastismyfriend Tue 19-Mar-13 22:01:53

General advice after cs is to rest as much as possible for 6 weeks..no heavy lifting etc..it is major abdominal surgery. That said, from a midwives point of view, if you desperately wanted to go and had lots of help and support and no complications it would be ok...after all some people have no choice. It sounds like your part of the deal is beyond grim though..i wouldn't fancy it.

Toastismyfriend Tue 19-Mar-13 22:04:33

Chances of huge family rift here though..can you talk this through with someone who knows them and supports you..your family?...get some advice from someone who cares but might be able to step back a bit?

I'm just coming on to the thread to wave pom poms and cheer. You're a trooper and they were lucky to have you. I wouldn't have been going to the wedding in the first place. They just pushed too much, didn't they?

blackeyedsusan Tue 19-Mar-13 22:04:45

oh my. i did not realise that you were the wedding op and the parents doing up house op... they are something aren't they. i am going to have to read the rest of the previous thread now...

Loulybelle Tue 19-Mar-13 22:04:52

Im actually speechless they asked you to stop TTC, for their fucking wedding
!!!!!!!

Fuck this lot, fuck em all, they are serious piss takers.

ChasedByBees Tue 19-Mar-13 22:06:30

Absolutely no way would I go to that wedding. It would be entirely impractical even if they hadn't just shown they don't give a damn about you. I can understand your DH reconsidering his involvement too but I can imagine that will come with a massive side portion of drama and chest beating from all your ILs. Tricky!

Toastismyfriend Any family rift will not be the fault of the OP. In this case she has every reason to go apeshit on the lot of them.

Thinkingof4 Tue 19-Mar-13 22:10:18

I think you are right, don't go to the wedding! Any subsequent fall out is definitely not your fault!
Hope you get blood test results soon and it's all ok

talk about bridezilla.

don't go. doesn't sound like they've made much effort to make you welcome hmm

bit take take take aren't they?

xigris Tue 19-Mar-13 22:15:45

God, your in laws so need to bog off to the far side of bog! They're unbelievable! Like I said before, you really need your own reality show; ("Britain's Most Fuckwitted In Laws"?) clearly would have to be on C4. Alternatively, maybe they could have a cameo on Shameless.....?grin

SoggySummer Tue 19-Mar-13 22:15:59

Blimey!!! Please put your whole frigging life on hold for our wedding!!!

I have heard it all now!!

I wonder if people like this ever look back on their lives and think "Oh shit what a tit I was???" Perhaps once they divorce??

You really could not make this up - no one would believe it would they.

I have read the other thread, and this one in jaw dropping disbelief at your in laws, Georgie!

Well done for putting your foot down about them staying - and fwiw, I don't think you should go to the wedding - four weeks or so after major abdominal surgery, with a toddler and a newborn? Noooooo.

timidviper Tue 19-Mar-13 22:23:04

Sometimes the more you put yourself out for people, the more they walk all over you. I think the poster upthread who said stand your ground and let them come to you has a point.

thedicewoman Tue 19-Mar-13 22:26:47

have been following thread but as mum to new Ds and toddler Dd, I just wanted to say that absolutely no way would I have been upfor going to a wedding when Ds was 6 weeks old, not even to my best friend in the world's wedding, never mind people who have treated me like this! apart from anything else don't underestimate how (unbelievably) much harder work it is with two Dc, it completely floored me and I think it really only started to get easier at about 12 weeks! think about yourself and your family and what's good for you, not these tossers.

sicutlilium Tue 19-Mar-13 22:34:31

My dearest friend, who is godmother to DS1, couldn't make his christening because she was heavily pregnant, had a toddler, didn't drive and lived miles away from both us and the venue and her (now ex) husband was working abroad at the time. I was very sorry that she couldn't be there, but it didn't occur to me to put her under pressure to attend. We just appointed a proxy for the day and my friend remains the most fantastic godmother. Look after yourself OP.

magimedi Tue 19-Mar-13 22:37:34

I am speechless!

What a load of twats.

I'd have nothing to do with any of them ever again.

LiveItUp Tue 19-Mar-13 22:41:56

No way, at every level. 3 weeks post cs you'll still be bonding, sore, oozing, knackered, or on a more positive note, relaxing in the afterglow enjoying the peace and quiet with your new family. You can't travel a baby that young that far, expose them to even more, put yourself through two days of being ignored by the rudest family out there, squeeze into some party frock, hand baby round a bunch of cooing germ-ridden slightly tipsy strangers, .... need I go on ..?

Hope you tell them none of you are going. They are in the wrong. They can build bridges back to you. And if they don't, hey, you still win as you don't get this poisonous family trying to run rings around you whenever it suits them.

Skygirls Tue 19-Mar-13 23:08:08

Can you tell Auntie J what's happening and get her on side to state the obvious to the selfish and ignorant PIL, BIL, SIL about you and DH going to the wedding?

Then they can't directly spit bile at you and you can just say
'Oh, that Auntie J is so wise.'

I think it's really bad form to expect you to go so soon after having DC2 and to expect you to be sole carer for your DCS whilst there, and to take DH away for 2 days, with no one to help you.

Outrageous! I'm angry for you georgie
Don't go.

cantreachmytoes Tue 19-Mar-13 23:24:43

Another lurker popping out to say that I am utterly shocked that they asked you to stop TTC, regardless of the new Dr, for their wedding!

Agree that there'll be massive fallout from not attending (and I don't think you OR DH should) and given how unreasonable these people are - and self-centred - I'm not sure you'll ever be awarded the moral high ground in their eyes, but you most definitely have been awarded it here on MN!

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