Note: Please bear in mind that whilst this topic does canvass opinions, it is not a fight club. You may disagree with other posters but we do ask you please to stick to our Talk Guidelines and to be civil. We don't allow personal attacks or troll-hunting. Do please report any. Thanks, MNHQ.

cross with friend

(76 Posts)
pinkpaws Mon 04-Mar-13 18:22:54

Hi i want to ask if you think i am being unreasonable was out a few nights ago with a group of people and after a few drinks the topic became about religion i am catholic the friend in question is not. We are good friends as are our children and i am very fond of both her kids. I said when my DD grows up and met someone i would if it where my choice which i know it is not i would rather she married an other catholic. But as long as she was happy that would be fine. my friend to cut a long story short was very cross and said that ment i didnt think her kids where as good as mine I have no idea how she came to that conclusion . this is a women who is well educated and has sense well i thought she had sense . please advise

toffeelolly Mon 04-Mar-13 19:03:33

YABU. Think your friend had every right to say what she said, think you are the one in the wrong !

TheVermiciousKnid Mon 04-Mar-13 19:06:45

Of course you can have an opinion - people are just trying to explain why your friend might have got upset! It was maybe a little tactless to voice that opinion in her presence? Of course you're still entitled to do so, but don't be surprised if some people (like your friend) get upset.

pinkpaws Mon 04-Mar-13 19:06:52

As you where not with me when opinion was shared i fail to see how you can say it was clumsy or said in a way that could cause offence. It was a topic that many where taking part in.

pinkpaws Mon 04-Mar-13 19:08:47

I take your point Thevermiciousknid but she was by not by far the only non catholic but the only one to take offence.

TidyDancer Mon 04-Mar-13 19:09:56

You're being too defensive, you asked for opinions, I gave you mine. You can't expect wooly responses when you post in AIBU.

I can only go on your writing tone and your descriptions, and I stand by what I said. It sounds clumsy.

And clearly it was said in a way that could cause offence, since it did just that.

pinkpaws Mon 04-Mar-13 19:14:03

As you where not with me at time of comment tinydancer i fail to see how you can say it was clumsy or offence. She was not the only non catholic person there but the only one to take offence.

pinkpaws Mon 04-Mar-13 19:16:09

It was as it turns out offence to one person no one else . And if truth be told i am and was more dissapointed in her that cross.

ginmakesitallok Mon 04-Mar-13 19:16:48

Of course you can have an opinion, doesn't mean that purple have to agree with it. Coming from northern Ireland and setting first hand how sectarianism tears communities apart my opinion is that you are being unreasonable.

ginmakesitallok Mon 04-Mar-13 19:17:09

People not purple...

ginmakesitallok Mon 04-Mar-13 19:17:48

You are disappointed in her??

after a few drinks the topic became about religion

^^ this is the problem....a seriously bad topic for the pub IMHO

kerala Mon 04-Mar-13 19:21:59

YABU. Tactless and rude thing to say to a non Catholic. Yes you are saying essentially that if your child ended up with hers you would be upset I can see why she was miffed. And what do you mean by "disappointed" in her?

YouTheCat Mon 04-Mar-13 19:24:46

I'm an atheist. But if, as a Catholic, you would prefer your dd to marry another Catholic then that is your view. It's not as if you're saying you wouldn't be happy if she married someone who wasn't Catholic so I can't see what anyone is up in arms about tbh.

Your friend has an opinion too but I think she has the wrong end of the stick and I really don't think you were saying non-Catholics are not as good as you or your kids. Bit of an over-reaction on her part imo.

TidyDancer Mon 04-Mar-13 19:25:57

I saw your comment the first time....and I still stand by what I said. You just need to accept that you were (albeit unintentionally) in the wrong, and apologise to your friend.

WilsonFrickett Mon 04-Mar-13 19:26:35

If her children were black and you'd said you would prefer your DD's to marry white people and bring your DGDs up in a white culture, do you think she may have had a point?

I suspect that's not what you meant, but it's likely what she heard.

KatyTheCleaningLady Mon 04-Mar-13 19:26:52

I wouldn't feel bad if a Jewish woman said that she hopes her children marry Jews. I would say the same thing about any religion. I think she made the choice to find offense.

signorapacino Mon 04-Mar-13 19:32:13

What an over reaction here!!! op never said she would disown her child or said anything negative about any other religion. She just stated a preference and her friend totally overreacted imo as are a lot of people on here. Op ynbu!!!!!! So many of you are just failing to get the point of what she is trying to say.

AmberLeaf Mon 04-Mar-13 19:35:04

YABU and it is very telling of how this thread will go that you said 'voice of reason' to the person whos views are the same as yours.

What you said infers that you think catholics are better and preferable to non catholics.

Yes to what WilsonFrickett said, that was what came to my mind when I read this, I remember people saying that years ago, 'Id rather my kids marry someone of their own colour' etc that sort of thing.

I wouldn't advise guilt tripping your children over who they choose to love TBH.

signorapacino Mon 04-Mar-13 19:39:11

Amber it's happens to be a coincidence our religion is the same had I been Jewish say I would have posted the same post cause I get what she is saying. Also op has never said at any point that she would tell her child she would rather they marry someone of the same religion she just said she'd prefer it.

flangledoodle Mon 04-Mar-13 19:39:56

Two problems here : 1 - alcohol. 2. Your atheiest friend may feel defensive about her atheism and so easily took offense. I recently told someone I didn't believe in God and they laughed in my face. It would not be as acceptable to laugh at someone for their faith.

AmberLeaf Mon 04-Mar-13 19:53:02

Not criticising your post/opinion signorapacino. Just that this is AIBU and the OP doesn't seem to want to hear anything other than people agreeing with her, hence her 'voice of reason' comment.

signorapacino Mon 04-Mar-13 19:55:09

Fair dos amber.

NeverFinishWhatYouStarted Mon 04-Mar-13 20:00:38

Speaking as someone who has been on the receiving end of religious prejudice, YABU. More than one boyfriend enjoyed my company but didn't want their mothers to know they were seeing me because I'm a non-Catholic in a Catholic country. And after hearing one colleague's disapproval of her son's LTR with an Anglican girlfriend, I've never mentioned in work that I'm not RC either.

Sadly, your views will probably filter through to your children with similar consequences.

BandersnatchCummerbund Mon 04-Mar-13 20:05:16

I think she was being nonsensical, really. But I would also just shrug, put it down to experience and forget about it.

bruxeur Mon 04-Mar-13 20:10:43

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now