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To ask who gets 'priority' on Mother's Day

(167 Posts)
Couldonlyhappentome Sat 09-Mar-13 14:13:01

In your house who gets 'their day'?

Is it you, your mum or your partners mum?

I am going to be driving around a lot tomorrow between my mum and dp's mum and won't get time on my own with the dc until we get home for their bedtime by which point ill be shattered and dreading work on Monday.

How will your day go?

KellyElly Mon 11-Mar-13 13:10:47

I don't have a partner (so no MIL), no relationship with my mum and DD is only three. I asked one thing of her, that she had to be nice and have no tantrums for the whole day grin and she did quite well. I invited my mate (who is also a lone parent round) and we had a nice roast (courtesy of M&S, not slaved over by me) and a few glasses of wine while the kids had pizza and watched films. It was lovely grin. I hope to enjoy breakfast in bed someday though!

Jelly15 Mon 11-Mar-13 13:02:19

My mum. A quick visit to MIL (before she died) then take my mum to lunch. MIL has a big family and would rather spend it with her DD.

WoTmania Mon 11-Mar-13 10:54:33
CoffeeChocolateWine Sun 10-Mar-13 19:11:38

abbyfromoz It was really out of order wasn't it?! I was fuming about it! DH simply wrote back saying that my Mother's Day was equally as important as his mum's and he didn't need reminding about either. I think FIL was just worried because it was the first year that there were no kids living at home and for some reason thought that they'd all forget about Mother's Day and wanted to make sure it was still special. None of them forgot or would forget. It still annoys me though...every Mother's Day I remember what he said.

badguider Sun 10-Mar-13 18:46:59

People with small children get a lie in and breakfast in bed and a restful day.
mothers of adults / grandmothers get cards and/or flowers - as others have said they can relax any day.

FrankellyMyDearIDontGiveADamn Sun 10-Mar-13 18:42:07

My mother refuses to acknowledge Mother's Day for several reasons (not going to go into them here). Her opinion is that she'd much rather be surprised by a genuinely heartfelt present/card/phonecall than one that her children feel obliged to get.

Rie, with you all the way on the childless front sad

zukiecat Sun 10-Mar-13 18:27:49

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cjel Sun 10-Mar-13 17:21:05

I think that it isn't made by hallmark, it goes way back. I think I must be lucky in my family as we all like each other and find it an excuse in our busy lives to schedule a time to get together/ phone/ treat. We all seem to be grateful for whatever and have no expectations. This year is 1st since MinL died. My two kids are both working so haven't seem them or Dgcs. My mum has been busy so haven't seen her for 1st time in years. We have had cards, flowers, txts and phone calls and its all very relaxed.I think its a lovely day to show someone you care. Must be horrendous if there is pressure and demands and reminders of broken relationships. Also DD took me out for lunch on Friday.

cjel Sun 10-Mar-13 17:20:26

I think that it isn't made by hallmark, it goes way back. I think I must be lucky in my family as we all like each other and find it an excuse in our busy lives to schedule a time to get together/ phone/ treat. We all seem to be grateful for whatever and have no expectations. This year is 1st since MinL died. My two kids are both working so haven't seem them or Dgcs. My mum has been busy so haven't seen her for 1st time in years. We have had cards, flowers, txts and phone calls and its all very relaxed.I think its a lovely day to show someone you care. Must be horrendous if there is pressure and demands and reminders of broken relationships.

Horsemad Sun 10-Mar-13 16:38:01

Hmmmph, outrageous, I've just had to make my own cup of coffee shock

DH is watching rugby, DS1 is revising and DS2 is watching football.

abbyfromoz Sun 10-Mar-13 16:11:59

Coffeechocolatewine- what a cheek of your fil!! I hope your dh responded 'yes and as the MOTHER to our child- i feel obliged to offer my appreciation on behalf of what our child cannot express just yet... As i would hope you did for ours a.k.a your wife when we were small' grrr!

FakePlasticLobsters Sun 10-Mar-13 15:57:25

About a week before the day we get two phone calls in our house.

Mine, from my mum, is usually all about the usual things we talk about but at some point in it she will say "By the way, don't go wasting your money next week, I don't want anything. What are you doing, do you have plans?"

DH's call, from his parents, goes along the lines of "MIL is very upset this year, she wants this (insert gift request) and wants to know when you are coming to see her and how long you are staying, and can you do this as well, and also wants you to come on this day as well as the other day you planned to come, she's very upset so don't let her down..."

Mother's day for MIL this year also took place on Tuesday and on Saturday as well as today. Tuesday required a four hour visit from DH, Saturday was two and a half hours, today has needed four telephone calls (so far), a delivery of flowers, cards, a present DH was ordered to buy her and a bottle of wine. That's just from us, she has three other adult children, and she's still upset that DH hasn't been to see her today.

Mother's day for my mum involved an hour's visit yesterday, a quick trip to Tesco since we were in the car, a book and card (plus a quick telling off for me because she'd told me not to) and a phone call earlier just to say hello.

I've been quite lucky today, I got a card DS made at school, a box of chocolates and some flowers and DH cooked dinner. Now he's gone to bed for a bit so I'll be doing the washing up. I'd have been happy with just the card, but the rest has been lovely.

I wouldn't say anyone has had 'priority' as such, although MIL has demanded it. all week.

CoffeeChocolateWine Sun 10-Mar-13 15:46:38

Me! We call our respective parents and sent flowers/pressie but we very rarely see our mum's on Mother's Day. It's just a bit of fun for us though, not a big occasion.

But a few years ago, my FIL texted my DH to tell him to remember that it's Mother's day not Wife's day. I was really upset as I think it was only my first or second Mother's Day and was quite special to me. I was upset that my FIL seemed to think that my Mother's Day was less important than MIL.

Alibabaandthe40nappies Sun 10-Mar-13 15:42:32

We are too far from MIL to do a quick visit, DH sent her some flowers and a card and rang her earlier.

My parents are closer but we don't always see them - this year by coincidence they are staying with one of my brothers, so I sent flowers and a card and spoke to her earlier.

I got a lie in, a lovely picture and poem that DS1, 4.7, had done at school, some flowers and chocolates chosen by DS1, and a homemade card from DS1 and DS2 who is only 23 months but wanted to make one and managed to write the first letter of his name grin
DH is cooking the roast, but he does that most weeks so it is a fairly normal Sunday here.

I can't see the point of making it into a big thing. You can't be everywhere and the more drama you make the more people are going to feel disappointed.

merrymouse Sun 10-Mar-13 15:31:10

For me, it's not about 'being important', it's about getting a bonus day off when i dont make all the meals. Whether or not you need a day off will depend on your circumstances.

Hulababy Sun 10-Mar-13 15:26:44

This year we celebrated Mother's Day with my mum and DH's mum last weekend, with a meal out.

This weekend, me Dh and Dd have been away for the weekend and I received my card and gifts this morning at the hotel.

This year me for a change smile, after many years of my mil being the queen bee whilst i dealt with our dc all day!
Lovely this year, was treated to breakfast in bed, and some lovely gifts from my dc and i made my mum a lovely lunch & cake. Mil is on the backburner until tomorrow, which is the least that toxic woman deserves after her past, recent & current behaviour.

YoungDebbie Sun 10-Mar-13 13:45:55

Here's my tribute to my mum and my grandmothers - and my daughter too!

I think it will strike a cord with mums and daughters everywhere:

The Scent of a Mummy

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

LadyLech Sun 10-Mar-13 12:29:58

In my family, it is always the mother who is doing the active mothering who has their day, as it were. My mum had her day when I was small, and now it's my turn. When my daughters have their children it will be their turn.

Tbh, I think Mothering Sunday is more about the break, relaxing and letting people do the things for you (like making you breakfast etc), than it is about the presents. Why does my mum need that - she gets to do what she wants 365 days of the year! So yes, my mum gets a card and present (to show our appreciation of all the things she does for us, past and present) - this year my brother and I bought her a spa day. But the 'day' or the day off, is mine grin

clam Sun 10-Mar-13 12:25:17

zara1984 shock How horrible for you. sad

clam Sun 10-Mar-13 12:22:30

midnitescribbler: "It's a day created by greeting card companies to sell crap by making people feel guilty if they don't."

That's Father's Day you're thinking of! wink

Horsemad Sun 10-Mar-13 11:57:04

Tanith do you mind that?

ArielThePiraticalMermaid Sun 10-Mar-13 11:42:14

It's a bloody hard day for the terminally childless, I know that sad

Tanith Sun 10-Mar-13 11:40:32

My MIL does: she demands it.

My own mum gets a phone call. I get a card and chocolates before DH whisks the kids off to Granny's for the day sad

Snazzynewyear Sun 10-Mar-13 11:17:58

Actually the religious Mothering Sunday was 'somewhat hijacked by Christian writers who declared, on no evidence other than the word 'mother' that the day had originally been the day on which people went home to visit their 'mother' church'. From Steve Roud's The English Year, p.108. He says the secular custom of young people working away going home to see their family was 'already well established in the seventeenth century'. So while it may now be thought of as either a religious or a card company holiday, it wasn't either originally.

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