To expect only the guests I've invited to turn up to my DD's party?

(186 Posts)

It was my daughters 8th birthday recently and I envited all the girls from her class. Most of them replied and one asked if she could bring her sister. I said yes, then kind of wished I hadn't, because I thought now I can't say no to any other siblings and there could be loads.
Anyway, we had all the replies, so I bought the right nomber of party bags, specially made cup-cakes etc and set a pretty table with the right nomber of chairs. Then 3 siblings turn up. There parents hadn't asked me if this was o.k, if they had, I would've set extra places etc. The siblings sat at the table and so there wasn't enough room, which caused 3 tearful girls. I had to squash them in on the corners. Then the uninvited siblings were waiting for party bags. (With their parents!!) The parents even expected that the siblings that hadn't been invited should get a party bag. shock When I said "I'm really sorry, but I only have enough for the girls I invited" They looked rather disgruntled.
Is this quite the norm when it comes to parties? I thought I was very rude, but is that just me??
I put so much effort into this party as it's the first one since she's been at the school, and felt it was a bit of a flop. My daughter has SEN's and became quite overwhelmed and tearfull. She's never had a party with that many children before. (I know that's my fault for inviting too many)
I think next year we'll just have a little party at home with one friend.

PrincessOfThemyscira Sun 03-Mar-13 15:53:07

It seems to be getting to the point where putting a simple RSVP is pointless.
Maybe all invitations now need a "Please RSVP by XdateX to ensure your place. Sorry, NO SIBLINGS."

MousyMouse Sun 03-Mar-13 15:55:48

yanbu
if I need to bring siblings I ask if ok and bring own food and def don't expect a party bag.

hermioneweasley Sun 03-Mar-13 15:57:22

I have had people who didn't RSVP turn up (one with very specific allergies that her mother was annoyed we hadn't catered for!), but never that many siblings!

I'm also amazed at parents staying at an 8yo's party. Round here we drop them and run from reception!

AngelaMartinLipton Sun 03-Mar-13 15:59:59

YANBU The parents shoudl have had better manners.

I can't wait for the time where DC are dropped off.

If people ask in advance about siblings, I'll usually agree. Family friends usually bring siblings and both stay.

I hate, hate, hate whole families of mum dad and sibling coming too. I once had grandparents attend at the end as well.

In fact I hate this so much, I don't think we'll host any more parties. A few friends at the cinema/bowling/sleepover or whatever is what we'll do from now on.

facedontfit Sun 03-Mar-13 16:21:57

How ruddy bloody rude! I was begining to think that I was the only person surrounded by self-entitled ***. But reading the MN threads makes me realise that I am not the only person and is making me feel so much better.

thezebrawearspurple Sun 03-Mar-13 16:25:26

It was very rude of the parents. On the other hand, better too many turn up than not enoughwink.

DonderandBlitzen Sun 03-Mar-13 16:27:32

YANBU but the adults who sent along siblings and who even stood there waiting for a party bag with them were extremely unreasonable and rude.

DonderandBlitzen Sun 03-Mar-13 16:39:29

At the end of the party I did not have party bags for the uninvited children, but as some of the children and parents had obviously worked out what was going to happen they started helping themselves, so several invited children ended up without party bags. shock shock FFS...and I bet these people never bother to do parties themselves.

DonderandBlitzen Sun 03-Mar-13 16:40:35

I cannot imagine how rude someone has to be to help themselves to a party bag!!

SanityClause Sun 03-Mar-13 16:46:00

DS used to go to a school where it was the norm for parents to both come, and bring all siblings along.

I found it unspeakably rude, but as I was in the minority, no doubt they all found it unspeakably rude of me to want to drop and run!

At all other schools, only parents where the DC had allergies, or were very shy, would stay, and they would usually be a bit apologetic about it.

If someone dropped out, and there was a spare place, I might invite a sibling to stay, or ring the parents on the day to invite the sibling to the spare place.

DS was 9 is year, and he is my youngest, so I think I have had all the large children's parties I am going to have now. Yay!

SanityClause Sun 03-Mar-13 16:59:44

I have to say, I usually chase up the people who haven't RSVPed before the date. That way you don't get anyone turn up unexpectedly. Also, children can be a bit rubbish about handing over invitations (my DC included) so parents may not be being rude by not responding; they may not have even received the invitation.

Lovecat Sun 03-Mar-13 17:04:54

YANBU OP and I'm horrified that the siblings sat themselves at the party table - I would have had no compunction in chucking them off (but I'm mean!)

DD (8) had her party last week at a party venue where it's pay per head and we deliberately didn't ask one child because her dad has form for bringing her THREE sisters along and expecting them to be included in everything! Given it's £15 a head at this place and he did this to me last year I decided enough was enough and if he or his DD had asked me why they weren't invited I would have told him why. One of her friends has a little sister whom DD adores, and she was invited as a proper guest, so no issues there. But when it came to pick up time one dad brought his toddler along (which was fine) but then asked me if they couldn't organise a party bag for the toddler as he would be 'so disappointed' not to get one shock! I said no, but I was massively taken aback at the front on him for even asking - I think he saw the other little girl getting a bag and thought they were up for grabs!

INeverSaidThat Sun 03-Mar-13 17:08:32

YA (obviously) NBU. How rude of the other parents.

However, I really don't understand why you couldn't have said to the parents of the not invited DC's that you are unable to have any extra DC's. I have one this. I was polite but I didn't make any excuses - why should I?

The parents of the not invited kids must have known what they were doing was wrong.

Still, you will be well prepared for the next party. smile

INeverSaidThat Sun 03-Mar-13 17:12:03

Typo.... blush

I have done this .....

GoEasyPudding Sun 03-Mar-13 17:23:59

I am getting really scared now as I was hoping to plan a party soonish.
So then, how would everyone feels if the invite said no siblings on it?

"Due to health and safety regulations at the venue we regret that siblings will not be able to take part"

I guess that's true if you have a bouncy castle in a hall for example.

I have seen party bags nicely and clearly labelled at one party and we had to collect it quite formally from the kitchen area and give the childs name. I admired that mums fraud proof plan!

tiggytape Sun 03-Mar-13 17:26:46

I'm another meanie who would (and has) spoken up and even reclaimed party bags taken by uninvited children. A swift swoop in with the breezy words 'no sorry sweetheart, these are just for the children in Maisie's class' (whilst easing it out of their hand wrestling it off them) normally does the trick - bloody cheek!
The parents are often very taken aback about being challenged but only because they are used to other people being too polite to cause a fuss.

Childcare at weekends to cover parties can be a nightmare so nobody minds siblings to come along to watch or coming along and paying for their own soft play session but parents who expect them to be catered for or complain about lack of party bags should be told firmly that this isn't going to happen.

Murphy0510 Sun 03-Mar-13 17:35:09

Where are all these cheeky parents and kids? In 13 years of doing kids' parties I've never come across this kind of thing.

If it did happen though, I would have no qualms about putting a parent/child straight about who could and couldn't join in, and who the party bags were for. I wouldn't just stand and meekly watch a pushy sibling plonk themselves down at the head of the table!

thegreylady Sun 03-Mar-13 17:50:05

My dgs2 has just had his fourth birthday party.Dd wrote on the invites:"Sorry we only have room for one adult and the invited child but if you are stuck do give me a ring and we'll sort it out."
It was absolutely fine-sh had one phone call re an older sibling as it is a one parent family so he came along-same age as dgs1 so that was nice for him.

Believe it or not, we live in a lovely rural area of Devon. It is a little Village school. My DD and her best friend are the only 2 children in the school with SEN's. They are lucky to be in the same class, (Mixed year group) Some of the children are comming up for 7.

Only one parent droped off and came back. The parents all know each other really well, and probubly saw it as a chance to catch up. I didn't mind them staying at all, we offered them hot drinks and cup cakes.

I did ask one dad to remove his son from the table, but I didn't know who the other one belonged to, until the end. I told them that they couldn't have a party bag as there were only enough for the envited guests. I really don't like confrontation, but I did stand my ground quite a bit that day, I had too.

I must add that the majority of parents and children were lovely. Several of them went to the little kitchen and helped with the dishes and one offered to come early to help us set up. It was just a handful that let it down.

Murphy0510 Sun 03-Mar-13 18:05:51

Sounds like they are what I call center parcs families, OP

poppycock6 Sun 03-Mar-13 18:06:00

Yanbu. It's cheeky. I had to console one of DD's classmates yesterday as we were one chair short at the table due to a non-invited sibling joining. I managed to squeeze him in thankfully. It's not so bad if it's one or two but more than that and it really messes up your arrangements.

We hired the church hall and had a story teller/ puppet man. I guess the parents thought it'd be a free for all, as it wouldn't cost extra. They probubly didn't expect that I'd set up pretty tables etc. Not that it's an excuse.

spiderlight Sun 03-Mar-13 18:13:10

I had EIGHT uninvited siblings lining up for party bags at DS's party last year. Fortunately I'd made extra and had a couple of no-shows from invited children so there were just about enough, but it was still a bit cheeky.

Murphy0510 Sun 03-Mar-13 18:15:52

I am absolutely flabbergasted at the sheer cheek of the woman who suggested emptying party food boxes so that uninvited kids can share the food!

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