To use my title

(319 Posts)
ArtemisatBrauron Sun 03-Mar-13 09:35:15

I have a PhD and use my title - I was thinking of just using it at work but decided consistency was best and changed it with the bank etc as well. I've recently had several snide comments about it as well as a few family members and work colleagues who continue to address me/write to me as Mrs Brauron. I haven't corrected them because it seems rude, but it annoys me - AIBU?

ArtemisatBrauron Sun 03-Mar-13 11:12:34

skrumle that's exactly it- the thing is, that to my older relatives, the more important "title" is my married name, because as a woman the ultimate achievement is to get married.

mumfordanddaughters Sun 03-Mar-13 11:14:41

Skrumie I said right at the top that I use mine (and so do my friends who have them and, yes, that is a lot of them and we are all sciencey too - no sniggering here, it is just a title not being pretentious) but the only time I get riled by people not using it is when we get letters addressed to Dr and Mrs Mumford. His counts and mine doesn't?

Trills Sun 03-Mar-13 11:17:12

Something that someone said on MN once that I liked.

Both Mrs and Dr and titles that you "earn" - you are not born with them, you gain them by doing something. It is no more pretentious to use one than the other.

TimberTot Sun 03-Mar-13 11:17:23

If you don't work in an academic field then it is odd that you insist on the title being applied.

Our circle of friends are mainly what Stokes would refer to as highly educated. (G.P.'s, hospital consultants, University head librarian, lecturer, a headteacher, solicitors, dentists, accountants, actuaries, directors of this and that plus a couple of chief executives thrown in, not sure what their qualifications are exactly) but out of the 5 who have a PhD none use the title except the university lecturer.

I am proud that I made the time and commitment to gain the PhD but I wouldn't use it in everyday life in the same way that I could afford a personalised number plate but I wouldn't have one. Our circle of friends tend to see it as "nouveau riche" and ostentatious, "notice me - I'm special"

The very fact that it annoys you that your family/work colleagues don't all use it points towards you wanting daily recognition of your perceived "enhanced status".

Respect for the value fo your PhD isn't awarded with the certificate, it is earned through the day to day contact you have with these people.

MyHeadWasInTheSandNowNot Sun 03-Mar-13 11:18:04

I agree with Megatrons husband - fine for work and banks etc, but amongst family & friends it would make me feel like a complete try hard toss pot. But each to their own...

Fraying Sun 03-Mar-13 11:19:47

I would never have considered using Dr when writing to my friends (I guess because our friendship predates their doctorate and we never used MA(Hons) or MSc after our names when we gained our other qualifications). Now, I'm wondering if they're secretly offended confused . I'll need to check.
But to answer your question, I think YABU to explain family to change how they address you. It seems a bit arsey to me and I can't imagine how you have that conversation without sounding incredibly pretentious.

Rosieeo Sun 03-Mar-13 11:20:14

I can't help but think of Friends: "I'm Doctor Geller" "Ross, this is a hospital. That actually means something here." wink

TheFallenMadonna Sun 03-Mar-13 11:20:18

How odd of the doctor. I'm not sure I would continue to see her/him if there had been a noticeable change in whether they believed what I was saying on the production of a qualification, that might well be in something completely irrelevant hmm

Fraying Sun 03-Mar-13 11:20:26

expect not explain - duh!

ArtemisatBrauron Sun 03-Mar-13 11:23:03

It's genuinely not about getting "recognition" from people, it's just my title - I've changed it with all my banks, at work etc; to me it would be the same if family or friends had written letters to me addressed to Miss Brauron after I got married.

Wishihadabs Sun 03-Mar-13 11:24:04

The thing I can't stand is Miss maiden name or worse Mrs maiden name by dimwits in call centres usually.Ahhh either Dr married name (only for last 13 years) or Mrs married name (for last 8) is fine. Otherwise you are addressing me as either my mother or my sister. And breathe...

Wishihadabs Sun 03-Mar-13 11:24:48

Dr maiden name

MyHeadWasInTheSandNowNot Sun 03-Mar-13 11:25:03

skrumle that's exactly it- the thing is, that to my older relatives, the more important "title" is my married name, because as a woman the ultimate achievement is to get married

Chip - much?

They are family they are addressing you as family - to insist on being address as Dr by your family is so 'try hard' it's not even funny. I assume you are the first in your family to have gained such a lofty status hmm and feel they all require reminding of this fact.

grin

Jollyb Sun 03-Mar-13 11:25:58

I rarely use Dr outside of work. Doesn't bother me in the slightest if my family refer to me as miss.

Stokes Sun 03-Mar-13 11:26:49

TimberTot has said what I'm trying to say much better.

"I am proud that I made the time and commitment to gain the PhD but I wouldn't use it in everyday life in the same way that I could afford a personalised number plate but I wouldn't have one. Our circle of friends tend to see it as "nouveau riche" and ostentatious, "notice me - I'm special"

The very fact that it annoys you that your family/work colleagues don't all use it points towards you wanting daily recognition of your perceived "enhanced status".

Respect for the value fo your PhD isn't awarded with the certificate, it is earned through the day to day contact you have with these people. "

I mainly posted on this thread after an encounter we had at Christmas, me and my husband round the house of a couple of friends - she's working on her PhD and he got his years ago, long before we met him. We had sent Christmas cards to everyone and as my writing is legible unlike DH's, I wrote the envelopes and he wrote the inside. I was pretty surprised when our (lovely!) friend gave out to me for writing "Miss Hername & Mr Hisname" on the envelope, rather than "Miss Hername & Dr Hisname". The thought had never even crossed my mind and I was really surprised that it had even occurred to her or frankly that she'd even noticed.

lozster Sun 03-Mar-13 11:26:57

Use it and ignore the naysayers!

I got my doctorate when I was a young looking, single 24. I hated ms, miss so changed all my bank details and have used it ever since. Seems pretty normal to me but then again I've worked in academia and then in a research lab where 60% of us are dr. My partner likes me to use it. We aren't married so no mrs issues and he is proud of me.

Think of it this way - would LORD sugar be addressed otherwise, would queenie be happy to drop her title? Your title was earned so use it!

thebody Sun 03-Mar-13 11:29:02

Golly my sister is a teacher and has a PHD. I never thought about addressing her as Dr.

Sorry to me a doctor is well a doctor.

Imagine if you were on a she or registered in a hotel and an emergency arose and they called for you to help. You might look a bit silly.

However good on you for getting the qualification but don't expect your gran to be impressed.

I expect even Jesus's relatives thought he was just a carpenter with ideas above himself.

monkeysbignuts Sun 03-Mar-13 11:29:18

I think you must have worked extremely hard for the title and I would use it on documents etc. Family is going a bit far in my honest opinion.
We have a few Dr's in our family but they will always just be uncle to me. I wouldn't dream of calling my uncle George Dr lol

lozster Sun 03-Mar-13 11:31:17

Oh and start referring to your relies as Ms. - that's normally a good wind up for older people (well my relies anyway!). If they protest and say 'oh but I am Mrs!' then ask them if they really need to be reminded of this status on a daily basis? grin

mumfordanddaughters Sun 03-Mar-13 11:31:34

But you wouldn't address an envelope to "uncle", would you? Presumably you use Mr. So if he was a Dr, you might use Dr. She isn't asking them to curtsey when they speak!

TheFallenMadonna Sun 03-Mar-13 11:32:09

I think it's one of those never the twain things. I cannot imagine having changed to Dr on my bank account. Why would I so that? So I don't get why people see it as a big deal. If you introduced yourself to me as Dr, I would use it back. As long as you didn't overuse it. I was interviewing for new staff, and in correspondance over interview lessons etc, one guy always signed off Dr first name last name. Would he have signed off Mr first name last name had he no PhD? Doubt it. Which made me think he might be Trying Too Hard.

ArtemisatBrauron Sun 03-Mar-13 11:35:41

I don't expect them to call me Dr to my face, that would be crazy,
and when I write to my granny I put Mrs X, not Granny X... When I got married everyone was happy to call me Mrs, why is this different?

LayMizzRarb Sun 03-Mar-13 11:37:59

Anyone can call themselves Dr, use it on bank accounts and online shopping accounts. You would not be breaking any laws.
It only becomes a criminal offence if you purport to have medical qualifications you do not have, or imply you are registered with the General Medical Council.

Blu Sun 03-Mar-13 11:38:28

If any friend or relative is Dr I use it whenever I would use Ms or Mr. But mostly with friends and relativesIi just use their name. I don't address birthday cards to my brother as Dr Blu's DB, just Firstname - Surname.

But I would never address someone as Mrs if they wereDdr, and used that, no.

piprabbit Sun 03-Mar-13 11:40:32

I used to work with a bloke who insisted on using his Dr. title at work. The PhD was in a Humanities subject and we were computer programmers, so the PhD wasn't exactly relevant to his job. I'm afraid that he was subject to an awful lot of ribbing and sniggering. But we did refer to him as Dr. in documentation.

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