to want to tell the customers to shove their laptops up their arses

(56 Posts)
lappy Mon 04-Mar-13 17:54:11

I work for a very customer service orientated company. Any problems that arise can be quickly dealt with and almost always after one communication. I do generally love my job, it's a great company with great people but what's been starting to really get on my tits recently is the same old phrases that customers are starting to throw in. This is mainly emails but now it's starting to creep on to the Facebook page.

Such phrases as:

'not the quality I expect from you'
'not good in this economic climate'
'disgusted with the service' ...this is usually over something very trivial and non-intentional! Disgusted is more often than not spelt as discusted.
'imagine my horror' ... again usually over something as life-shattering as a parcel arriving with a slightly bashed corner'
'as a valued customer' ...as apposed to what?
'as a loyal customer' ..if you say so.

I'm not saying that you shouldn't complain if something has gone wrong, you definitely should so it can be put right but why is everyone using these same old phrases? Where have they picked them up?

I'm getting really bored of them now.

Truffkin Mon 04-Mar-13 21:13:58

DH's job involves some customer contact and he always favours the amusing / ironic / clever complainers grin Also, the customer care team at work send free vouchers to people who compliment the products much more often than those who complain!

maddening Mon 04-Mar-13 21:15:56

Although maybe vent at your employers for providing complaint worthy products and services.

Fakebook Mon 04-Mar-13 21:48:16

YABU. I wish I knew which company you worked for. Wanting to tell customers to shove their laptops up their arse? Charming.

LineRunner Mon 04-Mar-13 22:24:51

But if people could actually just say, 'May I have my money back, please, the product is poor?' and you just said, 'Yes,' then there wouldn't be any need for further words, would there?

It's the 'customer service' verbiage that began the annoying crap.

'We've never had a complaint before.'
'Well you'll have to take that up with the manufacturer.'
'Can you actually prove you didn't break it yourself?'
'Did you not take out the extra additional optional insurance at the pint of purchase?'
'I'd claim on your household insurance, to be honest.'

I used to work in a bank. the letters of complaint were very funny. grin

giraffesCantDateDucks Mon 04-Mar-13 22:27:52

Company company your service was shit,
it left me feeling down a bit.
Please sort the whole thing out,
else I shall feel the need to scream and shout.
If you don't fix it without fail,
I will write a rant to the daily mail.
Please compensate me as soon as you're able,
else I will become rather unstabe! xxx

How is that for a complaint?

Grinkly Mon 04-Mar-13 22:35:54

Aaah - but we have the last laugh.

We can leave a CRITICAL REVIEW online - heh, heh, heh....

YesIamYourSisterInLaw Mon 04-Mar-13 22:36:41

Dear lappy
I am discusted by this post, it is not the quality I expect from you and I think in this economic climate you could do better than to slag off your valued and loyal customers.
Imagine my horror upon reading this post
Please make my compensation cheque payable to :
Discutedloyalandvaluedcustomer
31 filled with horror road
Hh58sb

Thanks grin

cumfy Mon 04-Mar-13 22:40:45

grinZavi

Sometimes you do want to say 'get a fucking grip'

If you work in the public sector, you get the joy of people invariable starting their complaints with 'as a taxpayer....'
I have noted quite a few 'discusted' people on MN of late.
Agree about JL's new couriers, BTW!

BOF Mon 04-Mar-13 22:52:58

I think it's because lots of people have little experience of writing formal letters, so they fall back on clichés. It's actually quite difficult to write a letter of complaint- just look at how many tweaks the perfect email gets on here when people ask for advice.

That said, I'd love to hear some funny stories, if anyone has any.

HoHoHoNoYouDont Mon 04-Mar-13 22:53:20

YA soooo NBU. I almost started a thread like this last week after dealing with some extremely annoying customers!

A lot of the bank complainants liked to try and charge us £25 for the letter they had written to us. As the bank charged £25 unpaid fee for letters to them re returned cheques. confused

CrystalTits Mon 04-Mar-13 22:59:03

DH recently returned a cheap pair of trainers with hard, slippery soles. I know, you get what you pay for, but in an attempt to exaggerate the unsuitability of the product, he said to the CS lady, '! nearly fell over and...errrr...broke my hip.'

He's only 43. She was hmm

BOF Mon 04-Mar-13 23:03:09
BumBiscuits Mon 04-Mar-13 23:41:02

Perhaps customers should use the medium of dance to express their complaint or you should find a job you can be happy in

Mspontipine Mon 04-Mar-13 23:46:15

If we're correcting spellings it's 'opposed'.

foxache Mon 04-Mar-13 23:49:23

BOF, that's brilliant, Jane was very patient. And yes I agree that it's hard to write letters of complaint (or any letters imo) so cliches are often easier.

meddie Tue 05-Mar-13 00:29:31

My friend who works in a childrens hospital recently had an emergency admission overnight. They have a macdonalds house but the reception is only open during the day so they put the parents up in an emergency overnight room (basically just a bed) until a room could be arranged the following day

They received a formal complaint via PALS the next day that:
a) the room was too small
b There was no tea or coffee making facilities in the room
c) there was no en suite toilet

The room was right next to the parents sitting room that has 2 toilets, vending machines and a microwave, kettle and fridge and a small supply of emergency packs, which contain tea/coffee/sugar/wet wipes/toothbrush and deodorant that the nurses supply by fund raising.

MrsMushroom Tue 05-Mar-13 00:34:30

Foxache I love "Points of View" language! I see it on MN ALL THE TIME and I HATE IT.

"Why oh why..." I want to say of FUCK OFF with your unimaginative shite.

LittleEdie Tue 05-Mar-13 00:56:38

meddie shock

IRCL Tue 05-Mar-13 01:24:14

YANBU.

The last company I worked for was very big on customer service.

I had one lady who bought an unreturnable product due to hygiene reasons. I even made a bloody point of telling her this. Low and behold she tries to return said item threatening me with a long call to head office there the ones that make through soddin rules in the first place.

Retail...

I work in the complaints department of a council. I see complaints ranging from very serious issues (social services) to the most petty things. The petty complaints are always the most dramatic. My favourite was the man who complained that the council were doing nothing about his neighbours' cats going in his garden. He was horrified, distressed and at his wit's end. Another man was obsessed about his bin collection being missed in 2010 due to snow. It was collected a week later and his was still writing to us in October 2012 about it.

My favourite complaints are ones that quote Article 8 of the European convention on human rights. Usually in relation to council tax or recycling.

Lifeisontheup Tue 05-Mar-13 07:38:15

We had a complaint from a man about his relative who had been involved in a car accident at night in the rain.

She'd been taken out of the car on a spinal board and apparently we hadn't taken her jewellery off before immobilising her thus wasting valuable time at hospital. He was shocked and horrified at our incompetence.

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