To wonder why some people don't RSVP to DC parties?

(311 Posts)
MrsMushroom Mon 04-Mar-13 14:11:34

confused I can't fathom it really. Out of 28 DC in DDs class, 22 have responded with thank you we'd love to come...one has let me know they will be away that weekend and 5 have not responded at all!

I see one of the Mothers sometimes....what's the deal?? Obviously we can't go to ALL the parties ALL the time and I'm happy with 22 that are attending...but I don't know how many bleddy party bags to make now! I'll have to make the extra 5 incase these children turn up won't I?

I could assume 2 for example lost invitations....but surely no more than that? It's such bad form!

Maryz Mon 04-Mar-13 23:11:24

For ds1, I replied to everything immediately and he went to everything.

For dd, I did my best and she went to most things.

By the time ds2 came along, all party invitations had to depend on whether ds1 had a rugby match (and when he was older whether he had a match), or dd had a brownie event, or I was doing volunteer work, and dh was coaching a sport, and whether or not the older two had been invited to anything that day, and whether or not we had two cars available for transport, or whether his best friend was going and I could cadge a lift for him .....

So any invite arrived three weeks in advance was a "don't know". I could only usually say about two days before.

It isn't selfish or rude - it's having too many balls in the air and too many children.

WorraLiberty Mon 04-Mar-13 23:12:40

Horry...how can you not know what your child is doing? That smacks of keeping your options open...genuinely not knowing if a child of 4 is free is rubbish.

It's not always 'rubbish'. Some separated parents for example may not know off the tops of their heads whose weekend/evening it is for access...due to work shifts or other contact problems.

Having said that, a simple "I'm sorry I don't know right now...I'll find out" would be polite.

When did you send the invites out?

Maryz Mon 04-Mar-13 23:13:06

Having said that, if it was a venue, I would ring and say I'm not sure - if you need to know better make it a "no".

And of course, as the children get older and play sports what do you do? Do you refuse every three-week-in-advance-invitation in case there is a match on, or do you accept them and let the team down by not turning up for a match?

I never worked out the answer to that one.

MidniteScribbler Mon 04-Mar-13 23:25:37

It takes a couple of minutes to let someone know if you can or can't attend. If you aren't sure, then at least do them the courtesy of saying you won't know until a certain date (and then do actually let them know) so they can plan accordingly.

And whatever you do, don't expect the teacher to chase up invitations for you! wink

MrsMushroom Mon 04-Mar-13 23:34:36

Maryz I don't know...in our school there's a lot of helping one another out. You take my DD to ballet with yours and next week, your DD can come to mine before brownies type of thing....lifts and babysitting for a few hours are common.

But I won't be chasing them up. Bugger them, if they come they come and that's fine.

Maryz Mon 04-Mar-13 23:39:29

By the way, I'm not excusing the lack of replies, I'm explaining it. It is definitely rude - and I knew it was rude even as I was doing it.

It's just that when my three were about 9, 7 and 5 a party invitation was about as welcome (to me) as a bag of cold sick. The kids loved them, but my thought was always "oh, shit, how am I going to fit that in".

I was always a curmudgeonly old bugger grin

fuzzywuzzy Mon 04-Mar-13 23:42:27

23 out of 28 is fabulous. I have 0 out of 13 & I'm supposed to be paying per child as its an activity party thing. Arrrgggghhhhh

MrsMushroom Mon 04-Mar-13 23:44:37

Fuzzy when is your party and when did the invitations go out?

fuzzywuzzy Mon 04-Mar-13 23:52:46

Party is Sunday, invites sent out last week Monday with my phone number all over it plus a detachable tear off bit on the invite to RSVP.

They'll all turn up I bet.

I may not!

zipzap Tue 05-Mar-13 00:26:52

I have found one of the most effective tools for getting people to respond is to send your dc in with a list of who needs to reply and then get them to ask their friend to ask their mum to contact - providing yet another slip of paper with all the details on.

However, I tell dc that I need to know tonight because tomorrow I am going out to buy the contents of the party bags and if they haven't let me know then I won't be able to sort out a party bag for them.

Obviously I am not quite such a meanie and I do usually get party bags sorted for all those who reply.

However - the dc and non-responders do not know this grin and like all primary children are absurdly infatuated with party bags. Therefore they all rush home and badger their parents something rotten to make sure that they contact me asap.

Definitely worth a try!

TraceyTrickster Tue 05-Mar-13 03:30:49

One of DD's parties at nursery- several mums had not replied. I saw one on the stairs...she added my number to her phone said she would confirm later.

Silence. Did she forget completely in the next hour?

Parents who do not RSVP are rude.

Stellarella123 Tue 05-Mar-13 06:53:34

I am having the same problem. Invites have been out for 2 wks, party is on Sunday and still 10 non replies, it's a nursery class and parents all received the invites, I'm going to have to ask them all today so I can organise food and party bags,
I have to say I haven't always been the fastest at replying to party invites but now I realise how important it is . I do think parents must only reply if it's a yes, grrr!

Zingy123 Tue 05-Mar-13 07:02:20

I always text as soon as we get the invite. One parent at school who never replies made me smile. Her Dd never had a party before. She had one for her 10th and the Mum was moaning about people not replying. My Dd has had 7 parties since knowing this girl and the Mum has never rsvp`d. I just smiled and said yes I`ve had that a lot it is annoying.

Owllady Tue 05-Mar-13 08:22:04

ds was 11 last birthday. I didn't know who he had even invited and no-one replied from what i can gather. My house was just beckoned on by 11 yr old gangly boys who ran riot and wrecked his bedroom

Floggingmolly Tue 05-Mar-13 08:35:55

Does that not tell you anything about the merits of RSVPing, Owllady? confused

MrsMushroom Tue 05-Mar-13 08:52:37

11 year old boys are not the same as 4 year olds. 11 year olds can arrange things via their mobiles these days. Most kids in the first year of high school have them.

nannynick Tue 05-Mar-13 08:53:04

What do you include as methods of replying?
Phone
Text
Email
Automated website which lists those invited along with status of if they are coming, not coming, no reply?

I try to email my boss details of parties the children are invited to, then my boss will reply via whatever method is convienent, email i suspect as that can be sent at any time of day/night.

MrsMushroom Tue 05-Mar-13 08:54:44

How hard is it to text NannyNick? Even when I had no mobile, I used to just use the landline to leave a voice mail! Even high flying business people can take a second to reply.

Moominsarehippos Tue 05-Mar-13 08:56:25

I put email, landline and mobile number. And have done a RSVP slip too, and still rubbish responses. I thought it was a cultural thing!

SanityClause Tue 05-Mar-13 08:56:39

So, you want them to be polite to you, and ensure that they respond, but you can't be kind to them and cut them some slack for not doing so?

SanityClause Tue 05-Mar-13 08:58:06

I do agree that it's a bit frustrating. But is it worth all this navel gazing?

SanityClause Tue 05-Mar-13 08:58:22

And bosom hoiking?

Moominsarehippos Tue 05-Mar-13 09:02:07

No, its a pain in the backside if you have pre-booked somewhere - and prepaid - and people can't be bothered to give you a yay or nay.

MrsMushroom Tue 05-Mar-13 09:13:59

Sanity why should I be kind to them! Ive BEEN kind in inviting their children to a party ffs.

ALl I wanted was to know if they could come or not. That's not navel gazing. I'm not all sad about it....I just think it's rude.

DonderandBlitzen Tue 05-Mar-13 09:21:22

I think people just forget. I don't mind that too much as I just chase people up (and I always have to chase up a few), it's when you ask people if they are coming or not and they say "I'm not sure, might be doing so and so." So I am then none the wiser. That is really annoying!

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