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To not spend Mother's Day with my one and only child?

(42 Posts)
TangoPurple Tue 05-Mar-13 08:44:09

My mum's offered to have her for the full day, and I've accepted.

She's 5yo and so far i've spent every Mother's Day, every Christmas, every birthday and every Hogsmany with it being just me and her. This will be the first 'big calendar event' that we're not together for. She's getting picked up at 10am and being brought home at 7pm.

I feel really guilty though! It's my mum's Mother's Day too, and she's got a house full of people already, and now my daughter's being added into the mix. So i'll have a nice day to myself, while she won't.

But she did offer/insist.

AIBU? Should all mothers spend the day with their children on Mother's Day?

NeedlesCuties Tue 05-Mar-13 08:46:33

YANBU.

Tell your mum I have 2 kids she's welcome to have for the day too wink

Enjoy your time 'off'. Your DD is still young, it won't be an upset to her.

We're going to a birthday party on Mother's Day. I think the birthday child's mother organised the entire thing. I figure soft play and screaming 3 and 4 year olds is as good a way to spend mothers' day as any.

It depends, really.

If your idea of a lovely Mother's Day is to have the day to yourself, then I guess it's okay?

But having just seen my hubby lose his stepmum, I'm of the mind where I say every little counts... I know I've certainly felt that way.

Theas18 Tue 05-Mar-13 09:03:12

Perfect set up I'd say!

Your mum gets to spend time with your DD and she with her gran and the rest of the gathering . That's special for them both.

You get time off- use it to do something lovely that you want to do. Go to a spa, walk the hills, stay in bed and read a whole book in a day . Any of the little treats you can't do with your DD.

Unless you are religious, in which it has significance as a day in itself, it's really a marketing opportunity isn't it. You can have a special day with your DD that is just your day, another time surely. For instance I don't bother with Valentines day etc we go out another night- cheaper and nicer as not surrounded by " special" menus and other couples...

frazmum Tue 05-Mar-13 09:11:36

Enjoy the day - sounds like your mum is quite happy with having her. Is it your mum dropping her back at 7? If so, why don't the 3 of you have some cake together as a little celebration?

DeafLeopard Tue 05-Mar-13 09:12:55

What Thea said. Don't feel guilty - enjoy your day

shrimponastick Tue 05-Mar-13 09:16:36

Yanbu.

Your DM will enjoy having your DD. DD will no doubt have fun with all the other guests. You get to relax on your own. Sounds perfect to me.

Mrsrobertduvall Tue 05-Mar-13 09:20:27

Sounds great.
I expect dh will be playing golf, and the dcs will be out and about.

I will go and do something nice on my own, away from restaurants serving Mothers Day menus.

Does mothers' day have religious significance? In which religion? (I ask because the date of mothers' day varies depending upon where you are in the world)

Callisto Tue 05-Mar-13 09:27:51

I'm in the minority then, to actually want to spend the day with my DD (and my mother if she was still alive)? I find it quite odd that you wouldn't want to be with your mother/mil/children tbh.

Mothers Day was traditionally the day that female servants got to go home and spend time with their families. It has nowt to do with religion or card companies.

Mydelilah Tue 05-Mar-13 09:32:37

YANBU. She's not leaving until 10 am - plenty of time on the morning for her to give you your card and make you 'breakfast' wink. Relax and enjoy a well-earned day off!

MortifiedAdams Tue 05-Mar-13 09:33:46

But it's mothers day - not daughters day. If it was dds birthday I would say YABU but its your day to relax and enjoy.

It also sounds like your dd will have a brilliant day.

aldiwhore Tue 05-Mar-13 09:36:47

YANBU to accept the offer of help and give yourself a day to yourself at all.

I couldn't do it on Mother's Day... for me it's not JUST about letting mum do whatever she wants, it's about family. My children are cooking dinner (I have emergency supplies just in case it all goes wrong) and we'll have a family day where I get to choose everything. Mother's Day for me is a two way street, not my day to tell the kids and DH to naff off smile I fully acknowledge it's different for everyone, so you're still NBU!

Enjoy your day offf.

Librarina Tue 05-Mar-13 09:41:58

I think it's fine. You are doing something nice for your Mum, letting her spend the day with a person she loves very much!

2beornot Tue 05-Mar-13 09:42:06

Mother's Day in the uk is always on the 4th Sunday of lent, and Catholics celebrate Mary on this day too. Not sure which way round it happened though.

Librarina Tue 05-Mar-13 09:42:32

(that came out wrong - I didn't mean that she doesn't love you, just that Grandma's really like spending time with their Grandchildren)

mrsjay Tue 05-Mar-13 09:51:08

your mum offered is there something going on she has a house full ? I would chill out relax and have a nice day to yourself do what you want, get a takeaway watch rubbish tv or go out and do something, Juts because it is MD doesnt mean your mum feels put upon, my mum works most mothers days , saying all that my 2o yr old is going out with her boyfriend for the day I am a wee but upset about it sad TBF she didnt realise it was MD when she organised her day out,

mrsjay Tue 05-Mar-13 09:51:27

just*

KellyElly Tue 05-Mar-13 09:53:11

Enjoy it! At 5 your DD won't really understand Mother's Day anyway. It's not like she'll make you a cup of tea in bed and take you for lunch! My DD is three and she'll probably be just as naughty on Sunday as she is every day at the moment grin

RubyrooUK Tue 05-Mar-13 09:58:39

YANBU. You are giving your mum some good time with her grandchild (my mum would be VERY happy with that). So you are treating your mum on Mother's Day to a situation that would make her feel happy.

And your mum is treating you in turn by offering you a rare selfish day to be yourself. So your mum is also treating you on Mother's Day.

So I don't think this is a case of nobody thinking about each other in a special day. Quite the opposite.

TangoPurple Tue 05-Mar-13 09:58:52

Thanks, everyone.

No, it's not guests my mum's having round - it's her permanent household. My dad, my two teenage brothers, and my sister is coming to stay for the weekend too.

So it'll end up just being an average Sunday for my lovely mum. A bit of housework, running around after everyone else, and making the sunday dinner. This is why i feel guilty. My mum doesn't seem to think it's a special day for her.

Lots of my friends are going out to lunch with their mums and their own children. I suggested this to my mum but she doesn't fancy it.

I'm thinking i could get quite a bit of work done while dd's away, it's not a religious event for us. If dd was to stay with me, it would probably just be a typical Sunday for us. Whereas she loves visiting her Gran.

MolotovCocktail Tue 05-Mar-13 10:02:19

YABU - I'm clearly another one in the minority but I don't understand you're not wanting this day with your child.

TangoPurple Tue 05-Mar-13 10:08:21

I suppose i just see it as being the same as any other Sunday. But i feel a great obligation to spend it with dd because on the calendar it says 'Mother's Day'.

I think dd would have a far better time at Granny's house, playing out in the garden, having her aunt and uncles around - than she would with me at home, doing the same old, boring, Sunday routine.

SpicyPear Tue 05-Mar-13 10:12:20

YANBU. There is no need for Mother's Day to be a big deal if you don't want it to. For various reasons my DM is not into it at all. We've never celebrated it but we have a great relationship and do a lot of stuff together even though I now live a couple of hours away.

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