ZOMBIE THREAD ALERT: This thread hasn't been posted on for a while.
To get annoyed that DH just does DIY all weekend, every weekend?(87 Posts)
Yes, I know I should be grateful he wants the house to look nice etc etc, but seriously, all weekend, every weekend?
This means several negative things for me; we get no family time at all. I am left in sole charge of 3 DCs plus all household chores. The house is often a mess because there is dust, mess, dust sheets, tools, boxes, everywhere whilst it is taking place. It often means that we are inconvenienced for the day, for example yesterday we had no water all day as it was switched off whilst he installed a sink. He started the work in the morning before I got up, and it meant I couldn't have a shower or even brush my teeth until yesterday evening, and we also couldn't flush the loos all day!
I'm a bit fed up with it. He's doing more work today. We do have water though thank goodness. Once he's done one job, he's onto another. We never get to do anything as a family, and I never get any downtime at weekends.
Oh and one other thing, he thinks because he's spent 12 hours doing DIY, I should spend 12 hours doing non-fun jobs in the house too, when it's his choice to do DIY, not my choice, and I think weekends are for relaxing and for spending time as a family.
If you need a break it might be worth doing what we did for a while - we found a local sixth former to looker after the younger children here on a Sunday morning. It worked very well.
A man who is good at DIY is worth his weight in gold. But there can't be work needed every weekend for years, surely.?
Dust is the worst as unhealthy for everybody, especially DC. Drilling went through me and made me on edge, but didn't last long.
Every pro has a con in life. And many ladies are so envious of you and would love a 'handy man'.
He does sound a bit OTT though, but thank goodness he does his own mess clearing/cleaning and not say you have to do it.
I hear you OP, and you are not being unreasonable.
However, fact is, I would be delighted with him. Sorry.
You could try palming him off on friends who need odd jobs doing but whose DHs are allergic to the drill
my husband for example. He gets to fulfill his DIY urges but he's out from under your feet.
Could you negotiate alternate weekends with him so you get some family time/help with the kids?
I wish my husband did DIY. Or even helped with the heavy lifting.
I can see it would get annoying all the time though. Can you maybe book family time in advance? And yes, I wouldn't be spending all day doing no fun stuff just because he was doing DIY, I would be sitting on my bum drinking tea or going for walks with the kids.
My dp doesn't to any DIY, he doesn't enjoy it
and isn't very good at it so come the weekend I go and DIY while he spends time with ds. It's great, they get decent time together and I get to do stuff uninterrupted or hindered by work and the confines of the school day. Those of you who are jealous could just learn to DIY, it doesn't have to be the husband who does it
It's not fair if he gets to just please himself every single weekend, not matter what the activity is though. Yanbu. You really aren't.
I am still wildly jealous though. My dh is pretty rubbish at diy. He can paint, and lift heavy things and put up shelves, but he's crap at fixing things or building/making anything. He's pretty despondent about doing any of it at all. I must admit I had him chalked up as more of a diy guy than he actually is. I'm a bit gutted about that.
Anyhoo - it's selfish of him to ignore any appeals you have made to spend time together, regardless.
What does he say about it?
I need a kitchen fitting.
Is he available?
Get him to write a snagging list of everything that needs doing. As a couple, write dates next to everything. Make sure there is a day every fortniggt where no diy is allowed.
Just tell him right next weekend we are going out as a family and no fucking tools.
If he doesn't want to then you and the kids go, book a weekend away in the credit card and just leave him.
he is using it to push you away
for your neighbours too
Yabu. My dh works all weekend, and as he is a teacher, there is not even any extra money involved, I look after 2 dcs and do everything else. We have a tatty new house, and a whole heap of diy jobs, never to be done(I am pregnant with twins else wld do myself). Consider yourself lucky (provided he stops when its done!) x
Yes but going out with the children/hiring sixth formers/palming him off to friends is not addressing the part if the problem where the OP feels he is not engaged in family life.
I can see you want family time and not spend all w/end doing chores but equally think its nice he's building a lovely home for you and DCs, sorry.
Can you all agree to one weekend DIY and one weekend family time. Guess it win't be forever
Sounds like a keeper!
I have a DH who is a bit like this and it does my head in. Mainly for the reasons that you've put but also it is damn hard work supervising small children when someone is up a ladder drilling all the time.
Why not arrange family outings? One a weekend, with him. Also, I agree re asking him to let you know what jobs are planned and how long they will take.
go out and have family time, if he doesn't want to join you all for family time then that is his loss. But you don't have to miss out. Make sure you have interesting activities planned for the next three to four weekends, they don't have to cost lots of money either.
Possibly being at home alone for the next three to four weekends may make him notice what he is missing.
YANBU and for those that thing you are, just imagine the OP said - Golf/Gambling/Keep-fit , no brainer, totally unreasonable.
DIY for my DH is a hobby, he gets satisfaction from it, learns new skills and the side effect is that we eventually get a nicer environment. If DH had nothing to do on our property he'd he helping out a mate or his family, it's what he likes to do.
Sadly for DH I'm a professional trademan so am not as impressed as I could be
but the whole pregnancy & breastfeeding years gave him the perfect excuse to indulge his 'hobby' whilst I was left holding the babies.
Like yours, he could n't wait to get up and at the tools, gaining satisfaction from his projects whilst I cooked/cleaned/wiped arses 7 days a week.
I have threated to have an affair with either Brad Pitt or Johnny Depp but this doesn't move him, one weekend the DDs saw Depp as Mr Wonka for more hours then their DIY Dad.
He went out 40 minutes ago to 'tidy up' and has just come in.
Book holidays away - no staycation/day trip thing, it won't happen
Day trips to local National Trust/Beach/Country Park at least once a month, anywhere out the house, as a whole family group, DH often tries to wriggle out of these - be strong.
Make him take the kids swimming one morning so you get a break.
Build in down time for yourself - if you crack under the responsibility of consistently looking after the kids you'll go down with a bang and then where will you all be.
Well I for one don't envy you OP and I'm a single parent. Sorry to be blunt but he sounds like a bit of a crap dad/husband who does'nt really want to spend time with his family. Does he ever do anything with his kids with or without you? Do you ever get a break?
Personally I'd be making lunch/shopping plans for next weekend, alone, it'd do him and the kids a world of good to spend some time together.
And I'd say a serious chat is in order.
Jeez there must be a hell of a lot needing done! A whole day with no water for one sink?
sit him down tonight, say that while you think it's nice that the house is nicer, you need some time as a family and the DCs actually want to spend some time with him. Ask him what he had planned for next weekend, because you would like to put a new rule in that he only does DIY every other weekend, or only one day of the weekend, but beyond that, he should be spending time with the DCs.
He's being selfish, he wants to do DIY but because it's a job you would have to pay for, it makes it look like he's doing something nice for his family - point out his children would rather have a rubbish sink but spent time with their Dad. Say that there's no poitn having a great family home if he's not being a good dad.
And check your finances, say if any big jobs need doing, you'd rather he paid for it to be done and you got some time with him.
I can't help thinking if he's spending twelve hours a day twice a week there must be tons needing done so surely him getting it done will benefit the whole family?
I had a partner like this. He hated family life. He did it with his ex wife before me. His father was the same as he spent all weekend doing church things instead of bringing up his kids. Needless to say, we are no longer together.
Join the discussion
Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.Register now
Already registered with Mumsnet? Log in to leave your comment or alternatively, sign in with Facebook or Google.
Please login first.