To get annoyed that DH just does DIY all weekend, every weekend?

(87 Posts)
LadyWoo Sun 17-Mar-13 13:15:23

Yes, I know I should be grateful he wants the house to look nice etc etc, but seriously, all weekend, every weekend?

This means several negative things for me; we get no family time at all. I am left in sole charge of 3 DCs plus all household chores. The house is often a mess because there is dust, mess, dust sheets, tools, boxes, everywhere whilst it is taking place. It often means that we are inconvenienced for the day, for example yesterday we had no water all day as it was switched off whilst he installed a sink. He started the work in the morning before I got up, and it meant I couldn't have a shower or even brush my teeth until yesterday evening, and we also couldn't flush the loos all day!

I'm a bit fed up with it. He's doing more work today. We do have water though thank goodness. Once he's done one job, he's onto another. We never get to do anything as a family, and I never get any downtime at weekends.

Oh and one other thing, he thinks because he's spent 12 hours doing DIY, I should spend 12 hours doing non-fun jobs in the house too, when it's his choice to do DIY, not my choice, and I think weekends are for relaxing and for spending time as a family.

littlemisssarcastic Mon 18-Mar-13 12:08:31

How do you manage to keep the DC from disturbing him all weekend, every weekend?
They must look forward to seeing him and spending time with him at the weekend.
Do you live in a detached house btw? I don't think I would like to be your neighbour. Do you get on well with your neighbours?

WTF did it take all day just to put one sink in??

2hours tops your water should have been off for!

And yes YANBU. Being in a house when someone else is doing DIY is draining.

The mess always has a knock on effect on other rooms plus you're left dealing with the kids and feeling obliged to making numerous cups of tea.

zlist Mon 18-Mar-13 12:16:37

YANBU - it sounds exhausting.
It is great that he is able and willing to do the DIY/Decorating but unless you have both agreed to a period of time when family life is put on hold to get the jobs done. This sounds never-ending.

Alibabaandthe40nappies Mon 18-Mar-13 12:32:36

YANBU

He is being extremely selfish, and actually quite controlling because it is very hard to object to something that can come under the guise of being for everyone's benefit.

You need to sit down and have a serious conversation, and he needs to really listen to what you are saying. Your DC are only little once, he is going to miss their whole childhood unless he puts down his tools.

shewhowines Mon 18-Mar-13 12:34:44

If he doesn't listen to you when you have "the conversation" that you know is needed, and if he doesn't take on board some of your points, then there is clearly a lack of respect for you.

That would worry me greatly and probably put my marriage in danger.

You can acknowledge his lack of confidence (if that could be a possibility) but he does need to take on some joint and some sole responsibility for the children's needs and happiness.

Good luck. You need to tackle this.

samandi Mon 18-Mar-13 12:49:53

YANBU. I wouldn't tolerate that. If the work needs doing, that is something that needs to be discussed not decided upon by one person.

Crinkle77 Mon 18-Mar-13 12:55:00

It sounds to me like he is doing these jobs to get out of having to help with the children. Could you come to a compromise and insist that he does nothing on a sunday avo and you can do family stuff then?

Nagoo Mon 18-Mar-13 13:09:57

YANBU. It is selfish. If something needs doing then fair enough, talk about it, schedule it together.

I'd be putting my foot down.

One day for him, one day for you. Make him take the DC out. If he's home it'll be too tempting to find something to do without them. He can do what he likes on the other day.

WhatKindofFool Mon 18-Mar-13 13:23:19

He does nothing for the kids. The other week he was doing his DIY and one of the DCs was ill, as was I but he wouldn't even take her to the emergency doctors and instead I had to do it despite feeling ill

That is not only selfish but quite cruel.

I think you really need to confront him.

Put your foot down and say, no, our bedroom does not need redoing.

Tell him it looks like he's just trying to avoid his family all the time and see if you can have a real discussion about it. You need to figure out if his avoidance is because he has some kind of anxiety about family time (which can possibly be worked on) or if he's just a selfish prick (which you can't really).

Either way, you can't really go on like this. It's not fair on you or the kids.

MansView Mon 18-Mar-13 15:21:46

RE: - 'In fairness he probably thinks he's doing he best thing for the family by doing DIY when actually you'd prefer the family time.'

you're joking, right? with 3 kids hanging around, I think I'd do anything not to do family time... smile

Idocrazythings Mon 18-Mar-13 16:22:34

You're right (I'm the wife of the zombie killer) he's being much more productive than mine, but he's still avoiding. It is selfish and not fair. What gets me is when he comes down and gets all annoyed because we haven't tidied up!

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