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To expect dh to show some remorse or some understanding?

(351 Posts)
Confusedmummy2 Tue 05-Mar-13 07:12:22

(I have named changed as I have to friends on here - sorry).
I am really annoyed and upset with dh and he doesn't appear to have a care in the world!

Last weekend was dh's work night out, so dh had booked a hotel to avoid coming home worse for wear and waking me and dd. This is his story . . .

Had a good night drank a bit much. Some of the ladies at work had a falling out, leading to one of them not getting her lift / shared taxi home. She is crying. All the other men from work suddenly disappear, have to get home, have important phonecalls to make! Dh is left with crying colleague. He comforts her and tells her his room has a spare bed, so she can stay there! This offer is accepted. Nothing happens. He takes her home the following day.

Right so he comes home and tells me this the next day. I trust him, so if he says nothing happened, Then nothing happened. But I am still within my right to be angry and upset by this right? I am not being unreasonable am I? I would never do this to him or put someone else's. wife in this position!

Confusedmummy2 Tue 05-Mar-13 07:13:16

Oh and I have to go to work soon, so sorry in advance for lack of comment in the 9-5 gap!

Confusedmummy2 Tue 05-Mar-13 07:14:14

Rl friends not 'to' friends!

Sirzy Tue 05-Mar-13 07:15:29

So what do you think he should have done? Left this woman upset?

He told you straight after, you trust that nothing happened so why make an issue about it?

Stelmosfire Tue 05-Mar-13 07:16:23

I would not be happy at all about it. I would be asking him why he could not have lent her some money for a taxi home.

Reality Tue 05-Mar-13 07:16:39

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Confusedmummy2 Tue 05-Mar-13 07:18:03

Sent her home in a taxi, offered his room and come home in a taxi himself? Asked me before he did it to at least give me a choice in the matter?

Pretty much anything other than offer to spend a night in the same room?

claraschu Tue 05-Mar-13 07:18:22

I wouldn't be angry or upset by this, I would be impressed my husband was being so unselfish. I know he would be really annoyed to have to share his room with some annoying, crying woman, and I expect he would have been one of the men who was sloping off at the first sign of trouble,

Euphemia Tue 05-Mar-13 07:18:30

If you really trust him, I don't see the problem.

If it was my DH I would be pleased he had been the good guy after everyone else buggered off, but I would be asking him not to make a habit of it and suggesting that if this happened again the correct thing to do would be to put her in a taxi home.

Sirzy Tue 05-Mar-13 07:19:15

So you want him to put a woman who is very upset in a taxi alone or leave her alone in a hotel room?

Morloth Tue 05-Mar-13 07:19:33

There are other ways to take care of an upset colleague than sharing a hotel room with them.

Seriously, she is a grown up? Has a life? A job? Why did she need a man to help her? What was her plan for getting home?

If DH did this (and he wouldn't) I would assume he was covering his arse in case I found out he had spent the night with her in his hotel room.

In this situation, I would have asked colleague if there was someone I could call, I would have assisted her in getting home, I would have stayed at the bar drinking coffee until she sobered up. I wouldn't have offered to share my room.

Annianni Tue 05-Mar-13 07:19:40

Could he not have given her money for a taxi home, or a room of her own?

I wouldn't be happy about it.

Yanbu

How would he feel if it was you?

HollyBerryBush Tue 05-Mar-13 07:19:43

Room sharing wouldnt bother me BUT why didnt she have enough money to get home? She is her own responsibility not someone elses. I can understand all the other blokes evaporating, who the hell wants to deal with a pissed up (ok thats assumption) hysterical female at the end of the night?

In fact, why didnt she book her own room?

pictish Tue 05-Mar-13 07:20:49

Um...I think yabvu.

What are you upset about? confused

What should he feel remorse for? Why do you need understanding?

Nothing happened. You said it yourself.

TempusFuckit Tue 05-Mar-13 07:20:51

Put someone else's wife in what position? Of being left with nowhere to sleep for the night?

If nothing happened, which you accept is the case, then YABU.

Euphemia Tue 05-Mar-13 07:21:04

Asked me before he did it to at least give me a choice in the matter?

Don't be daft - he's a grown man and can make his own decisions. He doesn't need your guidance to make a good moral choice.

You don't actually trust him, do you?

Morloth Tue 05-Mar-13 07:21:18

Grown ups take care of themselves, they don't get so drunk they can't get home.

How ridiculous.

HollyBerryBush Tue 05-Mar-13 07:21:49

Op - as you said at the begining - the hotel room was oro#iginally booked because your DH assumed he would be the worse for wear.

Drawing that conclusion, everyone was pissed up and not thinking straight.

And of course - to the rest of the posters - we all carry wodges of cash for taxis at the end of the night when we've already booked a room.

Again, she is her own responsibility - what your DH did was very admirable in the circumstances..

ScottyDoc Tue 05-Mar-13 07:23:09

Yanbu to be upset but your dh was very honest about it IMO and I would let it go. Tell him if this happens again that the thing to do is get her a cab home. He was probably a bit at a loss if the woman was crying, particularly crying whilst drunk, and offered it to diffuse the situation. I would also be pissed off too but I think let it go, your dh is obviously a decent guy.

YANBU. Why did she need a man to help her? She could have made her own way home as we all would do.

I would never dream of doing this. Be easy on yourself OP.

Branleuse Tue 05-Mar-13 07:23:32

It wouldn't hAve been my first choice of solution but I don't think he's got anything to feel "remorse" about.

jchocchip Tue 05-Mar-13 07:24:34

Er if it was a twin bedded room and they are friends, it is quite possible this was innocent, especially if he told you without any prompting.

But yanbu to be upset, sounds like the 2 of you need a good night out together!

pictish Tue 05-Mar-13 07:24:44

Why do you imagine you should have a choice in the matter? You weren't there and it was nothing to do with you. Or is he not allowed to make a moral judgement of his own without running it past wifey first?

You don't trust him.

Mooshbag Tue 05-Mar-13 07:25:26

Why can't a crying woman go in a cab?

Sirzy Tue 05-Mar-13 07:27:42

She didn't need a man to help her, she needed someone to help her. IRS not some battle of the genders it's about friends/colleagues looking after each other.

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