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To not want my DC's friends visiting on weekend mornings unannounced?

(127 Posts)
Dragonwoman Sun 10-Mar-13 17:18:54

This morning, like many weekend mornings my doorbell went at 10.30 & next thing I knew I had 2 extra 8 year olds in my house.
I called DD1 upstairs & told her to tell them to leave. She knows I don't like people round when I'm not dressed. She thinks I'm being mean & DH also thinks I'm being a bit odd. In the end DD1 went out to the friends house instead.

Am I really that odd, bearing in mind that -
1) I work all week, so don't get much time in the house during the day.

2) I sleep in the raw, so does DH & we often nip across the landing in the nude to the bathroom. We don't have an ensuite. I don't want to come across other peoples kids when I'm in the nip thank-you!

3) We live on an estate & kids are calling all the time - if I don't put my foot down I will have extra kids all day every day weekends & holidays.

4) One of my DC will invariably wander into my room for something & then leave the door wide open. I don't want randoms on the landing who can see me lying in bed!

5) While other people may be up & dressed earlier than 10.30, in my own house on a day off I don't want to!

If it was a pre-arranged visit for something special of course I would get dressed, but as it is I think I am entitled to some privacy in my own home.

Dragonwoman Sun 10-Mar-13 17:48:03

Well - I'm not asleep at that time - I am aware that the door has been answered & can hear what's going on, so I don't think its unsafe - just annoying.
I tend to be sitting in bed chatting with DCs, reading or eating toast.

Heaven forbid I should not be up, showered & dressed early on a sunday!

Massive over reactions here.
Nothing wrong with a lie in, I'm just very jealous.

Could a compromise be that DD can let friends in but they stay downstairs until such times as everyone is up and dressed? My mum would never let my friends in the house and it made me very unpopular.

Hulababy Sun 10-Mar-13 17:59:51

Tell your DCs to not allow friends to come in without your permission.
TBH I wouldn't be letting the 8y answer the door when I am not up and about anyway.
Simple to solve though - teach your DC to say that they can't play just yet, maybe later.

Dragonwoman Sun 10-Mar-13 18:14:02

I have told her not to, but she thinks I'm mean! She is allowed friends in - but later. We usually have DCs friends in from lunchtime til about 7pm. I think that's enough TBH.

And they do have to be supervised as I have caught certain DCs ganging up on my toddler before now. He wants to be included & won't leave them alone & then cries if they won't let him join in. Or they pretend to let him join in & then tease him & make him miserable. So I have to supervise & be prepared to intervene. Its a massive PIA. I try to keep him occupied elsewhere, but it does mean other kids in the house makes things difficult.

KitchenandJumble Sun 10-Mar-13 18:20:22

Surely the issue is with your own DC, isn't it? Just tell them they aren't allowed to invite anyone in without your permission. You can't really blame other children for entering your house when they have been invited in.

ISeeSmallPeople Sun 10-Mar-13 18:20:47

We live somewhere like that.

1) I now have a lock on my bedroom door, & a dressing gown close to hand.
2) I turn off our doorbell. Lovely developers put in a 'light' switch for the doorbell so it has an off setting
3) I tell the eldest to tell cold calling children that they are not allowed in before 10am

If all else fails I come down the stairs with bed hair in my dressing gown & tell them to go away until it's after 10. the sight of me having just been woken up is enough to keep them away for a few weeks

thebody Sun 10-Mar-13 18:23:25

Set a time you are happy with to have children in your house at the weekend. That's fair.

Don't nip across the landing naked, this will traumatise your own Dcs let alone other random kids.

If your Dcs allow their friends to be mean to the toddler then that's your bigger battle. Totally unacceptable.

Sirzy Sun 10-Mar-13 18:24:25

To be fair you can't expect visiting children to entertain your toddler, it that is a problem then it again suggests that really you either shouldn't be in bed or you should set your toddler up playing in your bedroom.

seeker Sun 10-Mar-13 18:28:11

Nothing wrong with a lie in.

But why on earth can't your child have friends over? Why not say "downstairs only"? Or put some pyjamas on!

It's her house too.

livinginwonderland Sun 10-Mar-13 18:41:08

if you want privacy, shut your door. most 8 year olds don't want to see their parents wandering around naked to the bathroom, so get a dressing gown and wear it.

about the toddler issue, that shows that you shouldn't be lazing around in bed and should, instead, be entertaining your toddler. 8 year olds generally don't want to play with toddlers, especially toddlers that aren't related to them and who keep bothering them.

5madthings Sun 10-Mar-13 18:44:12

Children won't be traumatized by seeing their parents named, what a ridiculous statement!

5madthings Sun 10-Mar-13 18:44:24

'Naked'

5madthings Sun 10-Mar-13 18:46:40

And 8yr old shouldn't be winding up toddlers, relate or not.

When mine have friends round I try and keep the toddled out the way but it us their house as well so I won't always stop them going into the shared bedroom, etc.

They dont have to play with the toddler but they are not allowed to be mean to them either.

BlahBlahBlahhh Sun 10-Mar-13 19:48:33

I find it easier when my 2 have their friends round to play...means I can get on with things or chill out with a coffee without being harrassed as they are occupied. I've always got other people's kids over and I love having a house full of life ! My husband is a bit more like you...but I just think he's a boring old fart ! I work too but would feel lazy still being in bed at 10.30

fuzzysnout Sun 10-Mar-13 20:58:28

Sorry, but you are being lazy. Laying around in bed whilst your 8 yr old answers the door is not appropriate.

wigglesrock Sun 10-Mar-13 20:59:58

I think 10.30 is a little bit early for kids to call round on a weekend morning. My eldest isn't allowed to knock for her friends until 12 on a Sunday, they can play outside a bit earlier but not rap the door until then. Sometimes my almost 8 year old sees me naked shock, well if she will open doors without knocking.

ZZZenAgain Sun 10-Mar-13 21:04:02

if your dd has already been told they can come over after lunch, you'll have to reinforce it. lock the door tll you get up?

livinginwonderland Sun 10-Mar-13 21:07:47

They dont have to play with the toddler but they are not allowed to be mean to them either.

but that's what will happen when a group of 8 year olds are left with a probably annoying toddler without parental supervision :/

Dragonwoman Sun 10-Mar-13 21:23:37

I accept that the means to put a stop to it lies with me reinforcing the rules. Which I do but my DC thinks I'm sooo mean.

And yes it isn't acceptable to lay in bed while children upset my toddler. Which is why I don't let them in if I'm not prepared to supervise. My own DC generally play nicely with the toddler or he comes into my room to talk to me but visiting DCs completely upset the balance.

As for it being the DCs house too, well yes, but that doesn't mean you don't have to be considerate when inviting guests. It's my DHs house also but he wouldn't invite friends round if I wasn't dressed, nor would I if he wasn't up.

5madthings Sun 10-Mar-13 21:23:54

Really my ds3 is 8 and he and his friends know to either play nicely or if toddler is being annoying they call for/come and get me.

Dragonwoman Sun 10-Mar-13 21:28:02

Not sure why it would traumatize my DC to catch a glimpse of me naked. I'm not that out of shape! grin
Doesn't happen often anyway usually I put my dressing gown on.

I'm actually quite surprised that not many other people have lazy Sunday mornings reading in bed. It's only once a fortnight or so I get to do it. DCs have activities on a Saturday morning that we have to get up for.

SmiteYouWithThunderbolts Sun 10-Mar-13 21:32:30

YANBU, I have precisely the same issue with 8yo ds and one of his friends on our street. Friend tends to start calling around 9am at which time I am up, but still in pyjamas, braless, unshowered and generally ogre-like. I like to be presentable if people are going to come round, even if "people" is the neighbourhood kids!

And IMO 8yo is a perfectly acceptable age to be up before parents & answering the door if they can see it's a friend calling!

InNeedOfBrandy Sun 10-Mar-13 21:34:49

I always have lazy sunday mornings and have an after lunch time rule. I usually get up between half 10 and 11 where as in the week it's 6AM and on a saterday it's still early or we'd never leave the house and do anything.

I lock the door and keep the keys in my bedroom so any of their friends that knock (even though they all know my rule) have to communicate through the letter box.

StinkyElfCheese Sun 10-Mar-13 21:35:42

1030 you lucky they start at 9 round here then every 10 minutes or so another fecker knocks on the door thease kids are 5-6

ScottyDoc Sun 10-Mar-13 21:42:02

Yanbu And to the posters who are calling the OP 'lazy'I am very sure you are jealous that she can have a lie in, which she is damn well entitled to, and that you are just looking for something shitty to say. Happens a lot here on mumsnet unfortunately hmm

Enjoy your days off and set the rules for your kids. They are old enough by far to be up and about without you running around after them in the morning. although some competitive helicopter mummies on here wouldnt dream of letting a ten year old make their own toast yet

Have a nice weekend without interruptions smile

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