to think 'well I'm sure she provoked him' is a wildly inappropriate thing to say about my 8yo DD being THROTTLED at school?

(147 Posts)
Reality Fri 08-Mar-13 09:58:49

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Reality Fri 08-Mar-13 10:02:28

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

raspberryroop Fri 08-Mar-13 10:02:48

Victim Blaming is just covering up bulling - complaint in writing and meeting with Head - what is their bulling policy? If not happy letter to governors

CloudsAndTrees Fri 08-Mar-13 10:10:30

I would call the school now and let them know that you will be coming in at the end of today to find out what the outcome was from their discussions with X, and to find out what is going to be done in the future to protect all children from physical harm.

When you phone, ask them to email you a copy of the schools behaviour policy and their bullying policy, as you would like to know what sort of thing you can expect to be said at your meeting later.

HeathRobinson Fri 08-Mar-13 10:13:21

How awful.
I wonder if you took photos, in case this bullying escalates?

What have school told you about how they intend to keep dd safe? Could they move one or both boys to a different class?

Reality Fri 08-Mar-13 10:17:36

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Reality Fri 08-Mar-13 10:18:47

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BabyMakesTheBellyGoRound Fri 08-Mar-13 10:19:11

That is awful,your poor dd. Hope the school sorts it.

OxfordBags Fri 08-Mar-13 10:19:44

This is disgraceful victim blaming. The only way your daughter could have any culpability is if she forced the boy to put his hand round her throat, held them there then demanded he squeezed. It is absolutely disgraceful, and, moreover, if children at her school keep getting the message that victims provoke their bad treatment, then they are teaching them very dangerous things about future adult relationships. You really need to go in there hard. Any bullying is unacceptable, but throttling could've killed her! How far will they allow things to go whilst trying to blame her?!

I would take her out of that school. It isn't meeting her needs, they aren't even keeping her safe. How, in a classrooom, does something escalate to THROTTLING without teacher awareness? I can't believe they didn't hangon to X and ask his parents in so they could discuss this ASSAULT right there and then.

Andro Fri 08-Mar-13 10:20:21

Inappropriate is not the term I would use, absolutely disgraceful to the point of implied negligence with regard to a child's safety OTOH...

If yo don't get any help from the class teacher, take it further up the line. I hope the gets sorted.

gordyslovesheep Fri 08-Mar-13 10:21:03

that is a disgrace - you need to document the injuries and then write a very calm letter to the head - CC the governors, outlining what happened, saying they have failed in their duty of care to your daughter and ask for a meeting to discuss it

My dd 1 was excluded for 3 days for having a tussle with another child - just a bit of pushing nothing major - throttling should be treated as a serious incident and the child dealt with

I am sorry your DD had this done to her - blaming her is awful

SarkyPants Fri 08-Mar-13 10:21:53

As well as making sure that the incident itself is dealt with, you need to make an offical complaint to the head about what the teacher said.
Keep these as two separate issues, and make it clear to the head that you wish to complain about the latter.

Don't let them fob you off with just investigating the incident itself. It is just as important that they respond to incidents like this appropriately and not just be dismissive and blame the victim.

Yakshemash Fri 08-Mar-13 10:21:58

I'd be going to the police. If the school can't keep your DD safe from physical harm then they need their asses kicked, big time.

She could have been killed.

Reality Fri 08-Mar-13 10:23:42

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CloudsAndTrees Fri 08-Mar-13 10:27:15

If they are going to phone, then that's good because they know its serious, but it can make it harder for you to be fully prepared for the conversation because you don't know when it's coming. As you look through the behaviour policy, write notes of things you think it's particularly important that they adhere to so that you can be clear over the phone, and jot down anything else you want to make sure you say or ask.

They are not obliged to tell you exactly what punishment has been given, but they can tell you whether or not it adheres to their policy.

Tailtwister Fri 08-Mar-13 10:31:15

Well, I think the reaction of the staff was extremely poor given the circumstances. Throttling someone is indeed extremely serious and could have resulted in a nasty injury. As for blaming your DD! What a ridiculous thing to say!

I would make an official complaint, about the incident itself and the way it was handled/comment made by the teacher.

I don't know the rules about how they deal with the other child. Did they name which child was responsible? Often the rules seem to land on the side of the child responsible rather than the victim.

Tailtwister Fri 08-Mar-13 10:33:30

If I were you OP, I would request a face to face meeting. Clouds is right, a telephone conversation doesn't put you in the strongest position. Whatever happens, please follow clouds advice regarding preparation. Make notes and if possible have someone with you so you don't miss anything.

Flobbadobs Fri 08-Mar-13 10:35:29

I wouldn't trust the teacher to be supportive in this case as she seems to have made up her mind it was your Dd's fault. I would go straight to the HT and the governors.
YANBU.

HumphreyCobbler Fri 08-Mar-13 10:37:18

Good lord, a Y4 child throttled her? They are old enough to know better.

The teacher's response would have made me livid too. I would go back in and discuss it with the HT.

Reality Fri 08-Mar-13 10:39:48

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Oh Reality, your poor beautiful DD. sad

The school needs to step up here. YOU need people on your side when it comes to assessments and they obviously aren't.

ihatethecold Fri 08-Mar-13 10:44:08

When my son was in yr5 he was getting bullied by a group of boys.
It was not being dealt with properly so we got a copy of the bullying procedure for the school, read it, then quoted parts of it during our meeting with the head teacher.
The problems were dealt with immediately.
We showed the school that we would not be fobbed off and would take things further if necessary.

You have to be the voice for your child.
I think how they dealt with your dd is disgraceful.

AvonCallingBarksdale Fri 08-Mar-13 10:45:25

That's really depressing, suggesting she's somehow to blame. Way to go on the whole victim blaming cycle hmm. Totally unacceptable from the teacher, I'd say. Just out of interest, what is PDA - not heard that acronym before? Also, no way should you be hearing about problems that have occured throughout the year at the last parents evening!

ReallyTired Fri 08-Mar-13 10:49:05

The teacher is right. It is very rare when incidences like this to have one completely angelic child and one demonic child. A good school will get a senior teacher to talk to both children to get to the bottom of what happened. Both sets of parents need seperate face to face meetings with senior management about the incident. Sensible parents will give the school a chance to resolve the incident between both children.

Throtting is extreme and it seriously makes you wonder what the supervision of the children is like. That is not normal playground fighting. However I would be surprised if there was no provokation from your daughter. Children don't normally lose their temper in that way for no reason.

However there is often blame on both sides when children are in fights or get assulted. Girls can be extremely bitchy and need to be made aware that words hurt. If a girl makes a truely spiteful comment then she is not without blame if she gets assaulted. It is important for the "victim" who has wound up the "aggressor" to realise that they are partly to blame.

Violence is never acceptable, however violence is not the only unacceptable form of behaviour or bullying.

The OP needs to realise that her daughter may have been economical with the truth. Invariably there are often two sides to any dispute.

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