To NOT buy this toy for ds because it is a girl's toy?

(110 Posts)
Whatsdoneisdoneisdone Mon 04-Mar-13 17:42:56

Ds is just over three and a half. He has a chart for good behaviour and a few small chores. Once his chart is full every month or so he gets to choose a little prize for around ten pounds. Since he started the chart a few weeks back the thing he has wanted is the my little pony train. And at the moment it is on offer massively reduced on amazon.
He likes trains. He likes ponies. In his mind it seems a good plan. However I am not so keen. Not because it is a "girls'" toy really (we have many toys that could be considered traditionally a girls' toy) and I firmly believe that children should be able to play with what interests them. Usually.
I'm just a bit concerned he may be laughed at by other boys. Ds has stayed home with me and only has a couple of sessions at nursery a week. Consequently he is less streetwise than many of the other children. I suppose when we have playdates I could put it away, but I can see him being so pleased with it that he tells everyone at nursery.

He is already a bit the odd one out because he is quite sensitive and quiet. I don't want to give them any other reason to consider him different. Sad that I have to think this I suppose.

Wibu to not get him this?

Iggly Mon 04-Mar-13 20:04:11

^ Part of me worries that the issue may be ds rather than the preschool though...at least partly anyway^

That's the saddest thing I've heard someone say about their child.

He's 3 and you blame him?

Poor boy.

I have a 3.5 year old - id get him the train.

ClippedPhoenix Mon 04-Mar-13 20:06:59

OP at the end of the day do what will protect your little boy at the moment. After all he's the one taking the ridicule. It's ok for others to say buy it etc. but at the moment I'd offer another option.

oldraver Mon 04-Mar-13 20:07:12

Let him have it and if you really feel the need put it away when he playdates...though you shouldn't have too and they may enjoy playing with it as well.

DS is 7 and last year bought himself some Zoobles which are aimed at girls, he doesnt care

MrsDeVere Mon 04-Mar-13 20:13:54

I understand why you are worried.
(although I am chortling at the idea of streetwise 3 year olds).

I have 5 children. Four boys and a girl.

All raised in a household where boys and girls get to play with and wear what they want regardless of colour etc.

DS3 loves pink. He chooses pink sparkly shoes, pink clothes and love his Hello Kitty onesie. He has a pink scooter. He also likes butterflies and other traditionally 'girly' things.

I have never had a problem buying these things for him. I don't make a big deal of it, if he wants one of the above for his birthday he can have it.

He is five now and in school. He wanted to ride his scooter to school so we had a chat before hand. We talked about what might happen if he was teased and how he might feel about it. What he might say etc.

He also has a pink lunch box and some children have commented but DS doesn't get upset. He just thinks those children are a bit silly.

I don't know why, it may be because he was bought up in such a strong atmosphere of 'if you like it, its ok'. I hope so. It might be because he is a naturally strong character.

BUT despite all of the above, he doesn't get to wear his pink sparkly shoes to school. Mind you, I wouldn't let him if he was a girl.

Its PJ day on Friday and he already told me he wants to wear his Hello Kitty onesie. I am not going to pretend I am not a little worried. We will just have another chat first and hope for the best!

We live in the East End. If he is strong enough to wear a pink onesie to school, I think the boy will go far grin

maddening Mon 04-Mar-13 20:17:01

Ds has the ben and holly castle and the peppa pig house - I would get him the my little pony train if he particularly wanted it and was due a gift.

Greensleeves Mon 04-Mar-13 20:18:44

I know 3yo children who are "streetwise". They are acutely aware of what is "for boys" and what isn't. They are very conscious of their appearance and very keen to be seen as cool by their peers. I have seen little cliques of little boys exclude and poke fun at boys who aren't "dudes" and who don't like playing with guns/hitting each other with sticks etc. Accompanied by foul language and macho posturing. It's not remotely uncommon for preschool-aged boys to be like this IMO. I wonder where the rest of you are living, cos it's not here grin

I still agree with those who say you should let your ds have the toy he wants though OP. Encourage him to be himself and support him when it's hard.

Limelight Mon 04-Mar-13 20:23:57

There have been a few of these threads recently.

If he wants a My Little Pony train, buy him a My Little Pony train. My concern would be that My Little Pony is rubbish (possible left over prejudice from the mid 80s), but there's no accounting for taste!

Iggly Mon 04-Mar-13 20:28:22

My three old boy isnt street wise. If they are someone is obviously feeding it to them. I'm trying to keep my ds as innocent as long as possible - its lovely when they're like that! grin

MidnightMasquerader Mon 04-Mar-13 20:53:26

^ Glad to see you are taking him out of the pre-school, it sounds horrid and at only three really not on to be having a miserable time.^

Do we actually know the OP's DS is having a misersble time at pre-school? Or is it possible that the OP has seen one or two things and is painting a far worse picture in her mind than is happening, based on her own experiences?

I really don't think AIBU was the best forum to ask about this particular issue...

Twattybollocks Mon 04-Mar-13 20:56:14

Just get the train, just because it's got pink on it doesn't mean boys can't play with it. Besides you will then be able to rib him mercilessly when he's older about it.

JamieandtheMagicTorch Mon 04-Mar-13 21:01:22

Midnight

Are we not all being perfectly polite and reasonabl on here?

AIBU can be brutal, but I think we are having a reasonable discussion here.

<harrumph>

blueballoon79 Mon 04-Mar-13 21:12:28

Having read the entire thread and reading that you were miserable yourself in childhood and that you're worrying about your son being different and being picked on I don't think the issue here is the toy at all.

My son was the same as a young child, very quiet and found it hard to make friends. I worried so much about him as I too had a difficult childhood and when you see all the other children tearing around together and having lots of friends it makes you feel sad.

My son is now twelve and still doesn't have lots of friends, just one or two, and he's still quieter than other children. BUt he's happy with this!

I realised I was only worrying so much because I was projecting my own feelings and insecurities onto his life.

Also, please don't think there's something wrong with your son. There's nothing wrong with him, he just chooses to play differently to the other children, nothing wrong with that or him.

What is wrong is the pre schools attitude to the bullying he's receiving. It's not just "boys will be boys" It's cruel and malicious and needs nipping in the bud immediately.

FeckOffCup Mon 04-Mar-13 21:17:46

I would get him the train, I too understand where you are coming from with the teasing concerns (I was picked on because I was a bit shy and sensitive and never seemed to be into the same trends as my peers) but I would get him the train, he is still very young and will be disappointed if he doesn't get it when he was promised a treat of his choice for good behaviour.

chubbychipmonk Mon 04-Mar-13 21:21:47

I bet if you could sit in during an entire nursery session you would at some point witness the boys in the dressing up box & playing happily with handbags, fairy wings etc, or at some point pushing a pram, having a tea party & vice versa for the girls with the 'boys' toys. There is no discrimination at this age, they just seem them all as toys. Buy him his pony train & relax, the less of a big deal made about it the better.

googlyeyes Mon 04-Mar-13 22:02:09

This is v topical for me! Today ds2 and I walked into Tescos and came out with the walking talking pinkie pie my little pony he's been begging for for ages now.

I think it's wonderful that he's so untainted by gender stereotypes (although i'm sure that will come!) Dd was convinced that he would be trying to rip its head off before long and bash it with his sword but no! He spend a happy afternoon brushing the pony's hair and generally doting on it....

Fakebook Mon 04-Mar-13 22:15:11

Don't then.

giraffesCantDateDucks Mon 04-Mar-13 22:17:04

YANBU get him a big fuck off gun or sword with cars n shit on it. Blue of course.

Whatsdoneisdoneisdone Mon 04-Mar-13 22:20:08

There are issues at preschool (not just my perceived issues) and I'm not blaming ds at all. Just wondering if it will be the same everywhere.

When we went to the birthday party there was a game of musical bumps. Ds was vaguely distracted and was out first. To which a boy said to him 'ha ha, you're out first' and then made a loser sign at him and said 'loser'. He then proceeded to shout this at my ds throughout the party. He is four. This is what I mean by streetwise. My ds wouldn't do it, he wouldn't know what the loser sign was! I know it's just kids being silly but there is a definite little group of boys at preschool who have been mean for whatever reson.

On the upside I have ordered him the pony train. He will be pleased. Although I fear the plastic tat quotient in my house is about to increase.

hmmmhmmm Mon 04-Mar-13 22:21:01

my dh was terrified ds would be led toward being gay!
a - didn't happen and b - told dh was irrelevant as wit ever ds sexuality was fine(ds apparently heterosexual but dd come out as gay(both teens now) dh been fine with all this thank goodness !

LahleeMooloo Mon 04-Mar-13 22:21:27

Yes because men are never jockies are they? Horses are so girly confused

Whatsdoneisdoneisdone Mon 04-Mar-13 22:21:41

giraffes we have quite a range of toys but actually no guns. Although ds fashioned himself one out of duplo grin

Whatsdoneisdoneisdone Mon 04-Mar-13 22:23:34

lahlee generally not in sparkly pink princess ponies that rife around on pink sparkly trains though. grin

countrykitten Mon 04-Mar-13 22:25:45

This thread has made me sad. sad

jollygoose Mon 04-Mar-13 22:42:05

my own ds aged 3 is as boyish as they make em and desperately wants a dolls house which he will have for his 4th birthday, a friend with girls has one and he loves it and why not?

LinusVanPelt Mon 04-Mar-13 22:45:36

Good for you, OP - I'm delighted that your boy is getting his pony train smile

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