To use my title

(319 Posts)
ArtemisatBrauron Sun 03-Mar-13 09:35:15

I have a PhD and use my title - I was thinking of just using it at work but decided consistency was best and changed it with the bank etc as well. I've recently had several snide comments about it as well as a few family members and work colleagues who continue to address me/write to me as Mrs Brauron. I haven't corrected them because it seems rude, but it annoys me - AIBU?

HollyBerryBush Sun 03-Mar-13 10:23:57

Don't Boden have marchioness?

wink

Teapot13 Sun 03-Mar-13 10:26:19

I thought the traditional etiquette rule is that only medical doctors use "Dr" socially, so it isn't correct to use in personal correspondence? Obviously it would be appropriate to use it at work, if you work in the same field.

ArtemisatBrauron Sun 03-Mar-13 10:27:11

Well, I expected them to use Mrs when I got married and I didn't see it as any different when I then changed my title again, it's now what most correspondence I get says, so I guessing just sticks out when I get something addressed differently. But this has definitely given me food for thought!

ArtemisatBrauron Sun 03-Mar-13 10:27:50

I guess it sorry!

wonkylegs Sun 03-Mar-13 10:28:35

My DH is a medical Dr and he is still often referred to Mr and actually he kept it as Mr on his passport as although he doesn't mind being called for real medical events when travelling many 'emergencies' he's been called to deal with on a plane are not even close to emergencies or even events and require him to spend the rest of the flight filling out paperwork and after several of these instances where he starts our holidays working for free to look after a hypochondriac he decided that he'd rather not be the first person to 'volunteer' because that's what having a different title really means to him.
Obviously he's still Dr Wonkylegs at work

Lucyellensmum95 Sun 03-Mar-13 10:31:13

No teapot, that isn't the etiquette at all, medics are only honorary doctors!

To all those saying that the OP is being unreasonable - don't you expect your family to use the proper title (Miss, Ms, Mrs) when sending you post? I don't see the difference.

Stokes Sun 03-Mar-13 10:38:35

My husband has a PhD and only uses Dr for work, and then only because he's an academic - if he moved jobs he'd never use it. The majority of our friend have PhDs and only a couple use the title outside work - the couple who do are typically sniggered at behind their backs whenever the topic comes up (once on a very blue moon). When I was at school a couple of the teachers had PhDs and only one used the title in school, again she was laughed at for it.

MewlingQuim Sun 03-Mar-13 10:39:59

My family keep sending post to me as Mrs DH surname and I keep telling them I am Dr. I got my PhD before I was married so it is really annoying as I have never been Mrs anything. I worked hard for my doctorate getting married was easy so it would be nice if people who supposedly care about me would acknowledge it.

ArtemisatBrauron Sun 03-Mar-13 10:41:46

Stokes I used to be academic before moving into teaching and the vast majority of my colleagues used their titles inside and outside work. I think it's really sad that your teacher was laughed at for using her title - smacks of anti-intellectual snobbery to me.

MewlingQuim Sun 03-Mar-13 10:43:16

I've never heard of anyone being laughed at for using their title outside of work stokes but I work in science/medicine maybe its different here.

But what about using letters after your name? Academic achievements other than doctor?

Trazzletoes Sun 03-Mar-13 10:46:06

My DB has a PhD and it makes me sad that he's only Dr with one bank grin I always address him as Dr on post.

TheFallenMadonna Sun 03-Mar-13 10:47:56

I am a teacher and I don't use it. I use Ms on everything as it is marital status free, and am "Miss" to the kids at school and would be whatever title I used.

I do talk about what I did before I became a teacher, as do many of my colleagues who had other lives before teaching.

aldiwhore Sun 03-Mar-13 10:48:39

When it comes to family, I pick my battles because I generally get on with them, so when my elderly Aunt addresses letters to me using "Mrs Husband's initials" I don't argue it (though it person I have enjoyed the 21st century chat, she thinks I'm being bohemian and sucks her teeth).

For everything else YANBU at all. You worked for your title, you earned it, it's valid, use it if you want.

Anyhoo, YANBU. I am considering starting my PhD, and I would use my title, even if I never changed jobs, I rather like the idea of being Dr Aldiwhore Admin Assistant wink

LeChatRouge Sun 03-Mar-13 10:49:30

< spend a couple of seconds wishing he was Dr Wonkylegs >

INeverSaidThat Sun 03-Mar-13 10:50:09

I would be very proud of my hard earned title but wouldn't use it.

I think YANBU though (but I am a bit surprised it bothers you)

Stokes Sun 03-Mar-13 10:55:37

I think that both in school and now socially people laugh at it because it's a bit try hard or something. All of our friends are highly educated ( PhDs, engineers, solicitors, actuaries etc) so maybe that's why, we just don't see a PhD as that big of a deal? As in, we've all worked hard for our qualifications, so no one particularly cares about that, pass the wine, that sort of thing.

Fillyjonk75 Sun 03-Mar-13 11:00:42

I wouldn't expect family to bother or remember (except my mum, who definitely would) but I'd use it when filling in forms and change it with the bank etc.

ClimbingPenguin Sun 03-Mar-13 11:04:19

I find it very useful at the Dr's actually. Then again I look very young and currently a SAHM. I do think they take what I am saying more seriously.

As for family I rather they don't use titles. Most of them don't and just use names. It does annoy me that the family members who do use titles are the ones that use Mr and Mrs Husbands Initial Husbands Surname thinking they are being official when in fact it is wrong.

I am happy with Ms as well. I tend to use Dr on official stuff (most of my banks, Dr, job applications etc) but not marketing/shopping etc.

I preferred the US systems of no titles. I never once filled my title in when I lived there. If you insist on using a title, then use the correct one (until there is only one standard adult female one at least)

ProphetOfDoom Sun 03-Mar-13 11:05:53

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cardamomginger Sun 03-Mar-13 11:06:23

Rather off point, but what really pissed me off was after I got divorced a family member continued to address post to me as Mrs ExDH-First-Name ExDH-Second-Name. I think that technically she may have been correct, but it still really got my goat.

skrumle Sun 03-Mar-13 11:07:31

i think whether or not it would be bother me would depend on whether or not those same relatives would take a different view when writing to a male relative who had an "earned" title.

i kept my own name, and now have a title - but even someone from work in relation to a social event recently wrote "mr and mrs his-surname" on the envelope which really annoyed me. i don't become an appendage of my husband just because you are writing to me at the same time as writing to him...

TheFallenMadonna Sun 03-Mar-13 11:08:43

Do you have anything to compare it to though climbingpenguin? Did you see a doctor as a young SAHM without a PhD?

ClimbingPenguin Sun 03-Mar-13 11:12:12

I just have pre PhD, but I do feel I get believed straight away now. Otherwise I think I would get mistaken for a undergraduate student (which I do when I am without kids).

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