cross with friend

(76 Posts)
pinkpaws Mon 04-Mar-13 18:22:54

Hi i want to ask if you think i am being unreasonable was out a few nights ago with a group of people and after a few drinks the topic became about religion i am catholic the friend in question is not. We are good friends as are our children and i am very fond of both her kids. I said when my DD grows up and met someone i would if it where my choice which i know it is not i would rather she married an other catholic. But as long as she was happy that would be fine. my friend to cut a long story short was very cross and said that ment i didnt think her kids where as good as mine I have no idea how she came to that conclusion . this is a women who is well educated and has sense well i thought she had sense . please advise

Crinkle77 Mon 04-Mar-13 18:27:40

I think it is a rather outdated and narrow minded attitude to be honest. What difference would it make if someone was Catholic, Protestant or some other religion?

wigglesrock Mon 04-Mar-13 18:32:08

She does have sense, you in a very round about way said that if you had your choice you would rather your children married people who weren't like hers. I'm a Catholic I couldn't give 2 shiney shites who my children shared their lives with as long as they are loved and respected. How would you feel if one of your children were gay or chose not to get married?

sooperdooper Mon 04-Mar-13 18:32:22

YABU I agree with your friend, what difference does it make what religion someone is, if you really only want her to be happy then it would make no difference whatsoever

I think she does have sense, in thinking that people are all equal, regardless of religion and being a particular religion doesn't automatically make you a nicer/better person as a partner

TheVermiciousKnid Mon 04-Mar-13 18:33:09

I suppose it's a bit like saying to her that ideally you wouldn't want your children to marry any of her children... How would you feel if she said to you that she wouldn't want her children to marry Catholics?

PopeBenedictsP45 Mon 04-Mar-13 18:33:52

I think the argument's academic as you won't have a say in who your DD marries. But I also think this is a narrow minded thing to say.

TheVermiciousKnid Mon 04-Mar-13 18:34:13

And yes, in my opinion she does have a lot of sense!

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE Mon 04-Mar-13 18:35:54

Never discuss religion or politics whilst drinking!

I think your view point is very dated and pointless, however I am not religious.

I can see why she was upset, you did accidentally infer that a non catholic is not as good.

pinkpaws Mon 04-Mar-13 18:36:45

I did say as long as she was happy i didnt care but i have a right to voice my beliefs where others think they are outdated or narrow minded and for the record i have no problem with gay people or if indeed she herself was gay later in life.

pinkpaws Mon 04-Mar-13 18:41:19

I fail to see how my beliefs make her or anyone else so insecure . but you are right i will NEVER again talk about religion in her company.

MaryRobinson Mon 04-Mar-13 18:42:01

I don't think it is necessarily narrow minded. The OP said that all other things being equal this is a preference she would have and acknowledges that it is purely hypothetical.

I think people are attaching way too much significance to it and making extrapolations that just aren't supportable.

Crinkle77 Mon 04-Mar-13 18:42:04

Who said anything about gay people or are you feeling a bit paranoid that the discussion will turn in this direction?

pinkpaws Mon 04-Mar-13 18:43:18

I fail to see how my beliefs make her or anyone else so insecure . but you are right i will NEVER again talk about religion in her company.

wigglesrock Mon 04-Mar-13 18:43:31

No, in fairness to the OP it was me that mentioned how she would feel if her child was gay or chose not to get married, not her.

My husband is Catholic. I'm atheist (baptised/confirmed CofE. DD is of unknown faith, being 9 months old.

My smugly Catholic mother-in-law is pretty disapproving of my lack of faith and it's just one of the reasons we have a very strained relationship.

Why would a Catholic son-in-law be preferable?

pinkpaws Mon 04-Mar-13 18:47:44

no not paranoid crinkle77 responding to a comment made

pinkpaws Mon 04-Mar-13 18:50:11

A cathoilc partner would be my choice because its how my daughter is raised and it would again be my choice which it is of course not that any grand children as be raised by two catholic parents.

signorapacino Mon 04-Mar-13 18:54:24

I totally get what your saying I'm a catholic who married another catholic and it just made life easy from the point of view of what church to get married in and what school to send our kids to. Have seen friends having to have huge debates and arguments with their partners over theses things when they've had a different religion. So therefore I would prefer my kids if they keep their faith to marry someone of the same religion. Your friend probably never got what way you were saying this and seems to have gone on the defensive. I don't have anything against any other religion I just purely think it would make life easier all round.

pinkpaws Mon 04-Mar-13 18:54:39

It would seem to me that you may have an Opinion in this country as long as its the same as everyone else.

wigglesrock Mon 04-Mar-13 18:55:55

I'm a Catholic, I married one, our children are Catholics but my husband isn't one any more - he had his fill of religion as a whole. Our children aren't raised in a particularly Catholic home, to be very honest I'm not really sure what difference it makes.

pinkpaws Mon 04-Mar-13 18:57:21

At last a voice of reason thank you signorapacino

pinkpaws Mon 04-Mar-13 18:59:44

I guess it only makes a difference if your faith matters to you and as a family

signorapacino Mon 04-Mar-13 18:59:47

Your welcome honey wink

signorapacino Mon 04-Mar-13 19:00:47

You're blush

TidyDancer Mon 04-Mar-13 19:01:05

I understand what you're saying, but it was an incredibly clumsy way of saying it, so it's easy to see why your friend took offence. She is not in the wrong.

Hypothetical conversations of this nature never turn out well ime. Tbf you don't even know what religion (if any) your DD will subscribe to.

The general rule with expressing opinions, btw, would be do not share one in a way that causes unnecessary offence. It's not about it being the same as everyone else's.

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