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To NOT buy this toy for ds because it is a girl's toy?

(110 Posts)
Whatsdoneisdoneisdone Mon 04-Mar-13 17:42:56

Ds is just over three and a half. He has a chart for good behaviour and a few small chores. Once his chart is full every month or so he gets to choose a little prize for around ten pounds. Since he started the chart a few weeks back the thing he has wanted is the my little pony train. And at the moment it is on offer massively reduced on amazon.
He likes trains. He likes ponies. In his mind it seems a good plan. However I am not so keen. Not because it is a "girls'" toy really (we have many toys that could be considered traditionally a girls' toy) and I firmly believe that children should be able to play with what interests them. Usually.
I'm just a bit concerned he may be laughed at by other boys. Ds has stayed home with me and only has a couple of sessions at nursery a week. Consequently he is less streetwise than many of the other children. I suppose when we have playdates I could put it away, but I can see him being so pleased with it that he tells everyone at nursery.

He is already a bit the odd one out because he is quite sensitive and quiet. I don't want to give them any other reason to consider him different. Sad that I have to think this I suppose.

Wibu to not get him this?

Whatsdoneisdoneisdone Mon 04-Mar-13 18:07:56

Preschool haven't been much use. About that and other things. They had a "boys will be boys" attitude. They put him in a group with some other children and said they would try and 'scaffold' some friendships. I heard the same group of boys being unkind to ds at a birthday party we went to. Unfortunately these same children will go to the same school as ds.

IneedAgoldenNickname Mon 04-Mar-13 18:08:12

Your son sounds like my DS1, who at 8 had a quiet inner confidence to be himself and ignore anyone who picks on him for being quiet/not liking football, fighting etc.

DS2 (6.4) told me the other day that he didn't think he should carry my old his tag doll to the shop as it's for girls and he might get teased. I told him it was his decision, but that toys are for children and adults and anyone who says they're only for boys or girls is stupid. Yes ex im looking at you!

Pozzled Mon 04-Mar-13 18:09:35

Yes, yabu about the my little pony, but you know that! I would be having a word with the preschool though, they don't seem to be addressing the issues with the other children very well.

CloudsAndTrees Mon 04-Mar-13 18:10:43

If you think he is being marked out as different, then you need to give him confidence in his differences and make sure he knows it's ok to be different. By not letting him have the toy he wants, you are sending the message that you think his natural behaviour is wrong as well, and as you're his Mummy, that's going to be worse than it coming from other children at nursery.

5madthings Mon 04-Mar-13 18:12:28

Yabu about the toy but there are obviously issues at pre-school which need to be dealt with.

'boys will.be boys' is a shite attitude for the staff to have and tbh if it wasnt resolved i would be looking for a new pre-school.

Whatsdoneisdoneisdone Mon 04-Mar-13 18:13:16

Well I wasn't going to say to him 'you can't have that it's for girls!' I was going to suggest other options to see if they appealed equally or more!

buy it.

if you don't you might as well join in and say yes ds, who you are and what you like and want are wrong. you don't want to do that.

also if he is a sensitive child scrap the sticker charts and chores. too much pressure and constant judging for one so young, especially if sensitive. does he really need every detail of performance as a human being monitoring at 3?

StuntGirl Mon 04-Mar-13 18:14:28

YABVU.

Whatsdoneisdoneisdone Mon 04-Mar-13 18:14:40

Yes we are moving preschools next term. Have not been impressed. Part of me worries that the issue may be ds rather than the preschool though...at least partly anyway.

DumSpiroSpero Mon 04-Mar-13 18:15:13

I think Linus put it beautifully.

There is nothing wrong with being sensitive, even for a boy. One of my 8yo DD's best friends is our mates son who was born a week before her.

As toddlers he was quite happy to dive into her assortment of pink, sparkly fairy/princess/ballet frocks.

He's now a football loving little dude (as is DD) and one of the reasons they get on so well is that he is more sensitive than a lot if the boys she meets at school.

He still brings his Build A Bear when he stays too grin.

Whatsdoneisdoneisdone Mon 04-Mar-13 18:16:59

We started the sticker chart when potty training as ds was a bit lazy. Introduced a sticker chart and was trained in a couple of days. Then he wanted to carry on because he knows he gets a little treat when he's finished his chart and he shows it to everyone.
It wasn't something I was particularly planning on doing... It just happened!

PurpleStorm Mon 04-Mar-13 18:22:29

YABU about the toy.

I've seen plenty of boys aged abut 3 playing with more 'girly' toys at playgroups. I don't think teasing about having a girls toy is really much of an issue at that age.

MidnightMasquerader Mon 04-Mar-13 18:25:58

Linus's post is fantastic.

I understand why you're 'worried' (and I'm a fully on-board member of 'Let Toys Be Toys') - the thought of your child being teased, especially if he's not as robust as some of the other children is awful to contemplate - but everything Linus says is true, and so important.

Also, with regards to how he's getting on at nursery... I know it's easy for me to say, but please try not to worry too much. 3 is quite a transitional age. I have a very socially confident 4 year old who started Kindy at 3. Sometimes he plays with other children, but equally sometimes he just loves doing his own thing. It's fine for children to still get more enjoyment out of parallel play at this age. It doesn't mean he is being actively excluded from other games, but is perhaps more than happy doing his own thing.

Obviously if you had bad experiences at school, then you're seeing things through a very particular lens which might not be quite right in your DS's situation.

Get him the toy, and always be the person who innately tells him that he's OK just as he is.

hmmmhmmm Mon 04-Mar-13 18:40:40

my ds was quiet and sensitive and his favourite colour pink and dressed in tu tus and nurse outfits bt this age. fast forward. he is 17 and from primary juniors onward extremely popular with the girls, 6 foot tall now and masculine and popular with girls and boys. Still sensitive and caring thank goodness!

saggyhairyarse Mon 04-Mar-13 19:45:00

Streetwise? Three and a half? PMSL snort

zukiecat Mon 04-Mar-13 19:49:52

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MammaMedusa Mon 04-Mar-13 19:54:27

Everything Linus said.

But also, they do grow out of these things in their own good time.

DS is in a princess dress in just about every playgroup photo taken. He isn't in them now. I am so glad he just slowly left them behind rather than was forced to too early by the judgement of others (least of all me).

OneHundredSecondsofSolitude Mon 04-Mar-13 19:57:38

It's the chores that interest me. What chores does he do? I've got a three and a half year old. I'm loving the idea of putting him to some sort of use

SirBoobAlot Mon 04-Mar-13 19:58:58

Don't be a tit.

Every time we enforce that 'girls toys' are 'wrong', we encourage the assumption that girls are lesser than boys.

On a lighter note, toys are toys. Does it really bloody matter?

StellaNova Mon 04-Mar-13 19:59:50

My two boys - two and five- regularly play with my old My Little Pony show stable and dream castle and the herd of 11 ponies. The oldest goes to school. No bullying.

WrigglyWorm Mon 04-Mar-13 20:00:01

BIG yay for Linus - that is exactly right OP. Glad to see you are taking him out of the pre-school, it sounds horrid and at only three really not on to be having a miserable time.

ClippedPhoenix Mon 04-Mar-13 20:00:37

I totally understand where you're coming from, peer pressure does unfortunately start at a very young age.

Why not go middle ground here and buy him a train track set that includes animals?

You sound like a very aware mum.

Titchyboomboom Mon 04-Mar-13 20:00:49

Yabu... He will love it!!

JamieandtheMagicTorch Mon 04-Mar-13 20:02:06

I don't like a "boys will be boys" attitude. That's the problem here, not your DS. If children are name-calling that's the problem - insensitivity, not sensitivity, should be what society worries about.

I do understand you are worried. But worrying won't change anything. Later on, you may need to offer some guidance about how he can protect himself, but not now

JamieandtheMagicTorch Mon 04-Mar-13 20:03:21

An yes, brilliant post Linus

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