To post on here instead of punching a wall.

(40 Posts)
peppapigmustdie Sun 17-Mar-13 21:16:40

Ex has not paid anything towards DD1 for 7 years after he became self employed. The CSA have tried but always return a nil payment due.
He sees her 3 times a year to fit in with his work and that is non negotiable ( on his part not mine)
DD is 13 and has been having a terrible time at school with bullying including cyber. I have been in constant touch with the school and pastoral care team.Three weeks ago she admitted to self h&arming and we hav been to the GP and are waitng for a referral to CAHMS?
She wants to move next term will be Yr9 to a School 20 miles away. TH council do provide transport at a cost of £25 a week or public transport involving two buses would be £18 a week.
I explained that much as I would love to move her, we already live on a very tight budget ( I work full time) and moving to the town of the new school would mean my job was no longer vialble.
So she asked her Dad for help, opened up about everything and his answer was " Tell your Mother that if she wants money to think of a better excuse!"
She now wants nothing to do with him and I am one glass of wine away from ringing him or his wife to ask how they would feel if in ten years time their Daughter needed something.
Sorry far too long just needed to have a huge vent.

gymmummy64 Sun 24-Mar-13 11:24:41

DD is legally old enough to make her own contact decisions at 14 I believe. Does she want to continue contact with her father?

blackeyedsusan Sun 24-Mar-13 10:47:53

and is dd old enough now to make her own decisions about contact.

MatureUniStudent Sun 24-Mar-13 10:42:33

Is there any hardship funding you can access in the new school? My DC get 10% of clothing and a grant to buy books, pens etc. Also will you qualify for free school meals from the council?

And I am so relieved to hear she will move schools. I had a self harmer and moving schools was the Best thing.

MoaneyMcmoanmoan Sun 24-Mar-13 09:21:31

I am so glad your DD is able to move schools.
Sadly my daughter was also cyber and verbally bullied. We moved schools and it has worked wonderfully. She now has a great group of friends and I pray the same for your daughter.

As for your ex? He will get hit by the karma bus. There are no words to describe his hideous behaviour.

So thankful your inlaws are going to help out.

I really hope the school is a wonderful new start for your DD.

roadkillbunny Sun 24-Mar-13 08:39:56

I am so glad to read that Peppa, I know that it will involve sacrifice for the ex pil to do this but clearly they can see that this isn't you asking for help with funding a club or sport but rather something that has the possibility of not only turning your dd's life around but also saving it. They can clearly see this, take their help in the spirit that it was given and put all your focus in making your dd's new start work and continue to support her through the self harm. Best of luck.

SamuelWestsMistress Sun 24-Mar-13 08:08:42

What a horrible pathetic excuse for a human. I can't bring myself to say "man" because a real man wouldn't treat his own daughter like that!

peppapigmustdie Sun 24-Mar-13 01:06:53

Update,
the ex in laws came through! She will start after Easter at the new School.
fingers crossed this is the start of a better time for her.

Cherriesarelovely Sun 17-Mar-13 23:06:49

Just wanted to add my support Peppa. Before I was on MN I naively thought that, because of the CSA people couldn't get away with not paying manitenance. Obviously that is not the case....how disgusting. How can his current partner stand by and watch him do this? It beggars belief! I really hope your Dd gets the help she needs and that her move goes smoothly. My lovely young cousin was horribly bullied and a move changed things completely for her.
I think I still would send that letter to his wife. Just to shame him/her.

peppapigmustdie Sun 17-Mar-13 22:31:32

I am going to ask his Mum and Dad tomorrow,it will be by phone sadly. They live 4 hours away. I know they will say yes and this thread was only meant for me to scream into the ether. He is an arse and always will be but by his family helping dd his nephews will have to miss out on other things. It is not right.

WorraLiberty Sun 17-Mar-13 22:25:47

Given what you've said, I really would ask the family for help if they're reliable.

Your ex is not reliable and I'd worry more about him actually agreeing to this and then leaving you up shit creek, once your DD has moved schools.

joanofarchitrave Sun 17-Mar-13 22:22:35

Wonder how he is living with himself, really.

Sounds like his family are your best bet. Good luck.

peppapigmustdie Sun 17-Mar-13 22:20:01

thebody the police have been told but as it was al on something called ask.fm where you can be anon it makes it difficult.... not impossible you notice!
I am just so cross with myself for not only letting my precious baby get hurt so badly but having her with such a fucking arsehole bastard cuntface. Sorry I needed that .

peppapigmustdie Sun 17-Mar-13 22:14:18

They would Seabright and I think this is how we will have to deal with it but none of us are well off and it will mean sacrifices on all fronts. His family have other Grandchildren too, who need help. Not help as such but a little etra here or there which if given to my dd would not be available eg trips, scouts uniform etc ..

thebody Sun 17-Mar-13 22:13:26

He's beyond the parent pale.

Hugs to your dd, have you involved the police as telling someone to kill themselves is a serious offence.

You sound lovely.

MidniteScribbler Sun 17-Mar-13 22:11:52

What a waste of oxygen.

Could you daughter pick up some work herself to help fund the move to another school? Babysitting a few times per month, or doing some ironing. Do they still have paper routes in the UK? Kids here can make pretty good pocket money by bundling the free local paper and advertising materials and dropping it in letterboxes.

Good luck.

LadyMaryQuiteContrary Sun 17-Mar-13 22:10:25

I thought that. I got every excuse possible. I wasn't grateful for his maintenance, he was under the threat of redundancy (for 4 years), the exchange rate problem, I didn't send him enough pictures, he didn't speak or email ds for 6 months because ds corrected his father's grammar. confused I approached his father's sister who was always reasonable (no joy), then his wife and begged (pointless), then his mother who wouldn't confirm where he lived so I couldn't start court proceedings (thank god for google). In the mean time he's been happy for ds to suffer whilst I run myself into the ground to make ends meet. I also have MS and am off work sick (no surprise there). You need to sort this out yourself and see anything you can get off him as a bonus. sad

Seabright Sun 17-Mar-13 22:08:25

If his family are onside, maybe you, your mum and two family members from his side could each contribute one week per month of bus fares?

Not fair, of course, that he doesn't pay, but i'm just trying to think of ideas that might work.

peppapigmustdie Sun 17-Mar-13 22:03:55

Lady his family is brilliant and they are my next port of call. I have no idea how he came from such a decent and loving family and still turned out to be such an arse.

LadyMaryQuiteContrary Sun 17-Mar-13 21:59:15

Don't bother with his family, they will back him up (even if he is clearly a tosser) sad

LadyMaryQuiteContrary Sun 17-Mar-13 21:58:12

My ex is like this. Ds is disabled and needs orthotic boots. I asked his father (who hasn't paid maintenance for months and now owes us 2K) to help him and he hasn't bothered to reply. Get onto the council and see if there's more that they can do. If not, try a charity, anything! Bus tickets can be cheaper if bought in bulk, although unhelpful as you need the cash upfront. sad

Parents like him should be publicly flogged IMO, there's no excuse for making a child suffer. It's neglect.

peppapigmustdie Sun 17-Mar-13 21:54:09

yaimee he doesn't speak to any of his family because they have told him in no uncertain terms that him not paying for dd whilst living the life he does
is disgusting.

peppapigmustdie Sun 17-Mar-13 21:51:44

Of course sleeton

yaimee Sun 17-Mar-13 21:51:13

Completely agree that you have nothing to lose now so ring/email, send them what evidence you have.
What an utter cunt.
Remember you catch more flies with honey than vinegar though, so try again to approach him reasonably first, if not I'd go in all guns blazing and start ringing his family etc
I know that sounds unhinged but there's no way he should be getting away with almost actively showing sustain for your dd who is having a hard enough time as it is.

sleeton Sun 17-Mar-13 21:47:26

peppapigmustdie, I am so sorry to hear about your DD1. It can be so hard for young people to cope.
I can't make any practical suggestions to get her father to step up to the mark, he sounds a seriously nasty article, but I do have another idea that was used by someone in my family.
Is it okay to PM you? (If I can work out 'how' to PM ... I'm new here, and still finding my way about).

peppapigmustdie Sun 17-Mar-13 21:44:19

That is why Mum wants to move in, fewer fuel bills and less council tax. My Mum worked 3 jobs to afford her own very small house and I don't see why she should sell it to fund an arsehole. She will if needed though.

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