To not tell anyone bar DP when I go into labour?

(76 Posts)
Dannilion Sun 03-Mar-13 18:31:51

Just that really.

36 weeks PG with PFB and for some reason, I really don't want anyone to know when I go into labour. I feel like it would be an added pressure, I would get stressed out with the constant texts/phone calls and have this vision of DM turning up at the labour ward and pacing the corridors for what could potentially be days. Also, I know it's terribly pessimistic but if something (god forbid) were to go wrong, at least I wouldn't be being pressured for 'news', I could have a small bit of time to myself first.

I would much rather just call people when she has arrived, had her first feed and I am not covered in blood. I think it would be lovely to have that little private time just the 3 of us too.

DP thinks IABU, that my DM would be distraught if she didn't know and that it would piss other people off.

AIBU?

DoJo Sun 03-Mar-13 19:27:30

We were really lucky in as much as the 'new baby' ward at our local hospital was closed to visitors due to the norovirus, so there was no question of anyone coming to the hospital - we told them when they could visit after he was born (ended up being nearly a week as we weren't released for 4 days and then needed time to establish feeding) and it seemed a very civilised way of going about it. I certainly think that if/when I have another I will tell people that I don't want visitors at the hospital and let them see the baby once we have both had a chance to recover a bit.

Thingiebob Sun 03-Mar-13 19:28:53

YANBU and I totally recommend not telling anyone. Having had a very stressful labour with lots of intervention and complications, the added pressure of keeping people informed was a massive pain in the arse.

Present it as a done deal.

MrsDeVere Sun 03-Mar-13 19:30:52

YANBU but your OH is probably right, your DM will be upset.
Can you compromise and get OH to phone her once you have been in labour for a good a long time?

Good luck

bedmonster Sun 03-Mar-13 19:30:56

Why would you need to tell anyone? Once you are with DP and your midwifes in established labour, phones get switched off anyway (or they did for us).
This time round, we dropped the DDs at MILs and went to hospital and left phones in the car. MIL told a few others (SILs live round the corner from her, we really didn't care who she told as long as they couldn't contact us) but we were doing our own thing and weren't giving a second thought to what anyone else was doing.
Don't overthink it, no one needs to know - so don't tell them.

Good luck! smile

PastaBeeandCheese Sun 03-Mar-13 19:32:57

YANBU. It's exactly what I did.

InTheoryBut Sun 03-Mar-13 19:38:00

I went into hospital middayish, not telling anyone, and had baby (pfb) at 6pm. We had an hour or so of cuddling, bonding and getting over the shock (3 weeks early) and then we started phoning people. Did close family first, then I had a bath, then phoned friends while feeding.

It was perfect. Wouldn't have had it any other way. Slightly easier for me as no family close enough to have come rushing to the hospital anyway, but you really really must do what feels best for you, baby and partner. Good luck!

Misfit13 Sun 03-Mar-13 19:40:58

YANBU. I don't understand why people announce the first twinge on FB and spend the next however many hours updating the world. But then, I'm private to the other extreme and told no-one, not even OH until it was all over! (we'd already agreed he would be there if I felt I needed him; I didn't).
Your labour is all about you; the last thing you need is to be worrying about how anyone else feels about it!

LemonBreeland Sun 03-Mar-13 19:44:21

YANBU I don't see why your DM should be upset. I'm sure she will care only about her new DGC. I also don't see it as important to tell before that you won't be calling them. There is no reason for anyone to assume you will call.

Afritutu Sun 03-Mar-13 19:47:22

With my first labour I didn't tell anyone other than DP (this does nt include the workman who turned up to replace the window 30 mins after my waters went unexpectedly all over the floor, he doesn't count). All family got a call the next day when baby was born. For second dc my DM was with us to look after DC1, so my family did know that time,

MumofWombat Sun 03-Mar-13 19:52:33

We are having an ELCS, my parents will know the date as they have travelled half way around the world to look after DS. But pretty much no one else is going to be told when its happening.

yanbu

dimdommilpot Sun 03-Mar-13 19:55:55

I didnt tell anybody other than oh (obvs). I rang my mum and dad at 4am to tell them DD had arrived safe and well. I hate fuss and attention and didnt want people ringing/texting every 5mins. My parents knew i would do this and put no pressure on me to tell them.

Rootvegetables Sun 03-Mar-13 19:59:44

We didn't tell anyone and it was lovely! I couldn't handle the pressure of everyone waiting to see if I could do it! It was our little time where we sat there with our little miracle the only people in the world who knew! We get on with both families but knew they might just pop by or something this way we could get our breath back and tell them when we were ready. It was also lovely to shock them all! My dad sent me a photo of their new sofa to my phone and I sent one back of his new grandson!

TheMaskedHorror Sun 03-Mar-13 20:05:54

Yanbu.
Its so much better this way.
I had an elcs this time round and told no one (except a couple of people) the date. I just gave anyone who asked about the due date, a date a week later than my actual due date.
My mum and mil were so thrilled when told and both were glad we did it this was as they're both stress heads.

Feelingood Sun 03-Mar-13 20:12:00

seems sensible to me, keep your mind clear and focus on the job, and besides anything else it is the most special moment for you and your DP.

TeaOneSugar Sun 03-Mar-13 20:12:37

My MIL knew I was in labour (we popped around for lunch - it was a long labour) but we didn't tell her when we went to the hospital.

she originally wanted to come to the hospital with us to wait, I was very firm, told her only DH would be coming into the delivery room, they wouldn't let her wait outside the room and it could take days.

DH phoned her about 1.5 hours after the birth.

LemonBreeland Sun 03-Mar-13 20:56:58

Forgot to say in my earlier post that many people will sit and worry during labour, and as has been said it could be a long time for them to be worrying.

With DS1 I went into labour at PILs so they knew. FIL took to his bed as he was so stressed, and I was only in labour 4 hours.

Dannilion Sun 03-Mar-13 21:08:01

Thanks for your replies, DP didn't really understand why I really didn't want people to know, at all. Was beginning to feel like I was a bit of a weirdo!

Have shown him this thread and he 'gets' it now. Thanks for the well wishes too smile

LemonBreeland Sun 03-Mar-13 21:10:59

Glad he gets it now.

Dogsmom Sun 03-Mar-13 22:06:11

My pfb is due on saturday and I've already told people I wont be telling them when I'm in labour, I can't think of a single reason why I should or what would be gained from it.

I don't want people pacing or texting for updates and certainly don't want visitors for a few hours, I'm looking forward to it being just me, my husband and our daughter for a while.

ThePlEWhoLovedMe Sun 03-Mar-13 22:42:01

Both mine were preplanned inductions ... and I never told a soul - YANBU

WinterMymble Mon 04-Mar-13 03:58:17

Yanbu and you are being very wise! We did this and it is MUCH better!

jynier Mon 04-Mar-13 04:25:05

Dannilion - My DD was extremely firm with me and her MIL. She wanted her husband with her and NO-ONE ELSE!!! We would both have loved to have been there but fully understood. The funny thing was that it was my son who let out the secret that my DD was in labour - he was absolutely beside himself with worry and asked me to ring the ward! My DS never left her side when DD was in early labour with second baby; he was helping her through contractions. I was there too as we were looking after GD1 while my SIL took DD to hospital. They sent her home several times!!! Your post has brought back memories!

YANBU.

Am 38+6 and know it will likely be any day now - like you I didn't want people constantly texting/calling DH when I will be needing him to focus on helping me. However, I did make the mistake of posting on Facebook that we would not be telling anyone and to please stop texting/asking if there were any signs (I was 36 weeks FGS!!) - and now you would be AMAZED at how many people have decided to randomly phone or pop over or make plans with me... People I barely see twice a year! It's annoying but probably would be funny if I wasn't such a grumpy bitch at the moment, haha.

So yes, maybe re-think telling everyone your plan or you'll end up still being hounded but in an annoying, "oh-just-called-to-see-how-you're-doing" kind of way!

minibmw2010 Mon 04-Mar-13 06:15:29

DS was due to be a breech CS but labour started early and he was a week earlier than planned, we didn't tell anyone, just decided to wait until after to tell our Mum's as they'd have just worried and neither were near enough to come anyway. So was simple and relatively stress free.

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