Mumsnet Talk

I'm definitely being unreasonable, but need to rant.

MIL is staying for a week, she arrived 2 days ago, and I spent the two days before she arrived cleaning the whole house from top to bottom and making sure it was immaculate. My DP and I both work full-time and offered to take time off work to show her around the city we live in. She said not to bother and that she'd amuse herself, so we just took a couple of days off each near the end of the week so she wasn't on her own every day.
She spent yesterday and this morning shopping, but now she's cleaning and scrubbing the bathroom she has been using (we have two). I know she's trying to help and clean up after herself, but the bathroom is still clean after 2 days and only 2 showers and it makes me feel like our house is so dirty she has to spend her holidays cleaning it for us.
I also feel a bit like my womanly housekeeping territory is being encroached upon. Anyone agree? Or do I just need a glass of wine? :-)

Have a glass of wine. If she starts stripping your bedsheets you can feel insulted.

Have a glass of wine and sit back and relax! Let her scrub and clean if she wants to help!

I clean my bathrooms every day btw.

Every day!

I know the intentions are good but that sort of thing drives me nuts. My MIL stealth-cleans when she's here - last time she cleaned out the cupboard where we keep our condiments (which admittedly was covered in salt and pepper from the crappy grinders) and I could actually feel my blood pressure rising when I saw it! It feels silly to get annoyed over something so small but as you say it feels like an intrusion and implies that your house isn't clean enough for her standards. If MIL started cleaning my bathroom I'd go and tell her to stop, it would annoy me so much.

It'd drive me fucking mad.

Get the wine open, although she'll probably have your glass washed, dried and put away before you've had a chance to refill

Your 'womanly housekeeping territory'?! Really?! <checks calendar for century>

Send her here after you've calmed down

I suspect wine would help if she's only been there two days.

MIL was 'helpful' when they were up last, and noticed a little round ball in both the upstairs and downstairs loos, though oh the boys must have dropped their toys in and fished them out, giving them a good clean off. Only thing is, they're those ones little boys use to improve their aim, and they'd been in the loos for months and months.

DH really struggled with that one. I just opened the wine early.

My god, I love you all. I thought I was the only one that found this annoying!!

Know where you are coming from, whenever my MIL comes over she will offer to Hoover / polish something / wash up. Drives me up the wall but trying to get into the mindset that if she wants to waste her time cleaning my already tidy house let her, saves us another job!! put your feet up, glass of wine (then perhaps ask her if when she's done she'd mind making a start on the kitchen/lounge)

It is her issue. Enjoy the benefit!

<hijack>

Cailin - things better with MIL/ baby?

I think she probably just wants to clean up after herself, so that you don't feel she is adding to your workload by being there.

I know some people feel twitchy about their mums/mil clearing up in their homes, but tbh, I love it when my mum cleans and sorts out my kitchen. She always improves things so I'm happy to let her get on with it. I would try to relax about it a bit, unless she starts cleaning your bedroom.

KirstyJC, I know, I didn't even think I had a "womanly housekeeping territory", but it turns out I do. Not usually houseproud in the least!

My mum is just super clean and tidy, partly the result of having a slovenly mum herself. I love the state she leaves my kitchen in.

Yesterday there was a thread about people who didn't clean the bath after they had used.

Sometimes I think visitors should be presented with a set of instructions.

This why I miss my DMIL so much, she walked, rode horses, did various things for church and had a lovely dusty untidy old house.

If my parents come I have to clean!

My MIL used to be just like that-once I got over it, I just let her get on with it-it kept her happy. She is now very elderly and in a care home-she got a second lease of life once they let her help-she enjoys it and it is harmless.

She probably just likes to do it.
Has she made any comments at all?

yes, I'd find it annoying, but it's better than having a maid if she is not like my mother

Exotic

Excellent point. It can be terrible for people in care homes to be fOrced into dependence - not having any opportunity to cook, clean or do their own laundry

one of my best mates cleans every time she stays

its an absolute godsend

As it is the bathroom she has been using I think YABU. Do you want to clean her skid marks?

Gawd - I'm going to be a MIL in about 8 weeks time & I'm dreading it thanks to you nest of vipers - whatever MILs do seems to be wrong.

MIL cleaned my hob once when she babysat.

Wine - lots of it. Be thankful that your MIL isn't doing the white glove test. My MIL had the nerve to test the top of the mantle when they visited after we had moved in together.

Five years of marriage later we gave her a grandchild and how things have changed. I have an American passport and she is as sweet as pie to me as she fears that if DH and I divorce she will lose access to the DC's. Not that we are going to get divorced but when it comes to my MIL, I LOVE AMERICA!

I would give my eye teeth to have MIL around to clean for me, the help would be so welcome right now. My house is a heap at mo and I cant get on top of it.