AIBU to think that if a midday assistant at school feels it necessary to shout at my 6 yr old, I should have been informed?

(252 Posts)
laluna Fri 15-Mar-13 15:54:38

DS came out of class crying saying he had been yelled at by the MDA and he didn't understand why.

He explained to me that there had been a bit if a falling out in his group of friends and she shouted at them.

If my child does something wrong, I am not precious about him and the situation should be death with accordingly by the person in charge. No issue with that. But AIBU to think that yelling is not really appropriate and if the situation is really that bad, I should be involved?? Am a bit cross and have asked the school to clarify the position.

LaQueen Tue 19-Mar-13 21:03:52

Mo I am just responding to the kindled interest...he does Costa every lunchtime, by the way wink

kim147 Tue 19-Mar-13 20:49:46

Went to a school today. Only about 20 children in the playground. The MDA was yelling at the children who were simply asking a question. It was not time to line up but yelling at them when they were only a few metres away that it was not time did seem a bit off.

MoYerBoat Tue 19-Mar-13 20:13:07

To be fair, LaQ, tis you who is going on about your DH and his ruddy coffee ... can't he just go to Costa? smile

LaQueen Tue 19-Mar-13 19:23:12

Endlessly fascinating as my DH's coffee making preferences are...

I have to agree with you sugar - the newest recruit probably makes coffee most often, but everyone takes their turn - DH too, although he is shit at it, he offers to make it, then gets caught up doing something, and finally switches on the kettle an hour later, in which time people have usually got fed up of waiting, and made their own grin

He does it at home, too...I think it's deliberate hmm

digerd Tue 19-Mar-13 19:20:16

Finn
How embarrassing face. I read that grown men think about sex every 20 minutes. Not being male I am glad in that respect I am not .

FinnTheHuman Tue 19-Mar-13 19:04:46

My favourite DH story of parents interfering on behalf of their children was when he had to explain to a mum why their son had been sacked for gross misconduct. She had come in to demand an explanation as her son was not forthcoming with the reason.

DH had to have the mortifying conversation with her explaining that her son had been caught wanking in the toilets. Which is never really encouraged in the food preparation industry.

For me, it was the fact that the OP said that her son was part of a group who were mucking around, and the MDA shouted at them - so it seems likely to be an "Oi, you lot - stop that!", in the context of a busy, noisy playground - and that doesn't seem like a terribly big deal to me.

cory Tue 19-Mar-13 17:53:05

Even where a 6yo is concerned I think there is some kind of middle ground between not listening to his concerns and insisting that the school should keep a full record of every act of disciplining. Listening to dc, suggesting explanations for what has happened at school, teaching them how to deal with the experience- has anyone banned those yet?

SugarPasteGreyhound Tue 19-Mar-13 17:45:45

Or perhaps OP decided - after many posts telling her that she was over-reacting - that SWBU?

The graduate angle came about I think, as an example of where PFB type parenting can lead.

Incidentally, everyone in my dept gets the coffees in - including the head of who is my boss' boss! The point is that everyone takes a turn.

LaQueen Tue 19-Mar-13 16:07:52

"Blimey how did we arrive from a world where children being belted or caned were too scared to tell their parents in case they got into trouble twice, to a world where a dinner lady has to justify herself to a parent every time she needs to scold a child in the playground?"

Feck me, if I know Fell, and I'm frankly still at a loss as to why who makes my DH's coffee at work, came to be of such fascinating interesting, and worthy of such in-depth scrutiny...hmm

Because, truth be told, I find it a vair boring subject, and I'm married to the bloke... wink

Sparklyboots Tue 19-Mar-13 15:37:59

Well, I think the OP left when her concern about her crying six year old was treated with scorn and her concern for him was compared with the kind of anxious overbearing parenting that posters associate with 'entitled' graduates in junior roles.

OnwardBound Tue 19-Mar-13 15:21:13

Oh obviously STDG there is no excuse for parents ringing the employers of their 20 odd year old offspring!

But that's sort of my point, how did the thread move from being about the concerned Mum of a crying 6 year old (whether you agree with OP or not) to being about adult children being babied by their parents?

I really don't believe that by taking a 6 year old's upset seriously you are spoiling them irredeemably. Doesn't mean that you have to do much about it necessarily dependent on child's general temperament and severity of incidence. But I do think every child deserves to be listened to and believe they can go to their parents with their upset and concerns. Not be automatically dismissed and belittled because the teacher is probably right and there's no point in causing a fuss really hmm

Some people on this thread sound practically Victorian in their parenting attitudes!

No - there is a huge difference between a concerned parent listening to their child, and one who,is ringing up an employer to say that they should be letting that child have unearned holiday, or letting that child grow up thinking that they are too good for certain jobs in the workplace.

My boys know I love them, and am here for them, and if, for example, school were punishing them for something someone else had done, I would be advocating for them. But if they haven't handed in their homework, or if they have done something stupid (like dropping their backpack down a stairwell, just missing braising a teacher), then I will be behind the school 100%. And when ds1 gets his law degree, and gets his first job, I will tell him that he has to start at the bottom, and that he should be prepared to do whatever he is asked to do, with a good grace.

exoticfruits Tue 19-Mar-13 14:19:10

And meanwhile OP never comes back to say what she thinks, or give an update, so we all chunter on happily with our experiences of 'entitled' young people or the occasional variation where some one says how horrid we all are!

exoticfruits Tue 19-Mar-13 14:16:41

You have it summarised perfectly, OnwardBound-I would say typical MN reasoning-and the thing that makes it such a joy! wink

OnwardBound Tue 19-Mar-13 13:47:16

Maybe, maybe not exoticfruits

I'm not sure how this thread turned from being about an upset 6 year old to focusing on the youth of today being feckless and unemployable.

Apparently due to having their worries and concerns listened to by a caring parent.

No really, they should just be grateful that the belt is now illegal and anything else you just put up and shut up.

Otherwise they will end up thinking they are above making coffee for LaQueens DH or something like that.

exoticfruits Tue 19-Mar-13 10:40:58

Blimey how did we arrive from a world where children being belted or caned were too scared to tell their parents in case they got into trouble twice, to a world where a dinner lady has to justify herself to a parent every time she needs to scold a child in the playground?

It makes for the sheer addictive power of MN.
Where else could you get it? grin Certainly not in RL where people would dismiss it in a sentence-not spend days commenting on it. I expect it is long forgotten by OP's DC.

TheRealFellatio Tue 19-Mar-13 08:41:06

Blimey how did we arrive from a world where children being belted or caned were too scared to tell their parents in case they got into trouble twice, to a world where a dinner lady has to justify herself to a parent every time she needs to scold a child in the playground? confused

BegoniaBampot Tue 19-Mar-13 08:17:01

Got the belt at 10yrs for passing a note. Never told my parents, was too terrified to as I might have got a smack or a belt from them too.

BegoniaBampot Tue 19-Mar-13 08:15:21

Yip, if you told your parents you were in trouble, you got it at home as well, you learned to keep quiet about lots of things. The teachers could belt or discipline you at will, no notes home to parents, it was all kept withing the school - not really ideal either.

Knowsabitabouteducation Tue 19-Mar-13 06:56:46

Why do children nowadays tell their parents the minutiae of their school day?

When I was a child, if I told my mother about being disciplined at school, i'd get the same treatment all over again at home.

Iggly Tue 19-Mar-13 06:51:57

Gosh what a load of horrid responses.

FullOfWoe Tue 19-Mar-13 06:49:36

MDA here, it's a very difficult job, for the lowest pay you could ever imagine. I strive to treat all the children as I would want my own treated. Sometimes that includes a telling off if they have been silly.

MoYerBoat Tue 19-Mar-13 06:43:05

OP - forgot to say YANBU

Thumbwitch Tue 19-Mar-13 06:30:15

<<completely ignores OP>>

I think the problem with graduates starts probably at school but it's perpetuated by the universities - the amount of handholding that they're offered can be quite ridiculous! I used to work for a college and we had to produce all this paperwork for them so they knew EXACTLY what was expected of them, including guidelines on how to do their assessments hmm - thinking for themselves wasn't a top priority, clearly! And we had a few of the "we pay for this, we expect you to tell us how to achieve the best marks" types - usually they didn't last the distance though. <phew>

You don't have to be a graduate to be a workshy entitled teen though - DH was a team leader in a popular supermarket for a while and he had one 17yo on his team who seriously CBA to do anything for her pay, she just wanted to stand around and fiddle with her hair, or chat to her friends when they came in - actually doing anything such as stocking shelves or tending to customers was, like, so beneath her. hmm

I also remember on one of my work placements during my degree that making tea for everyone was one of my jobs. Actually there were 3 of us students doing the placement, and we took it in turns - but we made tea for EVERYONE in the place, at a set time morning and afternoon, because we had a set tea break.
You didn't whinge about it, you just got on and did it! All part of learning how to interact in a work environment, IMO.

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