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AIBU?

To be cross with my Dad for calling daughter "horrid little girl"

43 replies

DorsetLass · 07/03/2013 15:56

Parents have been down to stay - had to leave daughter with my father for no more than 10 mins this afternoon - ba time as post school /tired/generally grot time of day - and she was being quite foul. On my way back in I heard my father calling her a horrid little girl - am really upset (but he was being quite badley behaved for him). Unreasonable reaction to be upset???

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pictish · 07/03/2013 15:57

How is he with her normally? Has he form for being unpleasant?

HeySoulSister · 07/03/2013 15:58

Unreasonable to dwell on it I'd say!

emsyj · 07/03/2013 15:58

YANBU. I would be livid. You don't tell children this sort of thing - it's the kind of thing they absorb and remember IMO.

Pandemoniaa · 07/03/2013 15:59

Always better to say that you dislike the behaviour that's being shown, not the child who is showing it. But maybe this was a one-off? I'd not be pleased either but equally, "livid" would be taking it too far.

DorsetLass · 07/03/2013 15:59

He's normally very good - but then so is she!!

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JackieTheFart · 07/03/2013 16:00

How old is she? If she's three then YANBU. If she's 8 then she will be fully aware her behaviour was foul and tbh I am of the opinion that this should be brought to the attention of the child.

badguider · 07/03/2013 16:00

I know it sounds subtle but i think there's a bit difference between 'you ARE a horrid little girl' and 'you are BEING a horrid little girl'.
The first is a comment on her entire personality, the second on her behaviour at the time.
If it was said in the spirit of the second then i wouldn't be too upset, if it was in the spirit of the first i'd would be.
And, it depends what happened next, would she apologise for her behaviour? and if she did, would your df apologise for calling her horrid?

jungletoes · 07/03/2013 16:02

I remember my mil telling my dd "I don't like you today" as dd was reluctant to share a pram(her special toy at that time), with her 3rd cousin. I never said anything at the time but wish I had. She was 3.

vix206 · 07/03/2013 16:03

Sorry but I would be very upset about this. As someone else has said 'you are horrid' is totally different to 'you are being horrid'. Especially as you say she's usually no trouble - things like that can really sting.

pictish · 07/03/2013 16:04

Well there you go. If it's highly unusual for him, then it probably doesn't indicate any real malice.

vix206 · 07/03/2013 16:05

And yes things like this are absorbed. I am 35 and still remember how hurt I was the one time my mum called me a 'stupid, stupid girl' in the heat of the moment.

WhatsTheBuzz · 07/03/2013 16:09

how old is she?

NotTreadingGrapes · 07/03/2013 16:10

You said yourself she was being foul.

Maybe if more badly behaved kids were told off there would be less bad behaviour.

Cassarick · 07/03/2013 16:12

I'm with nottreadinggrapes ^

DorsetLass · 07/03/2013 16:13

She's 3.5 x

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thezebrawearspurple · 07/03/2013 16:13

What's wrong with telling a child that their behaviour is horrid? Kids need to know when they are being horrible and they need to be told exactly what their behaviour is!

Branleuse · 07/03/2013 16:14

ive said it to my kids when theyre being foul.

I wouldnt be over the moon about it, but if she was being horrid, id just forget it and move on.

KellyElly · 07/03/2013 16:15

If it's a one off I would be annoyed but move on. People snap and say things they don't mean and children need to realise this as part of growing up. I do think he should say sorry for saying that and she should say sorry for being naughty, then a big hug and forget it.

UnrequitedSkink · 07/03/2013 16:17

I remember being told off in similar fashion by my mum as a small child. I think I was being a brat. It stung a bit at the time but it taught me a lesson, and probably did me a favour long term. My relationship with my mum is wonderful by the way! Sometimes children should be brought to book, they aren't always angels and need to know when their behaviour is socially unacceptable.

atthewelles · 07/03/2013 16:17

I try to always criticise the behaviour as opposed to the child ie that's very bold as opposed to you're very bold.
I try to but sometimes, when a child is driving you up the walls, you just forget. It's not the end of the world. I wouldn't dwell on it.

BigBoobiedBertha · 07/03/2013 16:20

Well, I can see where you are coming from but I would let it go.

I disagree that being called a 'horrid little girl' once will be remembered for life. If it is generally a happy and loving relationship then it will be forgotten easily. It will be remembered if it is repeated and starts setting the tone of their relationship. Hopefully it is a one off. I would let it go but if it happens again I would say something then.

pansyflimflam · 07/03/2013 16:23

Oh God, you are really over reacting. Please get a grip and move on as I am sure your daughter has.

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Rosa · 07/03/2013 16:26

I have told my dd she is horrible ( and she has been) and that she knows how to be nice....If she was being foul then it was probably well deserved .especially if your father is normally great with her.

DorsetLass · 07/03/2013 16:29

Thank you pansyflimlflam - probably just what I need to hear! Its funny how when it comes to your children odd events can provoke such a strong emotional reaction. I am not an emotional or over reactive person in any way - so was quite surprised at my slight loss of emotional stability!!!

OP posts:

alemci · 07/03/2013 16:32

Perhaps she needed telling and she was being what he said she was. Let it go.

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