I'm probably being entitled/unreasonabl e, but should the teacher wait on my child?

(1000 Posts)
WhenIsBedtime Wed 06-Mar-13 09:59:01

My child has high functioning autism. Attends a mainstream school. Her issues are very mild. No need for an assistant or anything.

The way it works in the school yard each morning is this:

Bell goes at 9am.
All children run to their class marks and line up.
Class teachers come out, and guide them into the building, starting with the youngest to the oldest class.

My child is in the youngest class.

Perhaps once or twice a week, we're a few minutes late. The bell has already gone and her class has lined up by the time we reach the yard. However, we're never so late that her class has already gone inside by the time we arrive. We can always see them.

The entrance gate is at the other end of the huge yard from where the children line up.

On our late days, as we arrive at the gate, the teacher has already came out. He can see my dd running towards the line, but he decides to take the class inside anyway, without waiting on her.

By the time my (very slow) daughter reaches the place her class lines up, they are already inside the building, and the other classes are going inside.

My daughter then gets really upset as she doesn't understand it's okay to go through the door without her own teacher or class. She doesn't understand she should just run ahead of the next class going in, or even join their line instead. Parents aren't normally allowed in the yard. But when this happens, i run in to her and try and convince her to go into the building. But she says "No, I'm waiting on Mr Teacher and my class."

The teacher from an older class then takes her inside for me instead.

I realise such upset/confusion for my child wouldn't happen if i was there with her before 9am every day, but lateness does happen. And other children usually run into the yard up to five minutes late, behind us, but they quite happily join on the back of another class's line. Whereas my daughter won't without a heck of a lot of protest and causing a scene.

Personally (and here's where i'm probably being unreasonable), I think dd's teacher should wait on her if he sees dd running towards him and her class in the yard. It takes no more than a minute for her to run across the yard from the gate.

Obviously, if we weren't at the gate by the time he came out to greet the class, or if we were very late, i wouldn't expect him to wait. But when he can see dd at the other end of the yard, why can't he just wait? Thus avoiding her getting upset and confused?

I've spoken to him about it before, and he says that because his class is the youngest, and goes inside first, if he was to wait, it would delay all the other classes, and it would mean he'd have to occupy his own class for an additional minute.

Just wanted to add, that the children never have to wait outside in adverse weather conditions. They're able to go straight into the building on these days, rather than line up outside and wait on a teacher.

I just don't get why he can't wait an extra minute on dd, yet it's okay for him to be several minutes late on occassion, leaving his class waiting outside, holding up the other classes.

Sorry for the ramble. I'm probably just being precious/unreasonable, but i'd appreciate some opinions.

FlowerTruck Wed 06-Mar-13 10:11:53

I agree with everyone else, you are being very entitled and unreasonable. I can't understand how your late once or twice A week. That's madness.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BadabingBadabong Wed 06-Mar-13 10:12:16

You can't guarantee you are going to be there before 9 .
Well yes actually you can. Don't aim for 9 aim for 8.45.
The issue isn't the teacher letting the line in, the issue is you.
You are letting you dd down on a regular basis.

TroublesomeEx Wed 06-Mar-13 10:12:45

X post - I see you have given some reasons related to ASD. But tbf, they are still your responsibility to manage.

Greensleeves Wed 06-Mar-13 10:12:48

She is holding other classes up because you have brought her too late to line up with her own class!

Seriously you have got to change your attitude. It isn't just one of those things. It's really important.

YABU.
What on earth 'just happens' once or twice a week to make you late?
If its that regular, it should be planned for confused

CalamityKate Wed 06-Mar-13 10:13:28

If you're really only ever a minute late, then getting up just five minutes earlier would leave you plenty of time. Five minutes!

aPseudonymToFoolHim Wed 06-Mar-13 10:13:32

If the teacher waited, you'd probably have 27 other parents writing: AIBU to be pissed off my child is delayed getting into school in the morning twice a week waiting for one child - especially as it's the SAME child every time.

YABU, I HATE waiting in the freezing yard for the bell to go. Any further delay would piss me right off.

Stropzilla Wed 06-Mar-13 10:13:37

I can see you'd be frustrated if the teacher could see you, and still took the class inside...BUT if he did it for you, he'd have to wait on every straggler and that isn't on. I get you can't predict your daughters behaviour every morning, however you do know that something is likely to happen. Plan for it, whatever it is. Have spare clothes ready, a routine. Mine likes to have 10 minutes to draw in the mornings, it chills her out and she likes to give her pictures to her teachers. It gives her a reason to want to be out the house, can you do something like that? You don't say how old she is, but I'm guessing primary? And she refuses to go to school? What's your response to that? I'm afraid mine wouldn't be any sort of discussion about it at all.

What you're saying is, that whatever time you get up, you can't be out the house by a certain time? Really?? Get up earlier. Sorry to sound unsympathetic but you need a real routine from the sounds of it. Stop stressing your daughter out and trying to lay the blame elsewhere.

CadleCrap Wed 06-Mar-13 10:13:53

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

Greensleeves Wed 06-Mar-13 10:14:21

Even in the SN forum OP would be told to sort her shit out and get her child to school on time. Particularly because the child has ASD - that makes it an especially bad idea to be late.

MerryMarigold Wed 06-Mar-13 10:14:40

Is AIBU unanimous on this one for once wink?

FlowerTruck Wed 06-Mar-13 10:15:08

Imagine if the class had to wait for more than one child. It would be chaos. I wouldn't be happy about my dc having to wait for your child once or twice A week, every week, just because you can't get there on time.

WhenIsBedtime Wed 06-Mar-13 10:15:28

I do have a routine, thank you.

I get up at 5.30 each morning. Then get dd up anywhere between 6-7 depending how much sleep she has had the night before.

Breakfast, changed, teeth brushed, shoes on, out the door. We live a two minute walk from the school, but i try and leave at 8.40 every morning anyway.

But things happen i cannot plan for.

Some days she'll refuse to get dressed. She'll hide her shoes. She'll start screaming outside or try to run away. She'll spill her cereal down herself or in her hair.

If i got her up or myself up any earlier, we'd be zombies for the whole day, and i can't go to work with no sleep whatsoever, if you suggest i pull an all nighter and don't sleep at all.

We're never so late that all the children have already gone inside.

I can't think of an occassion where we've entered the yard and her class has already gone in. They are lined up.By the time my dd reaches them, they've gone in, and the next class is making their way inside.

MerryMarigold Wed 06-Mar-13 10:15:29

Yes, Greensleeves but it may be done in a more constructive manner with some ideas of how to do it, not just a telling off.

Lizzabadger Wed 06-Mar-13 10:15:56

Heavens YABU! You expect the whole school to wait for you twice a week?!!

WorraLiberty Wed 06-Mar-13 10:16:11

You're late Perhaps once or twice a week?

Why would you keep doing that if it's upsetting your child so much?

I'm sorry but this is your problem to sort out. She's your child and if you're making her this upset so early on in her school life, it could have quite a detrimental effect on her.

Yes lateness happens, but it should happen rarely and not once or twice a week.

LoopDeLoops Wed 06-Mar-13 10:16:20

I thought this was going to be about teachers having to actually wait on, as in serve the children (believe me, I work in a private school, some parents...) Are you not in the UK perhaps?

Anyway. Uniform out the night before, breakfast in PJs might help?

MrsMushroom Wed 06-Mar-13 10:16:30

Is everyone LOVING being mean to the OP? All these "WOW" type responese and calling her a lazy arse.

Her DD has SN...yes the OP should get up earlier to give herself extra time to forestall any meldowns which children on the spectrum often have...but there's no need to pile on her like this!

asleb Wed 06-Mar-13 10:16:51

You really just need to aim to leave 15 mins earlier than you think you have to. If you are 15 minutes early to school then let your dd play while you wait. If it's that upsetting for her when you are late, then being early sometimes is a small price to pay? And then it will account for anything that might delay you getting out of the door.

I tell my children to get there coats and shoes on 10 minutes before we actually have to leave and then they sit and watch telly for 10 minutes. It might seem a bit strange but it means that when the time comes to walk out of the door, we just fly out! We're never late - you just need to try and be more organised. I know it's hard.

MrsMushroom Wed 06-Mar-13 10:17:17

Loop "Wait on" is used in Scotland and Ireland I beleive.

I wonder OP...can you not just escort your DD across the yard and usher her inside yourself?

MerryMarigold Wed 06-Mar-13 10:17:29

OP, I think what people are saying is that if you CAN get there when the classes are lined up, then we are talking a matter of 60 seconds or so earlier. So that can be done too. If your dd was really hard work, you would be very late, not 1 minute late. And that's the problem.

Lizzabadger Wed 06-Mar-13 10:17:44

If you're only ever a minute late then just start your whole routine a minute earlier, i.e. get up at 5:29 etc. Getting up one minute earlier won't make you a zombie.

BumpingFuglies Wed 06-Mar-13 10:18:04

Perhaps you need to rethink your morning routine OP? As others say aim for 15 minutes earlier, or even set your clocks fast. This works well for my lot.

Greensleeves Wed 06-Mar-13 10:18:07

If you are consistently able to to get her there while the kids are still in the playground then you can plan to leave at 8.35 instead and get her there in time to line up.

I know it's hard. I have one with ASD who is the king of fannying about in the morning. But you have to prioritise getting out through the door in time. Clean the cereal up later.

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