Note: Please bear in mind that whilst this topic does canvass opinions, it is not a fight club. You may disagree with other posters but we do ask you please to stick to our Talk Guidelines and to be civil. We don't allow personal attacks or troll-hunting. Do please report any. Thanks, MNHQ.

To think that it is normal to love your children more than your partner?

(195 Posts)
honeytea Sat 16-Mar-13 20:05:03

I was talking to DS today more like talking at DS he is only 3 months old I said to him "Having you as my son is the best thing that has ever happened to me" Dp overheard and said "what about me! Am I not the best thing that ever happened to you?"

I said to Dp that it is normal to love your kids more than each other, Dp thinks it is not normal.

I think parental love and romantic love is very different, I am still breastfeeding DS so maybe it is the breastfeeding hormones that are making me feel so in love with DS.

How does it work in your family?

zukiecat Sat 16-Mar-13 20:22:51

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Love for your children is unconditional all other love has conditions, so it's different. I love the dc, I would die for them, I love Dh I would be devastated if anything happened to him, I wouldn't die for him though.

honeytea Sat 16-Mar-13 20:23:37

I really really love my DP, he comes a very close second but I feel like I have know DS all my life even though I only met him 12 weeks ago.

I think it must be hormonal, I felt this love for my Dp when I was pregnat, I would sit and look at his eye lashes and smell him, now I feel like that about ds, I am so excited when I wake up every morning and I know I am going to spend the day with him, when I go to sleep at night it feels like christmas eve knowing I am going to wake up with my amazing ds.

I think maybe I am just a little crazy ;)

ChestyLeRoux Sat 16-Mar-13 20:23:38

Same love but differently. Think its weird when people say they love one more than the other. Your a family for life there shouldnt be a pecking order.

highlandbird Sat 16-Mar-13 20:23:57

Oops few x posts there I'm slow at typing .......

nevertoolate26 Sat 16-Mar-13 20:24:14

Threewheelsgood - why is not normal to love your kids more? I read an article once, I think it was in Psychologies, one of those true articles. If I remember correctly, the man left his wife because she said she loved the kids more than him and he'd said he loved her more than the kids. I think the psychologist said a woman naturally loves her children more whereas the man would love his partner more.

NatashaBee Sat 16-Mar-13 20:24:47

As domjolly said... Love for your children is unconditional, love for your DP is not.

INeedThatForkOff Sat 16-Mar-13 20:24:51

I was thinking about this today. As much as my DH is a wonderful man and I love him, my feelings for my DCs are incomparable. I wonder if this is why some men feel jealous of their babies?

I don't love dh less than dd.

I do love dd unconditionally though, and if dh were to cheat, leave, be violent etc, I would leave him.
I would never leave my dd, whatever the circumstance.

Weissdorn Sat 16-Mar-13 20:25:36

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nevertoolate26 Sat 16-Mar-13 20:25:54

zukiecat - I envy your parents relationship - as long as it was mutual! But I still think 'd love my kids more.

neontetra Sat 16-Mar-13 20:26:06

Have no words to describe my love for dd.

Will always love dh, apart from anything else he's her father, but of course I love him less than her. In fact, i told him so soon after she was born. He understood - am sure that by now he feels the same.

I know we've been lucky in finding it so easy to love her. I love her more than I can say.

HollyBerryBush Sat 16-Mar-13 20:27:53

No. DH comes first with me. Kids are as a result of "us".

I recently read a study that said children are more secure when they come second to the parental relationship because it gives them stability and security. Can't think which hypothesis that was, someone with a working knowledge of psychology will know.

It's a bit like the crashing plane scenario and there is one parachute short - who goes without. Me of course - he is the current principle wage earner, ergo he is needed to care for and provide for the children. We would argue about this as the plane plummeted! He would say he is better life insured therefore he would go without the parachute so that me and the kids were ok.

YABU

Why is it even a competition?

Why even think in those terms?

I love DH more than any other man I've ever known. I love DS more than any other child in the world.

But I could never say I love one more than the other, not only because they're different kinds of love, but because I just love them both so immensely. I couldn't even begin to measure or compare.

firesidechat Sat 16-Mar-13 20:28:57

I don't love my grown up children more than I love my husband. It is a different love.

The love you have for your children is visceral and made up of a huge need to protect and care for them. If someone tried to harm them I would tear them limb from limb. You worry about them and this never stops.

My husband is like my other half (I know this is a cliche, but it feels like that). He is my best friend and I will spend far more of my life with him then I ever will with my children. Children grow up and make their own lives and parents will be less vital to their happiness.

I couldn't choose between husband and children and thankfully don't have to.

5madthings Sat 16-Mar-13 20:29:21

I think its a different love, I do know I would sacrifice myself for my children if I had to but I don't know that I would do that for dp.

Ohhelpohnoitsa Sat 16-Mar-13 20:31:00

I wish I could be noisytoys above, I am in fact more domjolly. both excellent posts.

Beamur Sat 16-Mar-13 20:31:46

When I was pregnant with DD, DP and I went to see 'Pans Labyrinth' - in retrospect, not a good choice when 8.5 months upduffed....
Coming out of the film (mildly traumatised) I said to DP if he has to choose between me and our unborn child, who would he choose? He said he would choose me. (This was the 'right' answer at the time). Having had our baby, I revisited this conversation and said, if ever we were in that situation again, he must choose the baby - he smiled.
He understands this totally. However much you love your partner, you would die for your kids.

SirBoobAlot Sat 16-Mar-13 20:32:34

I love my DS more than anything. I would do anything for him.

Completely normal to love your children more than anyone else, think that's the way it should be.

I adore dh but yeah I do love the dc more. Fortunately he feels the same.

zukiecat Sat 16-Mar-13 20:32:38

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WhatsTheBuzz Sat 16-Mar-13 20:32:38

op, that's really lovely to read, glad you're enjoying your baby. I love my dc more than anyone. Rather fond of dp too.

catgirl1976 Sat 16-Mar-13 20:32:43

Agree it's the unconditional element with DCs that is the biggest difference

Morloth Sat 16-Mar-13 20:36:01

Love isn't finite or measurable.

I feel differently about my kids and my DH but I dont love one more than the other.

RatPants Sat 16-Mar-13 20:36:41

I love my dc more. I love my dh like no other but there is no question in my mind.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now