To find it annoying when people tell me I'm lucky to have well behaved children?

(288 Posts)
alisunshine29 Fri 15-Mar-13 12:08:26

My eldest is 5.5 years old and youngest has just turned 9 months. Today we walked to school then I took youngest DD to a baby/music group. On the way to school we saw eldest DDs mum drive past, DDs friend was hitting her mum while she was driving and she was struggling to fend her off. We caught up with them at the car park and the mum was talking to her child as though it had never happened (I wasn't mistaken - they'd stopped in traffic so could clearly see) and 2 mins later her daughter started having a tantrum about taking a toy to school and slapped her 2 year old brother in anger. The mum barely reacted and in the end let her take it and left it for the teacher to take away and deal with the consequences. Younger brother was trying to climb out of pushchair so mum passed him her iPhone with a tv show on to keep him still and he threw it in the road! Mum just smacked him and retrieved it. After the eldest children had gone in to school, she excused her daughters behaviour by saying that she's tired because she went to sleep fifteen mins late last night and had to walk from the car park - it's about 300 metres!! She asked where I was parked and I said I'd walked from home, she was amazed as its almost two miles away. She then commented on how lucky I am elder DD is so well behaved and can cope with the walk.
At baby group, it was chaos as they have organised music activities where parents and kids sit in a circle and do actions etc. The leader specifically asked children are not allowed to run riot like last week, when some damage to the building was caused and pointed out a separate room where those not wanting to join in could go for a chat and cup of tea. Still, mums let their babies crawl/toddle everywhere, older toddlers were running around and pulling notices off the wall leaving pins on the floor etc. Their mums either ignored them or tried to pin them still on their lap. Again, a mum commented that I'm lucky that my daughter is well behaved.
Of course my youngest is only tiny and has no rules as such, but if she wasn't interested in the music group I'd have gone in the other room and kept her happy/occupied. I'm quite strict and very consistent with my eldest DD hence the reason I believe her to be well behaved - it is not luck. Special needs excluding, I think it is inexcusable for a child to hit a parent like DDs friend was this morning - particularly while she's driving, it's dangerous for everyone. To not do anything about it I believe is the mum neglecting her duty to her daughter. Her DD was going crazy in the school foyer about the teacher trying to remove her toy and her mum just shrugged and left them to it like its normal. AIBU to be annoyed when people say I'm lucky to have well behaved children?

moogy1a Fri 15-Mar-13 12:11:07

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Trills Fri 15-Mar-13 12:13:14

AIBU to be annoyed when people say I'm lucky to have well behaved children?

YABU

There is always an element of luck.

Luck and work are both needed.

So you are lucky.

notnow2 Fri 15-Mar-13 12:13:25

How smug

alisunshine29 Fri 15-Mar-13 12:14:10

Oh my goodness, it is not smug to say anything remotely positive about yourself/your child!

HerbyVore Fri 15-Mar-13 12:14:48

Smugtastic

cornypony Fri 15-Mar-13 12:14:51

You are clearly a better parent OP.

BabyMakesTheBellyGoRound Fri 15-Mar-13 12:15:07

Sometimes its luck of the draw. Dc1&2 are very well behaved,always were. DC3 is stubborn and loves nothing more than a bit of mischief.
So YABU to be so smug and holier than thou.

LadyBeagleEyes Fri 15-Mar-13 12:15:18

Wow Op, what moogy said.
The smuggest ever thread I've read on here recently.

HerbyVore Fri 15-Mar-13 12:16:39

It's not 'remotely positive' - you have criticised other people and said how your very hard work and strictness has resulted in your very well behaved children.

Enjoy the compliments - don't judge other people because they are struggling.

moogy1a Fri 15-Mar-13 12:16:56

Not really AIBU though, is it? should really be in a new "not very stealth slealth boasting" topic ( and that's coming from someone who has 2 beautifully behaved children/ and a teeny one who's too little to be beaten into submission yet)

Tubegirl Fri 15-Mar-13 12:17:01

Well, maybe not totally U but a little. You don't know the real circumstances, only what a very tired (and probably embarassed) mum told you. Children don't come with a manual and some parents are better at it than others. We all have different parenting styles and we all have days where it just goes horribly horribly wrong. I've had dd meltdown on me on more than one occasion. Tantrums are a fact of life. To be honest I think you come across as judgmental. I'm sat here wondering if the woman you described is ok or at home crying into her coffee.

notnow2 Fri 15-Mar-13 12:17:11

I am a shit parent - my 3 kids are more than a handful - they don't hit me but the 17 month wanders where she wants and doesn't listen and the 3 and 5 year old fight and bicker and make a load of noise and mess.

Callisto Fri 15-Mar-13 12:17:53

Why is it smug to state that one's parenting has had a positive impact on the behaviour of one's child? Some parent's are useless at dicipline and have appallingly badly behaved children. I'm good at dicipline and communicating with my DD and she behaves wel as a result. How is it smug to say that?

TarkaTheOtter Fri 15-Mar-13 12:18:23

Can't comment on your older dd as mine is still little but in the case of your 9 month old it is 100% luck.

chocoflump Fri 15-Mar-13 12:18:24

Well aren't you just the most perfect mother ever - what do you want, us to congratulate you for doing such a wonderful job?? hmm

moogy1a Fri 15-Mar-13 12:18:25

Did you see how I managed a bit of stealth boasting myself there?wink

shesariver Fri 15-Mar-13 12:19:05

Op you arent just saying something "remotely positive" about your child though are you - you are saying you are a better parent because your child is better behaved.

lynniep Fri 15-Mar-13 12:19:09

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notnow2 Fri 15-Mar-13 12:19:29

Tubegirl - exactly - the description of that other mother's behaviour sounds 'end of tether' like. Congrats on never being there because it ain't pretty.

Sleepthief Fri 15-Mar-13 12:20:04

But it is smug to be so critical of pretty much everyone around you (from your post) while so obviously pleased with yourself and your superior parenting skills.

My eldest is very well behaved and easy going, always has been. Middle child is mostly well behaved, but very single-minded, which can cause roblems at times. Youngest is a monkey. He is also 2, so I'm hoping he'll grow out of it a bit, but im under no illusions that he will be as easy to keep in line as the other two. All parented the same, just different personalities - so, yes, a lot of luck involved.

Tubegirl Fri 15-Mar-13 12:20:26

X posted with the rest but yes I have to agree with Moogy, Herb et al.

MotheringShites Fri 15-Mar-13 12:20:26

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WorraLiberty Fri 15-Mar-13 12:21:03

I totally get what you're saying OP...in the sense that some parents never punish their kids/always make excuses for them - and then wonder why they're at their wit's end with their behavior.

But having had 3 children, I can honestly tell you that there certainly is an element of luck involved. Some kids are much easier to discipline than others and you may well be a lot less smug when your baby is a bit older.

She could well turn into the most willful child you've ever had the horror to meet...and nothing at all like your eldest child.

So perhaps a little empathy for other parents and a little less smuggery?

I was a brilliantly behaved child, people always commented on it to my mum. I did really well at school and went to grammar school at 11. I was polite and never in trouble.
Then as a teenager I got drunk on white lightening in carparks and had sex with inappropriate men an women. grin
Good luck OP, fingers crossed your superior parenting will hold up forever.

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