To wonder why women tolerate this crap?(fb related)

(45 Posts)
hairtearing Tue 19-Mar-13 17:41:40

There's someone on my FB, has DC and has a DP who never looks after DC, never helps around the house, she never goes out because he makes a huge deal and starts arguments if she dares leave him to look after his own kids.
He's unemployed never gets up to do morning wake ups ever, her DC have to enjoy cartoons whilst he's asleep because as soon as he wakes up it has to be all his programs sad
She's always complaining about him, I wonder how many people are reading the posts thinking the same as me,
Am I right in thinking no man would tolerate this the other way round,?
If that was my OH he'd be under the patio by nowgrin

AIBU

HillBilly76 Tue 19-Mar-13 17:46:16

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TobyLerone Tue 19-Mar-13 17:47:24

I have no idea why anyone complains about their partner to anyone other than their partner.

Genuinely don't get it. What is the point?

Low self esteem, parents who modeled similar relationships, belief that any man is better that no man, thinking 'as long as he doesn't hit me, he's a good man'.

hairtearing Tue 19-Mar-13 17:51:05

I think often toby for moral support, to see if others agree wioth you,going through the same thing?

Maybe hilly, but its more important than their happiness isn't it? its their childrens, and there wellbeing.
from what I've read that child can't be happy sad

purrpurr Tue 19-Mar-13 17:52:02

Toby, because sometimes it's entirely possible to be grumpy and irritable and want to complain about one's partner, without them needing to be the recipient of said complaints?

hairtearing Tue 19-Mar-13 17:53:03

I commented last week on a post last week I couldn't sit on my hands, casually saying how my OH who literally works every hour god sends helps with my children and he wouldn't refuse. I hope I shamed that arsehole if he's reading angry

purrpurr Tue 19-Mar-13 17:53:21

Hair, YANBU, of course. Maybe the person on your FB should start a thread on Mumsnet so we can all be supportive and she can ignore it entirely and not change anything, because 'he's lovely really'.

TobyLerone Tue 19-Mar-13 18:00:16

Really, purr? I can't think of a situation where DH had annoyed me where it wouldn't be better just to tell him, so that he wouldn't do it again.

I don't agree with slagging one's partner (or anyone else) off on the internet, while passive-aggressively refusing to tell the person that they've done something wrong.

hairtearing Tue 19-Mar-13 18:13:15

You must disagree with half of mumsnet then toby grin

Poppet48 Tue 19-Mar-13 18:15:44

I also cannot understand why women on Facebook complain about their partners, Why do it so publicly where everyone who knows you knows that your relationship is suffering?

Do it on MN ;)

Ullena Tue 19-Mar-13 18:22:03

"I also cannot understand why women on Facebook complain about their partners, Why do it so publicly where everyone who knows you knows that your relationship is suffering?"

Why not be public? If someone is unhappy, why should they hide it?

HillBilly76 Tue 19-Mar-13 18:24:15

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TeWiSavesTheDay Tue 19-Mar-13 18:28:30

It's really hard, because sometimes I think people post these kind of status/have these kind of moans because they WANT you to validate that their OH is a shithead and they should LTB.

But it's very hard to say that to someone you know and risk them getting the hump.

JamieandtheMagicTorch Tue 19-Mar-13 18:33:48

Toby

I think that, in many cases, if it comes to the point of talking on the internet about your partner, then your partnership isn't that great, and talking to them won't help, as the Relationship section will attest. Unfortunately, I think some people don't realise how bad and unacceptable it is. Unless they come on MN.

BertieBotts Tue 19-Mar-13 18:35:49

Tell her to LTB.

Or get her on mumsnet by other stealth means, then we will grin

WowOoo Tue 19-Mar-13 18:36:54

I agree with Toby on this. I'd never moan about Dh on facebook.
I think I have bitched at him, but only for him putting some pictures on where I looked pisseda mess.

If she really is tolerating this crap, why doesn't she act instead of complaining?

Do you think he reads her facebook comments OP?
Would he react to it or would he give her grief for airing her dirty underwear as it were?

wannabeEostregoddess Tue 19-Mar-13 18:37:01

Hmm. Its tricky.

My ex was exactly like the twat described in the OP. I moaned about him to anyone but him. I dont know why. I just did.

I learnt from it though. My DP now isnt perfect (who is?) but he is far from useless and he does more around the place than me. We are very very private with our relationship and any problems we have we sort it with each other.

I think its a habit people get into. Maybe a bit foolish. I was young and stupid and it took me to spend three years as a single mum to figure out how I should be treated and what I would and wouldnt stand for. Is she young?

MoodyDidIt Tue 19-Mar-13 18:38:10

i think we share a fb friend op, she sounds just like my good mate

sad

and i do not for the life of me understand why women put up with these complete and utter useless wastes of air

JamieandtheMagicTorch Tue 19-Mar-13 18:38:33

wannabe

just interested - was the fact that you wanted to moan publicly about him a sign that it wasn't that great?

wannabeEostregoddess Tue 19-Mar-13 18:44:09

I think so. It was utterly shit. He was physically and emotionally abusive. He was spending all our money on weed. Even when that stopped just before DD was born he was still vile. Maybe even worse.

I think I told other people because I had to process what was happening somehow. It wasnt on facebook, I didnt have it then. And a lot of the worst stuff I kept in. But I talked about him constantly.

wannabeEostregoddess Tue 19-Mar-13 18:46:57

That said, I also believe that couples who are keen on constant PDAs on facebook and go on about how great everything is are also not doing great behind closed doors. I have known a lot of couples like this.

TobyLerone Tue 19-Mar-13 19:23:51

Oh, I disagree with most of MN, hair grin

Cricrichan Tue 19-Mar-13 19:31:10

I don't understand the point of anyone who just lies around doing nothing and would never tolerate anyone like that in my life. What on earth is a grown man doing getting up late and watching tv all day ?? I'd tell him to either get a job or get out, or look after the kids and I'll get a job.

thezebrawearspurple Tue 19-Mar-13 19:53:55

The type of person who bitches about their oh (or anyone for that matter) on facebook all day is not exactly a catch, the useless bastard is their male equivalent and they're stuck in the muck with each other because no self respecting person would touch them with a barge pole.

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