To only buy one present

(65 Posts)
theweeyin Tue 05-Mar-13 18:04:16

My friend has two children. The eldest is going to be 8 tomorrow and I'm going to pop round with her present & card tomorrow. My friend phoned me about an hour ago asking if i could also bring round a present for her youngest so she doesn't feel left out. I told her that I wouldn't as it's her birthday in April & I will give her a present then. Surely if my friend doesn't want her child to feel 'left out' it's up to her to do something about it? AIBU if I only buy a birthday present for the birthday girl?

FeckOffCup Tue 05-Mar-13 19:13:25

YANBU, your friend sounds a bit unhinged, who actually thinks it's acceptable to demand goods from someone and try to emotionally blackmail them when they don't pay out? She isn't doing her children any favours either, if she wants to buy the youngest a small unbirthday gift that's up to her but to get them to expect it from others is setting them up for a big disappointment.

PandaG Tue 05-Mar-13 19:15:31

my lovely Nana used to buy a tiny present for me and my DSis on each other's birthday - usually either a bottle of Matey bubblebath, or a bar of Cadburys chocolate. We knew it was just a little token and that was that. Nana usually gave us things on special occasions, not every week or month even, so my parents were happy for her to treat both of us a little on the other's special day.

That said, I would never buy a present for non birthday children on their sibling's birthday, apart perhaps for my neice and nephew. We rarely see them and only but for birthday, Christmas and Easter, so a magazine or a pot of bubbles or similar might get produced. I think the other mother is barking!

ENormaSnob Tue 05-Mar-13 19:48:40

Your friend is a cheeky fuck.

Truffkin Tue 05-Mar-13 19:50:24

YADNBU I'm practically speechless that anyone would consider it acceptable to request a present for their DC, let alone in these circumstances!

Floggingmolly Tue 05-Mar-13 19:50:26

Don't sit on the fence there, Norma grin

I don't bother buying for subsequent babies; I bring chocolate for the mother and something for the siblings grin

YANBU. Sharing your sibling's birthday means all the peripheral things (cake, sweets, handed down old toys).

EverybodysSootyEyed Tue 05-Mar-13 20:04:06

Totally the wrong way of doing things as it is such a good life lesson to learn to deal with feelings of jealousy etc and to try and develop a generosity of spirit

My sis and I were encouraged to make the day special for the birthday girl and we accepted it was their turn for a special day. Even now my sister likes giving more than receiving (I am ambivalent about both tbh)

My ds let's his little sister open some of his presents for him but that is his choice. I think it's sweet that he recognises that she feels left out

pigletmania Tue 05-Mar-13 21:11:10

Yanbu how rude. She has to teach her child to wait for teir birthday for a present. You were totally right.

pigletmania Tue 05-Mar-13 21:13:21

Your not mean at all, she is a stupid twat

thegreylady Tue 05-Mar-13 21:20:19

I can't believe she asked!!
When my dgc have a birtday I take something small for the non birthday child but no-one else does and dd tells me off for doing it grin

You could equalise it by neither getting a present. We don't do presents for friends' children's birthdays unless we attend a party and then it is just the birthday child. She is very lucky that you are getting one present for the birthday girl!

I did get a present on my brother's birthday from my parents, but that was the only one. My mother suggested that I needed to do this for my nieces' birthdays, but I told her that it wasn't necessary.

Seabird72 Tue 05-Mar-13 22:46:44

It's terrible she had the nerve to ask. It's her responsibility to buy a small gift so the sibling doesn't feel left out but it's a nightmare to keep it up so a good idea not to bother starting. Can you ditch her? Sounds like she will be a nightmare friend and might hold her unreasonable request against you.

midastouch Tue 05-Mar-13 22:50:26

YANBU if she wants to get a present for her other DC thats up to her but you cant expect everyone else to! How old is her younger DC?

theweeyin Tue 05-Mar-13 22:56:26

Her youngest is 3 (will be 4 next month) I'm not buying a present for the younger one.... Don't think we will fallout over this (we've been friends for over 20 years) I just couldn't believe her cheek when she asked me & I posted on here to see what others think. I will talk to her about it when i see her tomorrow.

MidniteScribbler Tue 05-Mar-13 22:59:57

"You're right dear friend, it would be horribly mean to buy for only one child, and not the other. The fairest thing to do then would be to simply just not buy anything at all. Thanks for saving me the money!"

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