to think the health visitor this morning was a cheeky old bat?!

(115 Posts)
lumpybumps Fri 08-Mar-13 12:50:46

So my very lovely health visitor is off on maternity leave and I had a stand in this morning for DDs 6 month review. She was a total bitch to me. Here are some of the things she said-

'Two babies and your only 24? You have been busy, whats the rush?'

'Do both your children have the same father?'

She told me I should not have a dog- that babies and dogs are not a good mix and I should either keep him outside or 'get rid' of him. (FWIW dog is an 9 year old westie, who has grown up with kids since we got him when he was 8 weeks old. I would maybe understand if he was being boisterous but he was lying in his bed like a slob the whole time she was in'

I should not have a flat screen TV on a stand on the floor- they are extremely dangerous if toppled and it should be put on the wall immediately.

I am foolish for having a toybox and small childs chair infront of the window in living room as children might climb out the window, and she 'hopes to God I dont have my toddlers bed pushed against a window upstairs' Of course I dont!

When asking about 6 month old DD'S sleeping said recently she had been getting up a few times through the night crying but was easily settled with the dummy and stroking her head. She told me I need to let her cry it out, as by going to her and stroking her head and giving her attention I am 'rewarding' her for crying

AIBU in thinking she was really rude or am I just being over sensitive?

My DT's were 8 weeks prem and came out of hospital after 3 weeks - the day we got them home, still slightly stunned our HV came to see us. She was nice and friendly but when we got up to their room where they were asleep she immediately picked one up, cut off his wristband ("you must know which is which by now") and put him back in his cot, and then repeated the exercise with DT 2. We were less than impressed that she'd woken two snoozy babies who then proceeded to yell for ages - "oh dear, they don't seem very happy do they". Well no, and nor would I be if you'd woken me up.

I was so cross, and when she either turned up unannounced or missed appointments we requested a change - that was no problem and we had a lovely lovely HV who became our best friend for ages! We specifically asked for and got her for DS3.

As someone said earlier there are always great ones and crap ones in whatever field you work in, tis life. There's no need for rudeness, and she was probably totally unaware that you thought she was being rude. I'm not sure an official complaint is the thing, but you could certainly bring it to someone's attention.

Booyhoo Sat 09-Mar-13 10:57:30

i would have told her to leave at the first rude comment. she doesn't have a right to be in your home and she certainly has no right to be rude to you once in it. i would have told her to leave and then called the GP practice and told them what she did and that another HV was required to carry out DD's six month check.

my HV saw my DS4 in my bedroom....I was bed ridden for the first two weeks of his life. I also had a home birth so everyone just visited me in my bedroom...including the HV...it is quite possible ilovecolinfirth

SolomanDaisy Sat 09-Mar-13 10:38:56

I'd like to thank this health visitor, I hadn't realised how dangerous LCD TVs were. I've ordered the safety device someone linked to earlier in the thread!

lumpybumps Sat 09-Mar-13 09:56:40

Hi all, glad to see the majority of you are on my side! smile

I am in no way trying to say that I know better than the health professionals- however I do know my children better than anyone.

Nor am I slating the entire profession, my first sentence stated that I have a very lovely health visitor normally!

Her age has nothing to do with her being a good health visitor and whether I like her or not- when my son was younger and I was worried that he wasn't getting enough calcium I took him to the clinic and a young health visitor told me not to worry- just feed him plenty of kinder chocolate as it has added calcium hmm

SomethingOnce Sat 09-Mar-13 09:08:30

Misogynist, ageist name-calling - was that your way of marking International Women's Day? (Sorry, I couldn't help myself.)

Anyway, YANBU. HVs are a lottery; I've had a lovely one and one who really pissed me off when DD was tiny. I doubt what annoying HV said would have bothered me as much if I hadn't been post partum, but it comes with the territory so you'd think they'd have done a module at HV school on how to be sensitive.

Sorry you had to deal with a duff one!

ilovecolinfirth Sat 09-Mar-13 07:18:56

Wellslapmythigh...if you're going to use quotation marks, you should copy what I said, rather than put it in your words. A) I didn't make a spelling mistake, b) I didn't say all babies learn to roll off beds. My children haven't learnt how to roll off beds!!

True common sense is putting a baby on the floor, if you're concerned about toddlers, move them away.

And I still do not understand how the HV saw you put your baby on the bed. My HV certainly doesn't follow me around the house and would never expect to be in my bedroom. Hmmmmm, pure HV bashing at its best!

MagzFarqharson Sat 09-Mar-13 00:01:54

Most of them are know-it-all, gossiping, power-crazed twats. They think they've got the same powers as HM Customs and Excise ffs. How do I know? I have to work with them and have to listen to them talking about clients when they come back from visits. There's a few (a few) lovely ones but in general they're overpaid nosey parkers who think they have the right to speak to people in any way they like. (Can you tell I love my job?)

Madratlady Fri 08-Mar-13 23:46:04

You should definitely make a complaint. At the very least she is incredibly tactless.

I think part of the problem with HVs is that a lot of them are older and trained a long time ago and then not kept up to date with changing advice. If they then do everything 'by the book' and fail to respect the experience of the mums they work with I can see how some of them can be terrible.

I am hoping to do my health visitor training in a year or so and I sincerely hope I would never forget that many mums have done it all before and that all mums and babies are different!

BerthaKitt Fri 08-Mar-13 23:08:23

LadyBeagleEyes do you mean they are passé?

My HVs have not been very useful tbh. OP she does sound rude.

Fut they do home visits at 6 months in my area.

LadyPessaryPam Fri 08-Mar-13 22:54:56

dense not sense FFS!

LadyPessaryPam Fri 08-Mar-13 22:48:28

Probably being sense, sorry. sad

LadyPessaryPam Fri 08-Mar-13 22:36:50

LadyBeagleEyes sorry don't follow?

LadyBeagleEyes Fri 08-Mar-13 22:31:39

It seems that HV's are now de rigeur (sp) now we have MN where everybody's an expert.hmm.

kerstina Fri 08-Mar-13 22:30:32

sorry a f** ...

LadyPessaryPam Fri 08-Mar-13 22:29:22

Old bat here. never found my HV back in the dark ages any help at all. So smile and ignore.

kerstina Fri 08-Mar-13 22:29:08

YANBU at all!! I am also surprised you are being pulled up of your choice of words. I think you were very polite. I think I would have called her an f**** rude old bat grin

bumperella Fri 08-Mar-13 22:25:33

Huh. my HV told me off for putting DD on the floor (on a rug) in case "someone stepped on her". There was only me and HV in the house at the time, both of us perfectly able (physically, sight-wise, not drunk/stoned, etc), and it was bright daylight. HV generally have decent advice. But am sure like everyone else they sometimes say daft things.

As to what this particular HV said to you:
I dn't understand why your age is relevant - if you'd conceived DC2 a few weeks after the birth of DC1 then maybe someone pointing out that this isn't best health-wise would be OK.
The "same father" question may well be for medical history (but my HV was keen to emphasise that she wasn't a GP/nurse so she couldn't help with proper medical conditions) but sounds like was badly put, at best.
I think is unwise to completely trust dogs around children (and vice-versa) but a bit of common sense supervision sorts that out.
Children climbing out of windows depends on the type of window etc, but most toddlers become horribly capable of moving child-sized chairs to become "useful" step-ladders so am not sure that keeping living room windows clear of toy-boxes is a long term fix.
The crying at night thing - that's a whole other can of worms, everyone has an opinion. Personally leaving to cry isn't my style, but possibly becuase one of my DD's few skills is being able to sleep well!

cityangel Fri 08-Mar-13 21:24:48

they are all complete ***es & if not that's because they haven't learnt it from the older ones yet. I was lucky enough that child 4 was thriving so this time round we escaped these hypocritical always late women who have too much power and no training.

Put it in writing your complaint copy the PCT, GP, midwifes you originally dealt with & anyone who can expose/ shame them.

Ask yourself if you can avoid having them near you and your child (ask a couple of family members to help with advice instead?) if yes avoid like the plague. They screw up heal prick tests, basic advice, weighing jabs & get paid to do it ********

Tubegirl Fri 08-Mar-13 21:07:47

grin Pagwatch

Redbindy Fri 08-Mar-13 21:04:48

Get rid of her. You obviously know so such more than the professionals, I'm surprised that you agreed to have any dealings with them in the first place.

idiot55 Fri 08-Mar-13 20:58:41

completly get why your upset, she sounds like a right nosey old bat to me!!

I would try to forget about it and hope you dont come across her agin, she might be retiring soon with any luck

Pagwatch Fri 08-Mar-13 20:41:31

At least if he had fallen you could have posted in Gifted and Talented. So not all bad.

WellSlapMyThighAndCallMeNancy Fri 08-Mar-13 20:36:05

"They'll learn to roll of the bed at sometime, best not get into the habit." No shit sherlock. smile

The thing is though, luckily for me I have common sense. When I referred back to this sense, I asked it - will my 7 day old baby learn to roll 3 foot in the next 1.5 minutes? And my common sense gave me the answer of no.

Pagwatch Fri 08-Mar-13 20:27:24

It might be. I can't remember. grin

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